AIBU to think they are encouraging DD4 to call stepmum Mummy?

[Expell]

dd4 has always lived 50/50 with me and her dad since birth. We had a fling and he left when I was pregnant. No hard feelings and we both parent amicably. He’s married and I am in a long term relationship.

dd4 has started calling his wife “mummy Emma” (not real name). I’ve spoken to dd4 dad and said it’s not acceptable and to not encourage it. He’s said he will correct her when she says it but they haven’t told her to say it. When I asked dd4 who told her to say it she said no one.

I’ve text dd dad’s wife and told her it’s upset me. Her reply was nice and she said she understood it would hurt and that she always says I’m her mummy, she’s just Emma.

aibu to think they’re encouraging her to say this and thah no 4 year old would say it on her own,

@McSpoot

I think it's a mis-reading of the original post. The OP said that her relationship with her ex was a fling and then described him as married (meaning married currently) but she didn't say that he was married at the time of their fling.

Some people are putting two and two together and making five.

I’d be thankful she has someone else in her life she feels close to, loved by, cared for. I wouldn’t care what she chose to call them.

You might not feel it, but it’s a good thing that your daughter sees her in this category. She’s a lucky girl to have more adults that she trusts and care for her. In time she’ll probably revert to Emma - she hasn’t dropped it after all. But for now just let her be, you’re not going to improve your own standing in her life by making her worry about this.

My daughters called my husband ‘daddy name’ since she was about 5. We never told her too, she just did it. Her dad doesn’t have an issue with it. I personally wouldn’t be bothered if she called his partner ‘mummy name’ either.
I think it’s nice they have such a good relationship.

You see mummy as a special title she sees it more as a job title.

Growing up my mum (a single mother) was very good friends with another single mum. She had 2 kids the same age as my brother and I, and then another boy who was 5 ish years younger. He used to call my mum 'mummy x' Us older kids used names for the other mother. They swapped childcare etc a lot, but there was a lot less than 50% care but he still saw her in the mummy role.

It sounds like your daughter has instigated this. I'd just be pleased she had such a nice relationship with her stepmum rather than making an issue of it.

Quite likely heard the idea at Pre-School and school with lots of seperate and / or gay parents and school books.

Foster kids younger than 4 call me mummy. Especially since my own little kids call me mummy so it feel natural for them to join in. It's as simple as they see me doing a mummy job so I must be mummy. Just constant very very gentle correction sorts it eventually.

My eldest use to call every male daddy. The dr, postman, random man in a shop. She wasn't from a 2 parent home like others and I think she was just confused. I always corrected her but in her little head men where daddies

I wouldn’t make a deal out of it. When she says mummy emma, just repeat back ‘oh Emma’… in time she’ll drop the mummy again … she’s only 4 and is just trying to make sense of the relationships..

my friend has a 3 year old boy and the other day he ran up to another man in the park and called him daddy… (his own dad is dead)…. She was shocked and embarrassed & told him dad is in heaven… but I think this is just childish behaviour where they’re trying to make sense
of the world around them