Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

OP, dont feel bad.

For my own children's parties, I invite people for the children to have fun and play together. I have no expectation of them being brought presents, and don't get upset if people hadnt brought them. The DC never noticed if a particular guest/s hadnt given a present, because they get so many.

I would rather have a guest turn up late have the food/party bag because ive already accounted and paid for them

Give them a card with cash in it or a wrapped gift on Monday and apologise for forgetting.

!! It's a good excuse .

But what I was supposed to do once we got there?

Give a sincere apology for turning up late and forgetting to bring a present and then say you would drop it off as soon as possible.

It's not too late to fix this, give a card and present asap. I think it's especially important you do so since you turned up halfway through the party, that's considered quite rude.

https://www.familycorner.co.uk/guide-childrens-birthday-party-etiquette/

Of course you bring a present to any birthday party you are invited to. A card with money attached to a bag of sweets is also acceptable. Don't you at least take a bottle of wine or something token gift if invited to an adult's party or if you invited around someone's house for a meal?
Surely even more important where a child is concerned.

Eh? Of course you take a present to a kids birthday party! But most people understand parents are juggling many things and a quick, sorry will drop the pressie tomorrow/bring to school etc is fine

Its one thing if you cant afford it. But you had forgotten about the party. Thats what is also bad form

No it’s not late. You should get a card and a gift and give it as soon as you can. If you tell us the age of the child, people can give you some ideas if you need them

Well, obviously you made more than one faux pas. Not only did you not bring a card or present, you also arrived late. Not exactly crimes of the century, but you put a foot wrong socially.

Even though you didn’t have typical birthday parties as a child, you must have read books, seen films, had conversations with people about such things?

You made 2 mistakes - forgetting to attend the party and forgetting to bring (even) a card.

Once you had turned up then of course you shouldn't have refused food/drink/party bag. No-one would suggest that. Presumably you apologised for being late and for "forgetting" the card/gift.
Drop off a card and small token gift either at their house or the next time you see them.
Put reminders in your phone or calendar for parties in future. Cards and gifts can be small and inexpensive - and bought in bulk so you have a few spare just in case.
But don't sweat it now, it's not a huge deal.

I wouldn’t exclude the child. I would judge the parent. I’d be more forgiving of no gift as we don’t know their financial circs but the combo of late, no card would have me raise my eyebrows

There are plenty of replies which have made it clear you got it wrong. It happens, we all get stuff wrong, but the most important thing here really is how you will remedy this. I do think it’s important that you drop off a gift. Nothing extravagant but something small for the child.

I’m sure if you gave the child’s age and your budget you’d get lots of great suggestions.

Surely you have been to an adult birthday party or at least have seen a birthday party on tv.

It's done now but you'll know for next time. Birthdays, weddings, christenings, house warmings, baby showers.....most happy occasions involve at least a token gift.

I thought that too.

As the party was last weekend I would take your card with £10 in it and give it over tomorrow with a feeble excuse that you just found this in your bedroom / the boot of the car / or somewhere else really stupid and just realised you hadn't given it over at the party and apologise.

Did you tell anyone that you didn't know you were supposed to bring a gift and card?

I think you're just going to have to lie through your teeth. Wrap something up, buy a card. Drop by their house today "on your way to the park" or whatever and apologise profusely for forgetting in the chaos of the day

Great way to make sure your OP is not invited to any other party...

Gobsmacked? And your DC was hurt?
That's a bit excessive.
My DC have had parties where 1 or 2 guests haven't brought gifts. As an adult, I can imagine there may be financial circumstances that mean they can't afford to buy a gift and that's OK - they were invited because my kid enjoys spending time with their kid and I'd rather they came along than decline the invitation because they couldn't afford a gift.
My child didn't notice one time and did notice another, but wasn't bothered because they understand that they didn't invite their friend along in order to receive a gift.

I think that even if people can't afford a gift they can at least make a card. A child's drawing and the parent writing happy birthday on it at least shows some thought.

Some harsh responses on here, why can't people just be kind! Not everybody has the same background. I didn't celebrate birthdays as a child, never recieved birthday presents or attended a birthday party. I got my first birthday cake aged 25 from my husband! I was and still am at times unfamiliar with birthday etiquette! Don't fret OP, just send a late present, I'm sure they will still appreciate it.

Im working class we knew not to attend parties late and to bring a card and present , this is beyond cheeky fuckery behaviour. Completely bad manners

@Sleepingworries "I am British but I grew up in a very poor area so birthday parties weren’t extravagant, it was more playing in the park or tea at a friends house. I don’t really remember the present side of it"

Sorry OP, but that sounds like complete nonsense. I grew up poor too but birthday presents (or at least cards) have always been an expectation. Surely you're aware that people buy other people presents or cards for their birthdays? If nothing else you would've seen it on TV, heard it in conversation or on social media. Unless you live in some very weird bubble (like an Amish community) this all sounds very odd.

It was all a bit of a shit show. You forgot the party. You turned up late and you didn't bring a present. Did you send a text after thanking them for inviting your child abd saying what a wonderful tine they had?

In future put the party date in your phone diary as soon as you rsvp. Ask if the party child has an amazon wishlist or what sort of things they like and get the gift straight away.

If I were you, I'd pop a card round with £10 in it and drop it in the door. You already apologised for forgetting the card so style it out and drop it like you had it already.

We go to a lot of parties generally I buy a gift equal ish to the cost of the party. I also buy a gift from both children if they are both invited.

I wouldn't be upset if someone attended one of my parties with a token gift. Someone came once with a card, colouring book and a bag if haribo. My daughter was happy with it. Empty handed would upset me. At £15 per head plus £3/£4 party bag and adult food there is an expectation attendees will bring something.

How strange! I grew up on a council estate but it was the norm to take a present to a birthday party even if just crayons and a colouring book chocolate and a card .
I think you should probably buy something for the child , and hand it over apologising for forgetting.
Have you been in the area long?