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AIBU?

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AIBU to reconsider a long friendship over support for education tax?

1000 replies

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 10:46

A close friend of over 15 years last night unashamedly said she supported the children’s education tax. To put this in context, she is godmother to my ds and has seen first hand what damage this has done to children and families as well as her own sister losing her job when the school closed. She had maybe drank too much and has apologised over text this morning, but I really can’t shake the feeling that I don’t want to be around her.
AIBU -try and move past it
YANBU -it’s run it’s time

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
JassyRadlett · 03/10/2026 19:30

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 19:26

Not a policy like this and not where someone has seen up close how damaging it has been.

Can you tell me about a tax increase - particularly one affecting mainly personal or small business taxes - that hasn't had a damaging effect on some individuals?

The only ones I can really think of are windfall taxes and they don't raise nearly enough to run a society.

IdaGlossop · 03/10/2026 19:30

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 19:25

I abbreviated ‘Education and vocational training value added tax’ to education tax, I’m sure you’ll agree it’s less of a mouthful but is a good summary?

As I have suggested above, clarity is provided for all audiences by adopting the usage 'VAT'.

IdaGlossop · 03/10/2026 19:31

EasternStandard · 03/10/2026 19:18

It’s not that either but even Labour didn’t claim it would be. It was meant to improve state education.

6,000 teachers was the original hypothecation.

ThreadGuardDog · 03/10/2026 19:31

IdaGlossop · 03/10/2026 19:20

They don't teach that in independent schools. Redistribution of wealth is a spiteful socialist plot best avoided. I recommend delegation of all matters of taxation to an accountant.

Oh how I wish I’d said this !!

PinkCatCushion · 03/10/2026 19:34

OP didn’t you start exactly this thread some months ago? I’ve definitely seen it before.
Private education is a luxury product. Removing the VAT exemption seems entirely reasonable.
Private education has always only been available to the privileged few. If a few more people are now on the same side as the majority who cannot afford it, I don’t see that it matters in the great scheme of things. Those that can no longer afford the privilege of private education can join the majority in state education.

LilacMeadows123 · 03/10/2026 19:35

Sounds like you’d be doing her a favour

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 19:36

sosomewhereelse · 03/10/2026 19:26

@CoconutRumcake You don't care about children though, do you? Because if you did, you'd be putting at least as much energy into lobbying for something that actually affects children on a much wider scale, like the massive inequality in our education system, as you are into being upset that your friend has a perfectly valid opinion about VAT on private school fees.

And I really don't understand the "parents should have a choice" argument. Of course parents should have choices about lots of things for their children. But why should "choice" mean that if you have enough money, you can buy your child access to a different and, in many cases, more advantageous education system? children's educational opportunities shouldn't depend on how much money their parents have.

If private schools are so wonderful and you're genuinely worried about children losing access to them, then surely the thing to campaign for is a state education system that is so good that you wouldn't dream of paying thousands a year to escape it. That's where I'd want all this energy to go. Better schools, better funding, better opportunities for ALL children.
But instead there's this weird insistence that the important thing is preserving the ability of relatively wealthy parents to "choose" private education. Well, yes, they can choose it because they can afford it. If you think your children would lose something valuable by not being able to go to private school, then campaign for that thing to exist in state schools too. Don't argue that your child should be able to retain access to it because you've got the money to pay for it.
Because a child whose parents can't afford private school doesn't have that "choice". Their parents can love them just as much, care about their education just as much and want the very best for them just as much, but they simply don't have the money. So it's not really parental choice, is it? It's wealth determining which educational opportunities your child gets.

If you genuinely care about children, why not lobby for excellent state schools . Campaign for a system where a child's opportunities aren't determined by their parents' income... but you won't do that because you dont actually care about children, you care about those of the privelidged group you are part of and about maintaining a system that so very obviously is unfair and reproduces inequality.

But aside from this (as you can probably tell) I am staunchly anti-private-school and would abolish private schools altogether if it were up to me. But somehow I've managed not been unfriended by my friends who send their children to private school! Because people can have political opinions I strongly disagree with without me deciding to ruin history and relationships that are built on more

I don’t know why you come up with the opinion I don’t care about children simply because I oppose doing harm to children via spiteful punitive legislation? Perhaps I don’t campaign for other things involving children but I certainly don’t actively try and cause them harm because of prejudice and ideological reasons and then dress it up in self righteous nonsense.

When you unravel all the fluff it’s wrapped up in, your argument simply comes down to I don't want/could’t afford that choice therefore I don’t want anyone else’s children to have that choice. It’s no way for an adult to behave.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 03/10/2026 19:37

fuckeditupbadly · 03/10/2026 19:29

Thats fair, but so far no-one has engaged with my point that its a fallacy to say that there is a free education available to all..again I direct you to EBSA threads. It is also true that there is far more inequality between the best and worst state schools that the best state and nearby private schools. I can just about scrape together the fees ti keep my son in a school he can cope in. I cant afford the mortgage in a catchment of a decent state school. Its a massive double standard.

