Don’t put him on the birth certificate

[helpmeplease12345671]

I’m part of a single parent what’s app group and saw a soon to be mum was stating she was going to meet her ex as he wants to co parent. He was absent for a number of months but wants to play a part.

we know that guy is most likely not going to be involved in the life of that child long term etc.

Aibu for agreeing the birth certificate should keep him off it?

Denying your child to the most important information they should have is not an example of great parenting. Maybe you should do some research about how not knowing who your parents are impacts children and later on in life adults immensely. Keeping secrets from children is cruel and unnecessary.

Whats the point in asking for the thoughts and opinions of others, if you then aren't going to take any of them on board?

I used to work in family court. He will easily get the court to do this. She might as well do it now and save the solicitor fees.

yes = give parental rights to someone who walked out on you in pregnancy
because “then child knows their parents” and if gives you 18 years of abuse

No he can’t. I work in a solicitors office working with women’s aid and women needing to get control of their children’s lives

Please leave adoption out of your argument.

When a child is adopted they get

• a short form birth certificate that confirms their birth with no parents listed
• a longer form that lists the adoptive parents but the certificate itself mentions Adoption

Plus you can no longer easily get hold of their original birth certificate.

The child still has a right to know who their father is, it’s not the child’s fault the mum picked a crap man

No they don’t because many children don’t see their original birth certificate and don’t know they are adopted.

so you are one of the ones who think birth certificate is required to show who parents are, ignoring parental responsibility and the fact being around shows who their parents are. Would be petty for a man to need this when he’s already shown he’s a dead beat

Wrong

and Wrong.

Modern practice is that children who are adopted should be brought up knowing this fact and with age appropriate life story work. Parents wouldn't get through the adoption process if they said they were going to hide the fact from their children.
Yes there may be some that then go on to hide it but I would assert it would be a low proportion and thus not the 'many' you assert.
Furthermore as soon as they need their long form 'birth certificate' for anything as an adult (for example DBS) the adoption would be visible on the certificate so it is hard to keep it secret forever.

I don't have a fixed opinion on the second situation as I can see there are clear arguments as to why a mother would choose not to add the father to a birth certificate.

My request was that you leave adopted children out of your argument as I don't think you know what you are talking about.

If the father is actively malevolent - a rapist, an abuser, a psychopath who will take pleasure in destroying the lives of both mum and child, then keeping his name off the birth certificate is very sensible.

If he's just a hopeless waste of oxygen who will never contribute much to the work of parenthood then I would disagree. Every child has a right to know their origins and should only be shielded from knowing their father with a very high bar of certainty that this would be detrimental. A small amount of contact with a flakey and unreliable father is generally better than nothing, so long as mum is providing all the support needed to ensure the child doesn't internalise dad's unreliability into their own sense of inadequacy. The fantasies that a child will invent to fill a void can be more harmful than that void being occupied by someone pretty useless.

Obviously if dad's name is on the birth cert that does create powers and responsibilities that should definitely be avoided in some cases but those are exceptions requiring specific knowledge of the msn in question, it shouldn't be a blanket one-size-for-all piece of advice.

It is a moral right.

when a donor conceived child turns 18 they have the right to know who the donor was. At least in the U.K. they do.
Modern adoption has also progressed and all the friends I know who have adopted have done so with their child either have some contact with a birth parent, or at least information about birth parents.

A child deserves to know who their parents are if a mother genuinely doesn't kniw its different, but unless there's a very real danger to the child I think it should be mandatory for both parts to be filled in.

You are confusing know and giving parental rights.

I guess you are of the opinion someone who abandons child should be on the birth certificate and have final say in medical, legal., schooling and being able to holiday abroad.

All because he wjacukayed inside her. Same applies for donor children.

Birth certificate doesn’t make this any different.

I wasn’t able to put my child’s father on the birth certificate, doesn’t mean they don’t know who they are

Of course he can. That's a fact.

He can request a DNA test through court and be added to the birth certificate. That is the fact.

He is the parent and can formalise his paternity legally.

Having been the mum whose ex denied permission to take the kids on holiday it's very easy to overcome this in advance with a residency order, or whatever they're called now.

The child has a right to the factual knowledge of who their father is even if he's a cunt of the highest order

How do you know he wont be around? It is nothing to do with you!! He is the father of the baby and regardless of why he was absent for a few months he should be on the birth certificate. The mum was happy to get pregnant, keep his baby, and has now agreed to meet him so mind your own business.!! My nephew has just gone through a split from hell with his ex partner due to her cheating and the saving grace he was on the birth certificate and therefore has automatic parental responsibility. Not all dads are bad and not all mothers are saints!!

How do you compel the man to attend the registration then. I’m fascinated.

I would put him.on BC but child would have my surname.

With respect, why are you asking for opinions of people and then posting the above when they differ to yours? You just sound incredibly biased towards your own opinion and have just come here to validate it, rather than get a measured view of what the best course of action is.

There seems to be a growing trend for toxic feminism on here. Very extreme views about men, some of it justified definitely, but seems to extend to all men. I guess now the manosphere is established we are now getting 🤖 at the other end of the divisive extreme. I'm all for getting rid of abusers and dickheads from your life, but some of the threads on here just need a measured plan of action, not people projecting their own bad experiences onto it.

You can't if you don't tell him it's happening. You can only tell him and see if he turns up. I'm not sure why that is particularly fascinating? Interested to know though.

With respect, I’m asking people to respond to the counter argument