Am I wrong for feeling abit annoyed?

[SunnyL23]

Need some thoughts here on who is in the wrong on this, my sister in law told my husband she was pregnant but wasnt announcing to everyone yet, and when he said to her that he'd just tell me if that was okay, she said she'd be really angry and disapointed in him if he even told his wife, that he should keep it to himself till she announced to everyone, in few weeks time.
When my husband told me he knew later on, and said what she told him about him telling me, it just kinda made me feel it was a weird thing for her to ask him to keep it a secret from his wife.
In my view if I were pregnant again i'd tell all my family when I was ready for them all to know, as I did at 11 weeks pregnant with my son, after I had a scan photo to show everyone aswel, I wouldn't tell my brother and expect him to keep it a secret, but mabye this i'm overthinking?

The close bond of her manipulating her brother by not asking him FIRST if he would be willing to keep her secrets, and then barking orders at him then throwing a shit fit because she thinks she's the first woman to ever get pregnant. Yeah, heartwarming 😆

You've got a bad case of Main Character Syndrome.

Just because someone tells your husband something, that doesn't mean you're automatically entitled to know about it too. It's her baby and her body and this isn't about you. You don't have any ownership over this, and she's perfectly entitled to share something with her own brother in complete confidence.

It’s not manipulative!

She said, please keep this personal information about my life private, even from your wife.

The info doesn't affect the OP at all, knowing a few weeks later doesn’t impact her or damage her relationship with her DH. The info didn’t concern some kind of moral quandary that her DH would have wrestle with/require support for.

She’s not the first person to get pregnant, but she is entitled to protect her privacy and I’d have thought most women would understand why.

I tell my DH pretty much everything, but if my sibling (or an friend) asked me to keep something private, I would of course.

I’m not sure someone advocating deliberately deceiving friends/ family who trust them, betraying their confidence and then lying about doing so, is really the behaviour of a “functioning” member of society. Eventually, usually, such behaviour is uncovered so even if that person has the required lack of conscience to behave so dishonestly, it is unlikely to end well for them and will likely severely damage some of their relationships when at least some of their deceits inevitably come to light.

Did you post this on the wrong thread? This scenario only seems to have taken place in your head.

That would explain it!

Such bizarre behaviour, like the world should revolve around them even when the matter in question is none of their business at all.

As you know, blurting out news and THEN demanding someone keeps it a secret from their close loved ones is coercive, controlling and manipulative.

There is no way to argue against that.

Whether it affects OP or not is not relevant. It's her brother she tried to manipulate, and failed. He obviously doesn't like keeping secrets from his wife. It's not his sister's place to coercively demand that. She should have checked with him FIRST if he'd be willing to keep her secrets, not vomited on him and then started throwing a shit fit.

If she asked him first "Can you keep a secret from everyone if I tell you something?" and then told him, it's fine. But I would be utterly shocked if that's the way it went down.

She's only pregnant, she needs to get over herself, and if she wants to keep it secret she should stop flapping her gums about it.

That might be a tad overwritten no?

to quote my 12 year old it’s not that deep.

husband and wife confiding in each other is normal behaviour, combined with tact nobody is upset, hurt, compromised or damaged.

It's nothing to do with you. If she had asked him to keep a secret that impacted on you I could understand your annoyance but she shared her own news with her brother in confidence. Some people like to keep pregnancy news under wraps to avoid having to deal with questions and condolences if there is a loss.

If someone told my Dh something in confidence I’d expect him to keep his mouth shut, unless the secret directly impacted me in a negative way (not a surprise party or something) which this wouldn’t.

I'm actually glad she knows he told his wife. She's been given a healthy reality check - she doesn't get to order her brother around and demand he keeps secrets that HE does not want to keep from his wife.

Also, she's only pregnant and really needs to get over herself.

This is a good reality check for everyone actually.

Don't flap your gums at people and THEN demand they keep your secrets. That's not your place to decide.

Always ask the person first if they are willing to keep a secret from everyone before you inflict it on them. If they say yes, go for it.

Mumsnet is absolutely wild for the number of members who think their husbands and partners must tell them everything. The codependency and entitlement is mad.

Nah. Literally doesn't matter who he told. His dopey sister should have asked him FIRST if he was willing to keep secrets for her.

She didn't (I am willing to bet) so he can tell everyone if he likes. You don't get to vomit out a secret and then start throwing a tantrum if the person you puked it onto wants to tell other people. Always ask first if they are willing to keep secrets.

Plus, the daft woman is only pregnant, it's just not that important to most people. If she wants to keep it a secret, she should stop telling people.

Of course she could choose who she wants to know when! A husband and wife have separate relationships and separate families.

U ok hun?

i’m sorry someone’s kept a secret from you in the past. 😞

It’s really odd that you consider that a private conversations between two people is information that you are free to broadcast to whomever you see fit unless specifically stated otherwise beforehand. This is not how normal human interaction works. People speaking to a friend or family member about anything are not giving tacit permission for you to publicise that conversation between two people and gossip about it to everybody you know. When it is clearly something very personal it should go without saying that norm is that the trusted person being confided in should not share the information unless explicitly agreed otherwise.

If someone genuinely believes that it’s acceptable to blab and gossip about anything anybody tells them to whomever they feel like even when it is clearly something very personal and private, unless they’ve been made to promise specifically to keep it a secret, people learn quite quickly not to tell that person very much at all because of their immaturity, attention-seeking and untrustworthiness.

Most adults don’t have to be dealt with like a 5-year-old who isn’t yet capable of understanding social norms and has to be specifically told not to tell people about a surprise party, etc.

The only “reality check” she’ll have had is that her brother can’t be trusted to behave like an adult and she needs to distance herself from him.

Are you a small child? Do you realise that first sentence (for want of a better word) is not actually English?

I realise you love being manipulative and controlling. Didn't work this time though.

YW :)

I know no such thing.

“coercive” ???? That’s an extremely odd view of this situation, really very strange. You do seem unnecessarily angry about this.

And my reading of the OP is that he did keep the secret, only telling his wife he knew after it was public.

OP I can understand why you were a wee bit hurt, as you presumably feel your SIL is implying that she’s closer to her DB than to you. But in this case I don’t think she was unreasonable.

Who hurt you?

Lol. Her reality check is that she can't vomit secrets at people without asking them first if they will keep her secrets, and then have a hysterical meltdown when they use their autonomy and choose if they want to tell other people.

She can just use her manners and ask first if they don't mind keeping her secrets. Good lesson for her to learn.

Also, nobody really gives a fuck, except probably her mother. She's only pregnant. it's no big deal.

Tell your mum you've been in at her gin love, and get off Reddit. I know you think repeating teenage comebacks is super effective, but you're humiliating yourself.

YW :)

Confiding in each other about things which are relevant to your relationship, yes. Betraying confidences that have nothing to do with your spouse and won’t impact them in any way, of course not. You do realise that after people get married they are actually still separate human beings? I can’t believe anybody actually thinks it’s acceptable to blab to their spouse without permission private information about someone else who trusted them to keep it to themself.

If I thought that my sisters discussed everything or anything we shared privately with their husbands I would never confide in them again.
Likewise I would not betray a friend’s or a sister’s trust by sharing any personal private information with my DH.

Wow, what a seriously messed up post.

It may be time to go on a hunt for your moral compass.