Am I wrong for feeling abit annoyed?

[SunnyL23]

Need some thoughts here on who is in the wrong on this, my sister in law told my husband she was pregnant but wasnt announcing to everyone yet, and when he said to her that he'd just tell me if that was okay, she said she'd be really angry and disapointed in him if he even told his wife, that he should keep it to himself till she announced to everyone, in few weeks time.
When my husband told me he knew later on, and said what she told him about him telling me, it just kinda made me feel it was a weird thing for her to ask him to keep it a secret from his wife.
In my view if I were pregnant again i'd tell all my family when I was ready for them all to know, as I did at 11 weeks pregnant with my son, after I had a scan photo to show everyone aswel, I wouldn't tell my brother and expect him to keep it a secret, but mabye this i'm overthinking?

Bizarre that you think information can only be provided in the opening post and that people can’t ask questions to get more information.

It suggests you are not familiar with how chat forums work.

So you ignore the contest of my post to suit your agenda? Bizarre.

Can you quote which bit you find objectionable?

I agree that it's a weird thing to do. What support did she need from him that she had to tell him before telling you? Assuming she has a partner (and thus emotional support), it seems odd to 'need' to tell anyone at all before telling the entire family. Unless you're known as an incurable gossip, I see no reason for all the secrecy.

I'd do an inward rolling of the eyes and think she was a drama queen who may possibly have an issue with me personally, but whatever! It was 'only' a pregnancy that you'd find out about soon enough, so not like she asked him to keep quiet about a big family secret, evidence of a crime, etc.

Why are you not annoyed at your dp for breaking her trust? DP tells me everything anyone tells him and I feel that's wrong but can't so him. He knows I'll keep secrets for others and respects that.

I asked a friend to keep something from his wife until it was public knowledge. Claimed client confidentiality despite not being his client. He did. I apologised to his wife afterwards but she completely understood why I didn't want it being talked about.

You seem to have mistaken the thread for an EastEnders plotline. But since you've made up 90% of this scenario in your own head feel free to fill us in on what happens next.

I’m not “wilfully pretending” anything.

But I think that punishing someone for not having a good relationship with you is only going to make the relationship worse not better.

Why would anyone want to make the relationship worse?

Even if the SIL has left the OP out previously it’s more productive to attempt to improve the relationship.

It sounds like the DH and his sister are close, stepping back is only going to cause entirely unnecessary drama both in the family and in the marriage.

Stepping back from a pregnant woman who only wanted to keep her early pregnancy private really isn’t taking the moral high ground.

I’m not being horrible to you, I just absolutely disagree with your advice to the OP.

I think it’s a bit unusual. If my DH told BIL something in private I would presume SIL knew about it too. I tell DH everything, I would just tell him to pretend not to know.

That would be my take, sadly. But at least she will be aware.

This idea on MN that partners must be told absolutely everything is strange. It matches "our little family," though, so perhaps not so surprising.

😂😂😂

Well said!

Why should she only share things with her brother in confidence if she “needs” to? Maybe she wants to, and that’s fine and perfectly normal if they are close to each other. Why does his spouse need to know personal information about her husband’s sister that his sister specifically stated she doesn’t want her brother to share with anyone else at this time?

Wow. You are either struggling with reading comprehension or you are a fantasist.

So why the selective quoting from my post?

Nope. OPs are generally expected on this forum to put any information that is crucial and so significant that it would change the whole context and therefore the responses in their original post. “Drip feeding” is frowned upon.

The OP didn’t mention anything about the fantasy scenario you invented where her SIL has been unpleasant to her, deliberately excludes her from the family and the implication that she has therefore done this to spite her or whatever. That’s all completely invented by you.

Threads here normally work by people responding to the question that the OP asked based on the actual information they have provided, not inventing a completely different situation themselves and then posting advice about that.

Sorry, didn’t you assert that other people don’t understand how chat forums work? Then you write something like this. Oh dear. 😂

People are allowed to respond to any part of your comments that they wish, and ignore as much of the inane waffling as they wish. HTH.

Why does anyone need to pretend anything?

What is so wrong with a woman feeling ready to tell her sibling some personal information which she does not yet wish to tell her in-laws? Why on earth does the OP feel slighted that she wasn't first to know?

I remember making vows of fidelity, caring and sharing of goods - don't remember the vow to "pass every tiny scrap of info to my spouse, however boring or private".

Every time this subject comes up on MN and half the posters have hysterics at the notion of not telling their DHs every bit of info they have, it feels like watching the parody of a primary school playground.

Considering the number of MNers who self identify as doctors, teachers, social workers, HCPs, lawyers etc its quite depressing how many of the posters are incapable of respecting basic privacy.

DP has a close friend who won’t keep anything from his wife. He confided in his friend when my Dad was admitted to ITU as he was very close with my Dad and seeing me so stressed and upset was hard for him. He asked his friend to keep it to himself as I wasn’t ready for everyone to know, but his friend told him that he ‘had to tell his wife because they don’t have secrets’, and then I had the wife texting me asking how things were going! DP doesn’t tell him anything in confidence anymore.

It wasn’t your DP’s news to share, so he kept his promise to his sibling. No harm came to you from not knowing!

You can do what you want and other people can also call you out for selectively quoting one line from a post so that you can ignore the context.

And if we’re walking about inane waffling, then your confusion around questions vs inventions definitely counts.

It’s his sister, the secret she asked him to keep and no bearing on you whatsoever. I would be very proud to know he could be so loyal as to keep something he’d been told in confidence as asked. Why would you knowing the secret he’d been asked to keep have made a difference to you?

I would assume someone would tell their spouse. My hubby would tell me but ask me to keep it to myself that I know, until SIL announced it

The problem here is the wife she should have understood your boundary. If she’s acted with tact and discretion all would have been well

Honestly I’ve seen more hysteria and unfounded accusations from those on your side of the argument on this thread today.

the vitriol is something else.

Me too! I didn’t make a big announcement
or anything but I told my sister first at 6 weeks as she was planning her wedding and baby would have been 8 weeks old at the time of wedding as it was abroad she factored that into her planning! I told My mum at 12 weeks and lt spread like wildfire from there. No sharing updates or scans! That was just for my husband and me!

How you would share your pregnancy has no bearing on how she shares hers.

Your DH didn't need to mention that he'd known or was asked to keep it from you.

Assuming that this is your husband's sister and not his brother's wife, then she should be able to tell her sibling something in confidence and expect that confidence to be kept.