There is an awful lot of not engaging with other people's posts on this thread in general.

However I don't think that the fact I didn't respond to your specific point, which I hadn't discussed or raised anywhere else in the thread, negates the idea that "it's just spite" is quite a silly assertion.

LIZ1017 · 03/10/2026 19:40

I do think losing a friend over different opinions is mental especially a god parent. However, dispite the absolute backlash you have received I don't agree that people who pay, should pay more. It seems unfair and I can see how some people would push themselves to the limit financially to enable their children a better education and this tax would now push them to place their children in state schools which as a child surely this would be devastating (for parents and children). I think the average person sees this as absolutely fine because it would be their children benefiting (and mine too) however I don't think this should be at the expense of the "rich" (I say that loosely because I don't think it's just rich people using private schools).
We were absolutely rinsed using nurserys while I worked filltime and when I had 2 children using full-time nursery hours it was costing us over £2,300 a month. If the government decided to tax this more to fund state education the Mumsnet community would go absolutely crazy! I may have got this post completely wrong as I don't understand private schools or know much about government tax but I don't think you should be receiving the earful that you are getting from state school parents☺️
Sending a hug! Times are hard for everyone!

Livelovebehappy · 03/10/2026 19:40

AnswerIsNo · 03/10/2026 18:04

well, look at this from this perspective, if someone in a privileged position compared to the majority, complains about how hard done they are by having to pay more for things they can presumably still afford by choice

unsurprisingly generates an element of schadenfreude because it lands as being completely tone-deaf and devoid of empathy

it doesn't help that this particular person is refusing to engage with logic, while slagging their long-term friend off as an idiot

If you want to de-friend them over a difference in what sounds like an ideology, fine, do it, but don't ask for opinions and then refuse to engage in a sensible, or even coherent manner

meanwhile, as I've pointed out earlier, OP is doing well in terms of getting the maximum amount of traction out of this towards 40 pages and "thread locked"

But not everyone sending their dcs to privste school is privileged with a ton of money. There are people who just go without holidays, remain in a too small house, go without luxeries, to be able to afford it.

JassyRadlett · 03/10/2026 19:41

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 19:36

I don’t know why you come up with the opinion I don’t care about children simply because I oppose doing harm to children via spiteful punitive legislation? Perhaps I don’t campaign for other things involving children but I certainly don’t actively try and cause them harm because of prejudice and ideological reasons and then dress it up in self righteous nonsense.

When you unravel all the fluff it’s wrapped up in, your argument simply comes down to I don't want/could’t afford that choice therefore I don’t want anyone else’s children to have that choice. It’s no way for an adult to behave.

Why do you find it so hard to engage with the idea that people's views on this may be no more motivated by spite than any other tax change, OP?

JassyRadlett · 03/10/2026 19:43

fuckeditupbadly · 03/10/2026 19:29

Thats fair, but so far no-one has engaged with my point that its a fallacy to say that there is a free education available to all..again I direct you to EBSA threads. It is also true that there is far more inequality between the best and worst state schools that the best state and nearby private schools. I can just about scrape together the fees ti keep my son in a school he can cope in. I cant afford the mortgage in a catchment of a decent state school. Its a massive double standard.

And I should also add that you have my extreme sympathies for the situation you're in; it's absolutely crap and I've seen up close the impacts of the decimation of special needs support and the impacts on access to education for too many children.

Larsaleaping · 03/10/2026 19:44

Livelovebehappy · 03/10/2026 19:40

But not everyone sending their dcs to privste school is privileged with a ton of money. There are people who just go without holidays, remain in a too small house, go without luxeries, to be able to afford it.

If you have enough spare money to pay private school fees after paying mortgage & bills, then yes you are privileged. Do people really not realise how the majority of people live?

Seeing people moan about a 20% rise in something they are choosing to pay for that the majority of the country could never afford in the first place, is causing the perceived "spiteful attitude". It's completely tone deaf.

Greenandyellowday · 03/10/2026 19:44

DandyPlumPoet · 03/10/2026 13:48

there's also homeschool

Not a good plan for OP's children if she wants them to get a handle on English grammar... Just sayin'

fuckeditupbadly · 03/10/2026 19:44

JassyRadlett · 03/10/2026 19:37

There is an awful lot of not engaging with other people's posts on this thread in general.

However I don't think that the fact I didn't respond to your specific point, which I hadn't discussed or raised anywhere else in the thread, negates the idea that "it's just spite" is quite a silly assertion.

I dont think I said that. I've said there is a lot of spite and its quite obvious. I didnt say thats the only reason people are in favour of the VAT. I do think there's a huge amount of ignorance and assumption about what an average private school is like and what they do and what many of the parents are like.

EasternStandard · 03/10/2026 19:45

Livelovebehappy · 03/10/2026 19:40

But not everyone sending their dcs to privste school is privileged with a ton of money. There are people who just go without holidays, remain in a too small house, go without luxeries, to be able to afford it.

People spending disposable income to lower the state burden isn’t viewed the same way in many countries. We do a good line in electoral spite.

