Am I wrong for feeling abit annoyed?

[SunnyL23]

Need some thoughts here on who is in the wrong on this, my sister in law told my husband she was pregnant but wasnt announcing to everyone yet, and when he said to her that he'd just tell me if that was okay, she said she'd be really angry and disapointed in him if he even told his wife, that he should keep it to himself till she announced to everyone, in few weeks time.
When my husband told me he knew later on, and said what she told him about him telling me, it just kinda made me feel it was a weird thing for her to ask him to keep it a secret from his wife.
In my view if I were pregnant again i'd tell all my family when I was ready for them all to know, as I did at 11 weeks pregnant with my son, after I had a scan photo to show everyone aswel, I wouldn't tell my brother and expect him to keep it a secret, but mabye this i'm overthinking?

Of course your husband should keep something he has been told in confidence to himself. He has far better morals than you, who presumably would go blabbing to your husband if someone told you something in secret. He has demonstrated himself to be trustworthy and respectful.

If I tell somebody something in confidence I would always assume they would tell their husband or wife. That’s normal.

I think it was decent of him not to say anything at her request but I don’t think she should have told him if she didn’t want you to know as well. Also he probably shouldn’t have mentioned he knew before it’s only going to make you feel a bit crap.

The irony is that you do not know what irony means either. You are as thick as a brick :)

HTH.

So yep, his dopey drama llama sister should have asked him first if he is willing to hold her (irrelevant and uninteresting) secret for her BEFORE vomiting it on him.

You don't get to coercively control other people into not speaking words to other people. You must always ASK them first if they're willing to keep your secrets before imparting them on people who don't want them and didn't ask for them in the first place.

Anyone who has ever asked me "Can you keep a secret?" (at least as a functioning adult as being obsessed by secret keeping is very much a child/teenager behaviour) has received the answer "Depends. Maybe. I won't promise that". Because I'm an honest person, unlike a lot of secret blabbers.

Since she did not do that, did not use her manners and ask FIRST "Can you keep my secret and tell nobody" he can tell anybody he likes. She doesn't get to coerce him into being sly and secretive, and can throw all the tantrums she likes, she's hurting nobody but herself.

I'm really glad he told the OP, now the sister has learned a valuable lesson - she's not in charge of other people's conversations and must always ask before puking up secrets that nobody wants to hear. Or she could learn to just keep her trap shut.

Also, she desperately needs to get over herself. She's just pregnant, she didn't invent time travel, nobody really fucking cares except her, whoever the dad is and (probably) her mum. Everyone else is just being polite.

Lol

She’s allowed her own relationship with your husband, that’s her brother. You don’t have to be privy to every detail of that

I agree with this in fairness, you shouldn't be expecting people to keep secrets from their spouses before asking if they are comfortable with that, someone who doesn't want to be part of it should be able to opt out beforehand, it sounds like he didn't even want to know, let alone keep her secret.

I personally would not keep this sort of thing secret from my husband, only because it is going to become common knowledge pretty soon and I hate lying (which includes lying by omission), I know he wouldn't tell anyone so would feel awkward having to pretend I don't know/didn't know, so it is not worth it to me to keep it to myself. However if my sister told me something serious in confidence and asked me not to tell anyone, then I would have no problem keeping it secret from my husband. We don't have to tell each other everything but there is a sliding scale of what I would do it for.. pregnancy is not one of them, but I'd be very honest from the outset.

This situation is quite telling though, either OP is a blabber mouth and can't be trusted to keep this secret from the wider family, which includes bringing it up to SIL in person, or the two women don't get on and the SIL is on a bit of a power trip.

I don't see either as a big deal really, but it depends on the individuals. If some people are more likely to blab, fair enough (not saying you are, but maybe she thinks that for some reason). On the plus side, you know if you tell him anything and ask him not to tell anyone, he'll honour that.

He’s her brother. They’ve known each other much longer than they’ve known you.

I don’t think husband and wife cannot keep things secret. There are those who cannot talk about their work (professional confidentiality/ it’s covered by Official Secrets Act etc).

And if an issue is shared because of a person’s job, with an expectation of confidentiality, then that’s fine.

Otherwise I’m not keen on secrets between spouses. Sure if it’s a friend who the DH/DW don’t really know/aren’t bothered about it’s fine, but when it comes to family it could drive a wedge.

Also not sure why DH needed to share he already knew…for what reason? If he’d kept the original disclosure secret, OP would not now be feeling unsettled by it.

Hardly a secret! Simply private for a while - and good on your husband for not telling.

In what world is don't tell any one, keep it to yourself NOT a secret?
The sister obviously took great delight in keeping OP in the dark.
And I would be wondering what other information OP's H, supposedly her life partner, keeps from her.

There’s only been one drama llama on this thread and it’s not the OP’s SIL.

It really isn’t. That person may barely know the person whose private information this is. Why on earth should confiding in someone be taken to mean they can blab this private information to their spouse?!

Hilarious irony. Thanks for the laugh. 🤣

Quite.

The OP's DH did keep the secret. The SIL has now announced it and the DH has told the OP that he already knew.

I think that you should be able to share personal stuff with people you are close to and it won't get shared.

Your SiL feeling comfortable with her brother knowing but not you early on in the pregnancy seems reasonable and totally understandable to me. But I think it's unreasonable of her to just tell him and then put the restriction on. She should have said she had some news to share but wanted to be sure he was okay keeping it a secret from everyone, including you, for a few weeks before she told him what it was.

As it is though, does it matter that he knew a few weeks earlier? Is there any point in getting upset/offended/annoyed by it?

Omg I’m sorry to be like this, but get of you high horse it’s not about you. My brother is married. I told
him I was trying for a 2nd and when I was pregnant. And he kept it secret for me throughout the whole thing once we were in the safe part and ready to tell everyone. It’s his sister not yours, there’s just a special bond between siblings. It’s his sibling not yours. Not about you. Not your pregnancy and wasn’t your husbands news to share!!

Yes. Really overthinking. Why make life so exhausting, making things about you that aren’t. Just be happy for her once you’re told.

A bit odd that he’d tell you about their conversation about not telling you afterwards. Especially if he knows you have form form for taking things personally