Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

If you don’t know you don’t know. I also grew up in a poorer area and parties wernt really a feature. I’d drop a card / gift round and apologise say you forgot them. Going forward put things in your calendar, buy a gift and card. It varies in areas on cost , I live in a lower middle class area and £10 is typical spend although I have been known to re gift from time to time.

I was a 60s child and it was normal to exchange presents at parties!
OP get a present and call round with it today.

Of course you bring a present to a child's birthday party when your child is invited. I'd get something around there today and say sorry, you'd left it at home.

I was brought up in poverty on a council housing estate. Of course, we always brought a present if we were invited to a birthday party, which wasn't often.

It's terribly embarrassing for your child that you have chosen not to do this. Buy a gift and give it to them. Much, much better late than never.

In future if you forget to organise a present, stick a tenner in their card (or a fiver if you really can't stretch to £10).

This can’t be real surely?

It's not too late. Go and get a present.

OP the last kids party we went to I genuinely left the present and card on our kitchen table. Only realising my mistake when we were almost there. Can’t you just say the same and go get something and a card.

The only child who never brought a present to mine was a boy who was being raised by his grandparents, his parents were on drugs (mind, the grandparents weren't much better!) so I didn't mind that at all. Atleast he was having a good time and plenty of attention with and from us.

I was also brought up in a poor area but the norm for even house parties, was pound coins taped in a card or a box of Maltesers. It really shocked me when we were receiving £20 in cards and decent toys for my children! But we always reciprocated the same back to those. I'd still get a present if I were you, it doesn't matter that the party has been and gone. Just blame Evri for not delivering it in time 😅

Honestly op I would text her and apologise for being late and forgetting the gift and arrange to drop one off to her ASAP

I think the thing is your initial posts says its too late now...are you actually now going to drop round a present and card like everyone is telling you to do? Not sure you are taking that on board and apologising for your lateness.

Also on the note of finances I think if someone made/brought a card to a party with no gift I would think that's fine (and assume they couldn't afford a gift but at least went to the effort of giving a card). A quick scribble on a piece of paper, drawing drawing round the child's hand can be a way of making a quick card if you can't afford to buy one.

You message the parent, apologise for being late and forgetting the card/present and say you will drop it round later. That is how you turn this embarrassment around! Yes you were extremely rude and if I was the parent of the birthday child I would be making sure to never invite you again. But you can mitigate the damage by buying a present now and giving it to them asap.

When I was a child, presents were also a lot smaller - a box of Maltesers, Matchmakers or liquorice allsorts, a small box of coloured pencils or a book or small game like Happy Families cards. Now it seems to be a lot more.

Could you not send a card and small gift or put some money in the card when you next see them as it was a genuine mistake? Thats what I would do anyway

You should have apologised for being late and said that in your rush you’d forgotten the card and present but will give it to child on Monday or whatever.

Obviously you take a present and a card! If you’re really not able to stretch to much, you give £5 or even a large bar of Dairy Milk, but it’s mean to accept an invitation and not even think to give a single thing.

One of my DC had a party a few months ago, and one of the 6 children invited didn’t bring a present or card. I was gobsmacked. My DC was hurt. They tried to explain it by saying this child didn’t get invited to many parties - I’m not surprised! It’s the inconsiderateness and thoughtlessness that’s the issue.

I would take a gift and card round today, and also apologise for being late. As long as you’re sincere and make a bit of effort I’m sure the friendship will survive.

I feel for you op. You obviously didn’t know that this was the “norm”. But, no one died, you’ll know for next time and you can totally save the situation by dropping round a present and card and saying you forgot them in the rush. No harm done.

Party = token gift.

Is there a reason it doesnt occur to you a party would require a gift (unless invitation says no gifts)

It may have gone unnoticed if you werent so late. Tbh next time if you forget say you have plans/are ill etc and dont go. Thats better than being late and empty handed

I'm not going to repeat what everyone has already said but I'll give you a few tips to prevent it from happening again.

Go to the card factory and buy a bundle of unisex birthday cards. They usually do a multi deal of x cards for £x.

Keep them in The boot of your car with a pen and a few boxes of maltesers/sweets.

Then all you've got to do is stick £10 in and sign the card. This will save you time if you're in a rush and don't have time to buy a gift.

If someone invites you to their home especially for dinner or an occasion, do take a gift for the host. A bunch of flowers, chocolate or fancy biscuits/cake; these are good social manners to have. If my mate invites me round for a coffee, I also take a pack of her favourite biscuits.

I appreciate that in your background, people didn't do this due to cost implications so that's why you grew up not knowing. Now that you do know, it's easy to rectify your mistake so no major harm done.

Buy a present and give it to the mum of course you bring a gift to a child's party

By buying gifts for people you will be teaching your child social etiquette which is a handy life skills to have. Especially if you're from a lower economic background having to navigate a different social circle to what you're used to.

What you do at this point or should have was apologise at the party for leaving the present at home in such a rush.

You then buy a present and have it ready for the next day at school or a fiver/tenner in a card.

You’ll be known as the tight parent who turned up late double whammy.

@HeckYeah I think the Op means they were at the venue when the food, cake were served and the party bags given out.

Not that they only went for the food, cake and party bags!

Come off it, @Sleepingworries , you weren't raised by wolves.

I know it was probably slightly different when I was a child - my birthday party going days were in the early 60s - but we were all poor in my circle yet no one would have dreamed of
turning up to a party without something to give, however small by today's standards - a comic, a colouring book. I can remember my Mum giving me ideas of things to make as presents for people.
However, I think you were actually far ruder in forgetting about the party altogether. What sort of message does that give to the person who was kind enough to ask you, particularly as you accepted? They and their child really aren't important to you so next time, say no.

If this was, as you say, last weekend, why are you asking now anyway? You've had a whole week to put things right and haven't done that. See, it's not really important to you.

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