Don’t put him on the birth certificate

[helpmeplease12345671]

I’m part of a single parent what’s app group and saw a soon to be mum was stating she was going to meet her ex as he wants to co parent. He was absent for a number of months but wants to play a part.

we know that guy is most likely not going to be involved in the life of that child long term etc.

Aibu for agreeing the birth certificate should keep him off it?

I know I’m going against everyone. I wouldn’t. If he proves himself he can go on at a later date. Imagine trying to get permission of him to take the kid on holiday, the kid gets sick he can over ride mum. Definitely leave him off xx

Usually because the man in those situations is more than happy for the child not to be connected to him. Men who want their babies will be very interested in them having their surname.

No, that is not the way it works at all. Sorry to break it to you but it does not work that way. I think you do realise that, though. Imagine deliberately posting false "information" knowing that there could be a scared, and vulnerable, mother-to-be reading that. Terrible behaviour.

No, yet again, that is not the case. As I did say, they are in happy relationships. Very much involved with the children etc etc. Exactly the same as a married family. To try and claim that they simply do not want their child/ren as much as someone with the same surname is glaringly odd. I am sure there will be many children in your life with all kinds of different set-ups. Is it just the children with a different surname from their father who are judged by you?

Exactly... it is basic common sense. Some people are truly blinded and seem to believe that certain things would never happen to them. You just never know what might end up happening in life.

It isnt false information. It's a form of parental alienation to intentionally prevent a parent being named on the BC. If you want to risk that being g used against you, go ahead and do it. A lot of men won't pursue it through the courts. But if he does, you are fucked. How will you defend it other than "I didnt want to because I don't like him any more"?

They take attempts at alienation very seriously.

Happy while they're with the woman. Men who feel connected to their children won't accept this. Men who see the children as something they deal with as part of the relationship, will. And when that relationship ends, their loyalties shift to the next woman and set of children (bio or not).

As I have already said, it does not work that way. At all.

If you say so... you are making some rather broad assumptions here, of course. What about all of the many fathers who simply choose to basically ignore their children if there is a split? Some as soon as they are in another relationship and others prior to this? They can basically cut their children out of their lives. It does indeed work both ways here... Or does it not work that way in your world?

I forgot to include that I am referring to father's who are on the birth certificate! I didn't want to risk editing my post as it could very well then be viewed as changing the context...

Maybe we should leave all parents off the birth certificate and wait a year or two for them to prove that they're worthy enough to be trusted to make decisions for and parent the child until they're allowed to be added?!

Even in cases where a very troubled, chaotic, drug and/or alcohol-abusing woman with a long history with social services is pregnant - and it's made very clear from early in the pregnancy that her baby will be taken from her and brought up by somebody else instead - there is still no attempt to officially deny or obscure the fact that she was the baby's biological mother.

This thread is full of women hating nonsense and full information as well as scare mongering.

I think it might have been hijacked by Fathers for Justice.

If it’s women posting some of these replies it’s very sad.

Ugh. I find mumsnet as a great hub of advice for intelligent, educated and hard working women, and then** scabby posts like yours really lets it down. Children aren't weapons and a Birth Certificate is a legal document not a game.

What ‘rights’ does he get from BC that he can’t have as an unmarried father with PR?

And it is quite straightforward to add him at the time of registration, to record the identity of the mother and father. In neither case does it guarantee they will be good parents.

Which organisations recommend not recording the unmarried birth father on the birth certificate?

im 12 years in and our eldest is 8 I’m sure if he was going to show his true colours he wouldn’t have waited over a decade. If you have been abused that’s completely different and you know full well it is. Your partner having an affair doesn’t affect his parenting skills and therefore shouldn’t be used for a reason to not go on the BC? That’s childish.

What....does it have ....to do with you! Keep your neb out of others business.

Don't include him on the initial registration.
Don't give the child his surname.
When you have co-parented effectively for while, do the very cheap and straightforward route of re-registering your child's birth to add the natural father's details. Cost = £12.50 for a new certificate. The child's name can't be changed on the certificate but you can always go down the deed poll route if it is important to you as a family.

It's a shame we can't just cherry pick wether a mother deserves to be on a birth certificate until she proves herself worthy. Poor kids having parents playing God with their lives and point scoring.

This was in relation to the post I made prior to this particular post where abuse etc had been mentioned. Sadly it is all too common for women to have their lives controlled for the next 18 years. Decisions not made in the best interests of the child and what could be good Decisions for the child being blocked. Just count yourself lucky that you and your loved ones have never experienced this. If you have a little look then I'm sure you would find the answer to the question you have asked...

It was in response to your rather lovely words of how a female should "choose better". You are well aware what I was responding to. If you cannot remember, then I suggest going back and re-reading. The lovely words is something you should keep in mind.

So, none then?

Also, what decisions can a non resident parent block without a court order?

Also also, you know nothing about my life, so please don’t presume.

I posted earlier. It’s around 5% of birth certificates that don’t include the father’s name. 5%.

Out of that 5% a lot will be where the father either didn’t want to be on it or is unknown, there will also be rape and domestic abuse victims included in that 5%.

There isn’t an epidemic of women leaving dads off the birth certificate.

If the dad has said he doesn’t want to be involved, the mum doesn’t really have a lot of choice in the matter.

Oh dear goodness.....

Are you not able to name the organisations that you have stated advise mothers to leave father’s name off Birth Certificates?