Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

I would just say you forgot the present and drop one off next week doesn't have to be expensive

@Sleepingworries Do you actually want your kid to be invited to parties?

Look on the brightside, your kid will never be invited to another party as all the Mum's will probably be chatting about it.

I think it is too late now to pretend you have a present but just forgot it so I'd be honest with the mum (well semi honest at least). Tell her you forgot about the party, have been busy etc and maybe offer her child over for a play date or gift a small present in lieu of the forgotten present.

OP says the party was last weekend so it really is too late to do anything about it now. It would seem (as it is) a total afterthought and even ruder.

Thinking about it I don't even know why you went to the party knowing you would arrive half way through. I think in some ways it would have been better to make up an emergency situation when the friend messaged asking where you were.

It’s normal to take a present but tbh if my child had a whole class party and a child didn’t bring a present I wouldn’t be offended / judgemental about it. I also think a homemade card is fine instead of a gift. I’d rather that than some cheap B&M tat bought in a panic.

Not go at all. I would have been embarrassed.
You asked if you’d made a mistake not taking a gift, I think you did.
Not many people would think it’s ok to turn up late without a gift to a child’s party.

Don't be obtuse.

Have you lived on a remote island your whole life? Faux pas? No, just downright rude.

Do the present now, then it looks like you did actually forget it.

I can’t believe you ‘didn’t know’ you had to take a card or a gift to a child’s birthday party. It’s wasn’t even a casual invite to pop round to someone’s house for a gathering, it was a proper organised party in a venue with entertainment and catering!

Also it’s astonishing that it has now been 7 whole days since you made this error and instead of remedying it you decide to post on Mumsnet! Do you not care that people will think you’re a cheeky fucker?! Do you not want your child to be invited to parties or for yourself to remain friends with this group? As you’re really not painting yourself in a good light here!

How can you not know this? Did you never attend a party yourself as a child? Can't say I needed to be told a to take a present when my eldest child started to attend parties! Do you not normally take a bottle or a gift when you attend any birthday gathering?

Yes! Also turning up that late was very rude. Did you rsvp even?
You could redeem yourself by giving a present now saying you “ordered it but it was delayed”, they’ll know it’s an excuse but better than nothing!

This has to be another one of mumsnet's weekend AI windups!

I´d have pretended I´d left it at home by accident, apologised and have dropped something off with a card the next day.
I grew up in a very non welathy area and it was very normal to take a small gift to a party along with a card.

Yes you're supposed to, but honestly anyone who would get really offended by this is an absolute twat IMO. You don't invite kids to your child's party for the presents! particularly if it's a big one in a hall.

Don't worry about it too much, they probably wouldn't have noticed anyway!
Take it as lesson learned for next time!

(Tips: I put birthday invitations on the fridge to remember about parties, as well as on my Google calendar.
Also a friend of mine gave me the brilliant idea to buy a stock of kids birthday cards on Amazon, and a couple of generic presents on sales to keep for emergencies!).

As no doubt everyone else has said, you should have said you forgot the present at home. You get a present asap, and you give it to the mum the next time you see her. Forgetting a present happens. Not giving a present is rude.

The gift I wouldn’t be concerned about but the showing up late because you forgot would annoy me a bit. There was a total no-show at DD’s 4th birthday, not even a text to apologise, and I was initially giving the benefit of the doubt (possible emergency etc) but then I saw the dad at pick up about two weeks later and he casually went “oh god we realised the other day we’d forgotten the party, yeah sorry about that” - and I have to admit, that annoyed me.

It's not a big deal. You won't be ostracised (at least, not by anyone who is worth having as a friend). It's certainly normal to bring a small gift and a card but typically a birthday party with 11 guests will produce an average of 8 gifts, it's not unusual that some guests don't, though it gets more unusual for the more expensive parties where it's obvious that the birthday child's parents have spent £20+ per head on each guest. However, a birthday party invitation is not a demand for a concomitantly expensive gift and in some cases a guest might be invited from a family that has no spare money for cards or gifts, so a good parent will be teaching their child to never judge a friend for not bringing a gift because anyone who only wants wealthy friends is not a good person. However if you do have a the funds, a birthday card with a £5 note in it and an 'oops I left this at home by accident on Saturday' could be handed over at the school gates in the next few days.

Then she just says she forgot to bring it with her

This..for the record for anyone reading this and still unsure...if you are attending a birthday party you need to bring a gift. End of.

Yes, I saw that it was last weekend but I still think she can make an effort to fix this, if she wants to. I disagree that giving a late present will appear ruder than not doing anything at all.

You turned up halfway through the party as well?
I'd have been more bothered about that to be honest, that's completely rude, sorry.
You either attend or not, not rock up halfway through like an afterthought.
Taking a present is usually the done thing, if you didn't know though, you didn't know so at least you do now.
Doesn't have to be anything expensive, just something like a craft set, jigsaw or something like that from the Works or something like that.

Sorry OP that was poor. Better late than never. There’s still time to redeem yourself and get something for next time you see the wee one?