Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

414 replies

Sleepingworries · 04/10/2026 11:52

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

OP posts:
Waytoohothot · 04/10/2026 15:24

Do what you want but your child wont be invited next year

Sugargliderwombat · 04/10/2026 15:25

Sleepingworries · 04/10/2026 12:42

It was a village hall but there was an entertainer which we only saw the end of. We were there for the food, cake and party bags so the host didn’t loose money in that respect

Show quote history

Uh oh late too! Send a small gift and an apology for forgetting...

StuNur85 · 04/10/2026 15:27

I grew up in one of the poorest council schemes in my town. I still knew you take a present to a birthday party. Absolutely not buying that op.

LorryPeterShells · 04/10/2026 15:32

Sleepingworries · 04/10/2026 13:34

But what was I supposed to do once we got there ? Refuse all the food and drink they’d supplied and not let my child have a party bag either ?!

It was embarrassing enough forgetting about the party but was I meant to just stand there not eating and drinking while all the other mums did? And make my child stand to the side while the little ones ate too?!

Edited
Show quote history

At the time you say, "I'm so sorry, I've been an idiot and left the present behind. Can I drop it round tomorrow/next day/ at the school gate?" and then you get out and get one, wrap it and deliver it accordingly! Forgetfulness and slightly late present is fine - no present ever is not!

DiscoCherries · 04/10/2026 15:32

My kids are in school now and we go to so many parties. It’s so easy to forget. Nowadays the second I get that invite, I check the date and if we can make it I RSVP and add it to my digital calendar immediately. It’s the only way I remember - don’t put it off for later, I do it the second I get it! If it’s a paper invite I take a photo of it too because we always lose them. Rule of thumb for me is card and gift to approx £10. You don’t need to go mad.

It’s your first rodeo, don’t worry too much. Now you know for the future!

APC303 · 04/10/2026 15:33

We had one who didn't bring anything a few weeks ago. Poured a glass of water over another child's head too. And took all the Party Rings before being shamed by the other children. He's never coming again.

RunningJo · 04/10/2026 15:34

You apologise for your lateness, say you’d got the time wrong and in a rush to leave you forgot the present. Then drop one off.

I can’t believe you’re even asking if it’s a faux pas, I genuinely don’t know anyone who would be surprised to see gifts at a party.

LBFseBrom · 04/10/2026 15:37

You could have bought a card and little gift, or put money in card, and delivered it later. People often forget or leave card at home but they put it right.

strictlybusinessuntildecember · 04/10/2026 15:38

The biggest faux pas was being late in the first place and rocking up half way through

i highly suspect you’ll be the talk of the mums after this - especially showing up with not so much as a card either

madaboutpurple · 04/10/2026 15:39

How on earth didn't you realise a present would be needed. Your naivety made me smile just a little.

Agatha1989 · 04/10/2026 15:40

Of course you should have taken a present!!

Nevermind31 · 04/10/2026 15:43

Why would you even think to not bring a present???
got future, buy a big pack of birthday cards and stick a not in…

stichguru · 04/10/2026 15:45

Turning up late is rude
Turning up without a present is rude.
Yes you were very rude. Get you child to take a card and present next time they see the child.

Chilly80 · 04/10/2026 15:46

Turning up half way through was ruder. I wouldn't have gone at all and sent an apology message later feigning illness.

ByRoseBiscuit · 04/10/2026 15:46

It’s not the best when you turned up so late as well, just seems like you didn’t want to put in any effort. Don’t be surprised if you get a similar lack of effort the other way round

BreatheAndFocus · 04/10/2026 15:46

Gobsmacked? And your DC was hurt?That's a bit excessive.
My DC have had parties where 1 or 2 guests haven't brought gifts. As an adult, I can imagine there may be financial circumstances that mean they can't afford to buy a gift and that's OK - they were invited because my kid enjoys spending time with their kid and I'd rather they came along than decline the invitation because they couldn't afford a gift

No, it’s not. Only 6 children came. The parents of this child are not struggling for money. You just made that bit up.

If they had been struggling, that would have been absolutely fine. I remember once a child that came to my party gave me a hand-drawn card and a little packet of sweets. Even at the age of 8 I understood that that might be because they couldn’t afford anything and I was touched as they’d written something nice inside and stuck a flower on the card.

That’s completely different than a parent who very much can afford a present not bothering. That’s why my DC was upset - because it looked like neither the parent or child had given them or their birthday a moment’s thought.

Fencegate · 04/10/2026 15:49

I can’t believe you are even having to ask OP!

Im not the most organised parent - I forget about the gift side regularly BUT at worst case, I grab a card, cash for inside it and some sweets/chocolate to put in a little gift bag. Takes 5 minutes at a supermarket on the way.

I would, if the parent hasn’t realised yet, just say you completely forgot to pick up the card/gift when you were leaving the house and pass one to the child/parent on Monday

LucyBrownCow · 04/10/2026 15:53

I posted above that you did indeed commit a couple of social missteps. However, after reading a few additional comments, I will add that I very much hope the other mums aren't gossiping about you or planning to exclude your child from future parties. That sort of behaviour is far worse than anything you've done.

PinkBottle75 · 04/10/2026 15:53

I once turned up to a party one week later OP.

I gave the present and card anyway at the start of the school week, to the mum. It's fine. Don't beat yourself up. We all forget stuff.

Over the years we had some nice gifts and some really shit ones. Some that had been opened and used! Some forgot, some didn't. Some spent, some didn't.

In the end it was if the kids had a nice time at the party and made some memories, that was all that mattered.

All the presents have been thrown away or given to charity now. I really wouldn't over think it too much. When I think the hours of analysis I gave to these sorts of things back then, I wish someone could have told me none of it really mattered that much.

Sassylovesbooks · 04/10/2026 15:53

Yes. A child being invited to a party means they need to bring a present. It's not too late. At the very least buy a card, and put money inside, and give to the Mum at the school gate.

Satisfiedwithanapple · 04/10/2026 15:56

Lolz yes it is. But I reckon just style it out, they were probably relieved to not have more plastic crap
cluttering up their house.

malefields · 04/10/2026 16:02

Sleepingworries · 04/10/2026 12:42

It was a village hall but there was an entertainer which we only saw the end of. We were there for the food, cake and party bags so the host didn’t loose money in that respect

Show quote history

I’m so confused about all of this, I hope it wasn’t written the way I’m interpreting it.

Regardless of growing up wealthy or not, showing up on time for a party is basic respect and being there just for the food and party bag comes across as so disrespectful.

Pipnfinn · 04/10/2026 16:03

Has your child ever had a birthday party...?

TheAutumnCrow · 04/10/2026 16:03

Sleepingworries · 04/10/2026 13:34

But what was I supposed to do once we got there ? Refuse all the food and drink they’d supplied and not let my child have a party bag either ?!

It was embarrassing enough forgetting about the party but was I meant to just stand there not eating and drinking while all the other mums did? And make my child stand to the side while the little ones ate too?!

Edited
Show quote history

Obviously not. You might have mentioned to the child's parent that you'd drop a card and/or small gift off today or on Monday. It didn't and doesn't have to be a big deal or the subject of a socio-economic analysis.

Walkerzoo · 04/10/2026 16:04

Oh gosh. There really wasn't a garage close by where you could have picked up a card and stuck a fiver in it?!

Learning point is to use a calendar, confirm with parent if attending, and keep a stash of cards in house. I also kept a few presents aside for times when I couldn't get to shop