Did I make a faux pas at child’s party by not bringing a present ?

[Sleepingworries]

My child was invited to a birthday party for the first time last weekend and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring along a present… it was only when I saw a pile of presents in the courner that it made me wonder if that is the done thing.

I’d totally forgotton about the party, and only remembered when one of the other mums text me asking where I was so I also didn’t have a card either and got there halfway through.

Have I made a faux pas here ?! I did apologies for not remebering the card but it’s a bit late now.

At least you have asked and found out, so be pleased with yourself for that. And take the child a decent present.

Very poor excuse.
I also came from a deprived area and family and my mum died when I was two and I never had birthday parties and still struggle now to celebrate my own…however I knew exactly what was expected when my own children were invited to birthday parties.

I’d just send a text with a little white lie. So sorry, just found the present in the boot etc. and drop it off. A little gift is expected but doesn’t need to cost the earth!

either not go at all, and invent a reason - car broke down, sudden sickness. Or go, apologise that you'd forgotten and were out somewhere when other friend reminded you, so didn't have card and present with you, then as soon as party had finished go out and buy card and present and drop it straight back round their house so birthday child still received it the same day.

I don't even have kids and get this.

There was nothing wrong with you initially forgetting the party/not realising presents would be expected - everyone makes mistakes or is in unfamiliar situations at some point in their lives. But everything you've done after that, including this thread, is much weirder.

If you realised at the time cards and presents were expected why has it taken you a week to ask people? It is probably too late now to give the child something but it wouldn't have been if you'd done so as soon as you got home! And asking if you should have stood there and not eaten anything is just insane, to the point I can only assume you're doing some sort of faux-naive questioning, as surely nobody could really genuinely be asking that?

I understand you grew up in a less wealthy area than you currently live in but your posts make it sound as if you're from mars and have minimal experience of any human interaction!

And party bags you say 🤔 and yet you have never taken your child to a party before and yet you were not surprised to get a party bag leaving. Pull the other one 🤭. I'm not a parent and even I understand how this works.

well, try and get more organised so you don’t forget. Parties are a lot of work and it would be sad for the child if all their friends were to forget and come late or not at all…

For example, getting a present and card soon after you get the invite and then it will work as a reminder to both attend and take something. I usually spend £10-15 unless I know them really well when I’ll do a little bit more. Even money in a card works!

And yes I totally agree with other posters that your upbringing is no excuse!!

I grew up in a very deprived area - we were homeless for a couple of years living in hostels so no parties whatsoever.

still knew that if you attend a party you take something…

Card with a tenner on Monday ✌

You are very unreasonable and rude to not bring a present or card and also to forget it and turn up late. You need to do better than this.

I would not give a tiny second thought to someone turning up without a gift. I would hate for a child to skip a party because they couldn’t bring a gift.
I send a text to everyone who came, to say thank you for everything today, I hope x had a great time.
I don’t go through the gifts to see who gave what.

What???

Just drop off a small present to the child and apologise for the lateness in person. No harm done.

Just so you know, for future invitations, please bring a token as a sign of appreciation, regardless of what the hosts say. this is exactly the kind of unspoken social etiquettes we learned (or in my case instilled by my mum).

I know, I know 🫣 he/she would have got away with it if they hadn't casually mentioned party bags like it was a done thing.

Pretty crap of you to use such a lame excuse such as you didn't realise you had to buy a present. I wouldn't expect many more invitations considering you turned up late, empty handed, ate, drank, took a party bag and left. Bloody rude!

You must have watched TV at some point though, @Sleepingworries ? Or read books? Or wandered down the card aisle in a supermarket and noticed all the birthday cards specifically marketed for children?

Surely you became familiar with how children's parties work through these observation?

It’s getting tiresome isn’t it?

The thing is, you are not supposed to do anything when you get there. You are supposed to arrive on time and with a gift. As an adult you are also supposed to have systems in place to remember parties and other events. Like using your phone‘s calendar. You need to develop this asap as school will have constant demands you need to be on top of. The gift is for any party you are invited to. So you get invited to someone‘s house for a meal, you take a bottle of wine or flowers.

Also, do this.

I didn’t grow up wealthier all; parties was an invite to the birthday kid’s house to play have some cake. Yet presents were always brought! That’s the most exciting part for the bday kid- opening the gifts and getting new toys. Go buy a gift and leave it at their house today if you (your kid) want to be invited to a party again. This kind of reputation travels quick in parent groups.

You're not alone OP. The first party my eldest was invited to, there were 2 children sharing the celebration and the whole year group (Reception) were invited. 2 classes so maybe as many as 60 children. My child only knew one of the party givers as it was the September he started school. We had only moved to the area a couple of months earlier. One of the hostesses even said to me it was a good opportunity for all the children to get to know each other, so, whilst I knew 2 children were celebrating their birthdays, it didn't quite occur to me the party was entirely for them and presents were needed. Also, I thought, do I buy for both children or just the one my child knew? Surely each child couldn't receive nearly 60 presents?! So, in the end, I didn't provide a present. I did provide 2 birthday cards though. This was about 25 years ago but I still think about it sometimes and cringe to think I made the wrong decision. You live and learn, OP. I bet you won't make the same mistake again!

Of course you bring a present! Its very rude not to...

Yep.
But I blame us more for participating in it 🫣.

Generally yes people bring presents, however I'd rather people came without a present than didn't come at all.

Sorry why on earth would you not turn up to a child's party without a present and card, or card with money in. This is normal and unless you are not British you should know this. Please send something asap