Grasshopperhopping · 03/10/2026 19:45

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 19:26

Not a policy like this and not where someone has seen up close how damaging it has been.

But how has it been damaging? It’s not a tax on children or on education, it’s 20% VAT on private school fees. State education remains publicly funded and available to everyone.

And I’m not sure how being a net taxpayer changes the argument. As a net taxpayer, you’re already contributing through your taxes towards state education, regardless of whether you have children.

Choosing private education is then an additional service that you choose to pay for yourself.

You can disagree with the policy, but I don’t think it’s accurate to frame it as a tax on education or children when it specifically applies to the private option.

And I really don’t think a close friend having a different view on a policy is worth falling out over

TheCompactPussycat · 03/10/2026 19:46

CoconutRumcake · 03/10/2026 19:36

I don’t know why you come up with the opinion I don’t care about children simply because I oppose doing harm to children via spiteful punitive legislation? Perhaps I don’t campaign for other things involving children but I certainly don’t actively try and cause them harm because of prejudice and ideological reasons and then dress it up in self righteous nonsense.

When you unravel all the fluff it’s wrapped up in, your argument simply comes down to I don't want/could’t afford that choice therefore I don’t want anyone else’s children to have that choice. It’s no way for an adult to behave.

But you didn't care who could or couldn't afford private education until it affected your own kids.

Interestingnamesuggestion · 03/10/2026 19:47

There are schools that do have charitable status, that are run as true charities, and keep fees as low as they can possibly be (which inevitably means they cannot absorb the VAT cost themselves, as a previous poster so confidently states they could choose to do).

Another previous poster asked for evidence of such schools and I can't find that post now.
The link I'm attaching refers to a few of these schools. I'm sure there are others as well.
https://www.irwinmitchell.com/news-and-insights/expert-comment/post/102mp6l/legal-challenge-does-vat-on-private-school-fees-interfere-with-the-human-right-t

Legal challenge: does VAT on private school fees interfere with the human right to receive an education?

Since 1 January 2025, private school fees have been subject to Value Added Tax (VAT) at the standard rate of 20%.

https://www.irwinmitchell.com/news-and-insights/expert-comment/post/102mp6l/legal-challenge-does-vat-on-private-school-fees-interfere-with-the-human-right-t

fuckeditupbadly · 03/10/2026 19:47

Larsaleaping · 03/10/2026 19:44

If you have enough spare money to pay private school fees after paying mortgage & bills, then yes you are privileged. Do people really not realise how the majority of people live?

Seeing people moan about a 20% rise in something they are choosing to pay for that the majority of the country could never afford in the first place, is causing the perceived "spiteful attitude". It's completely tone deaf.

Not really. I'm a single parent deliberately living in a very cheap part of the country. I think its odd to assert that anyone who can afford X can afford X +20%. Does everyone factor in that sort of possible rise for their financial commitments? I doubt it.

TheCompactPussycat · 03/10/2026 19:48

Livelovebehappy · 03/10/2026 19:40

But not everyone sending their dcs to privste school is privileged with a ton of money. There are people who just go without holidays, remain in a too small house, go without luxeries, to be able to afford it.

But there are people who just go without holidays, remain in a too small house, go without luxeries, and still can't afford it. Some of them can even spell luxuries properly!

Butterflyfluff · 03/10/2026 19:48

OP, if you invested the time and energy you’ve given to this, thread on some kind of side hustle, you could afford to continue to pay for private education.

The crux of this whole thread is you can’t afford it anymore and have sour grapes about it.

Charlie554 · 03/10/2026 19:48

fuckeditupbadly · 03/10/2026 19:08

But they dont make money. There are no shareholders, the income from fees goes straight out again on costs. That's why they aren't businesses just like any other.

Have you studied the accounts of private schools? Have you compared the salaries they receive against published salary scale for head teachers and teachers? Have you looked at how much the senior leadership earn per pupil? The ‘costs’ you reference - the largest cost in any educational establishment are salaries. They are absolutely run like a business with marketing professionals and business managers on the payroll. Think about what a charity is meant to do and compare that with what private schools look to achieve. Million miles apart.

JassyRadlett · 03/10/2026 19:48

fuckeditupbadly · 03/10/2026 19:44

I dont think I said that. I've said there is a lot of spite and its quite obvious. I didnt say thats the only reason people are in favour of the VAT. I do think there's a huge amount of ignorance and assumption about what an average private school is like and what they do and what many of the parents are like.

Sure - but when the average private school fees are more than half the median household income, I do think there is a fair amount of ignorance on all sides, which can make other people's arguments sound very tin-eared.

Livelovebehappy · 03/10/2026 19:49

bafta16 · 03/10/2026 17:54

because it's pathetic. Why should people have private education anyway?

Because of the shitty slternatives. Thsts why. Theres the other side of the coin too how some, whilst below the threshhold of being able to afford to go to private schools, can afford to buy up houses in areas with the best state schools, who then still have an advantage over others who cant afford homes near those schools. Therefore privilege comes via other routes, not just via private schooling.

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