AIBU to feel strange about public marriage proposals?

[LemonChickenandChips]

I’ve just seen a post online about a very public marriage proposal at the end of a theatre production in front of an audience). I’ve seen similar ones in the past - a couple in very public places, restaurants but in front of the customers, and one at a football match (accompanied by a chorus of “say no” from the crowd).

Whenever I see one of these I can’t help thinking they’re ever so slightly attention-seeking, not very intimate or personal, and mildly coercive (in the sense it’s hard to say no in front of a load of strangers).

AIBU? I’m happy to be told I’m just projecting my own idea of a ‘good’ proposal onto other people’s and everyone is different. However, I wondered if anyone felt the same.

I witnessed a bloke rushing up to his girlfriend 2 minutes after she'd finished a marathon and getting down on one knee. Yes, take someone else's achievement and make it all about you...

I absolutely feel the same but it’s their proposal so 🤷‍♀️ I’m sure there are women out there who want a big, public declaration and a giant ring; probably just as many who would die if that happened to them. I’m one of the latter.

“Slightly attention-seeking”? No - hugely attention-seeking!

There was a thread recently where someone was complaining their intended had not arranged a photographer for the proposal. It must be a thing now because an acquaintance hired a photographic team to record the whole thing. It was also really fake because his gf was dressed up to the nines so must have been pre-warned.

Entirely attention seeking. But some people enjoy them.

I do wonder how those marriages go because it would take such a performative man to do that, I just can’t imagine that being an easy person to be married to…

Or an attention seeking woman who made him do it

Its definitely not for me I would hate everyone looking at me but some people like that and its their proposal id rather see that on a night out then a drunken fight

Cringe worthy.

If that was the case I would still be wondering about the quality of the man, who sounds like a wet wipe.

You are assuming the man has arranged it? Are you sure?
Can you imagine the fuss if the proposee (is that a word?) said 'No thanks'

No it’s so cringy . I’m going to sound so unromantic but I do think marriage does need to be discussed between a couple and you need to know you are on the same page going forward with things before you get engaged. These huge gestures are all great but these are the women who will be on here a few years down the line wondering how to cope financially while on unpaid leave or wondering if it’s normal for their husband to go out every weekend with their hobby group. I think these sort of men are all style no substance and never the type of men I’d like to be married to.
On a more lighthearted note DHs family once witnessed a proposal in a graveyard as the man wanted the future wife’s dad to be there to give them his blessing .

Some people really love the attention. It’s not harming anyone, let them be.

Yeah of course I’m assuming that, in what world would you assume a woman has orchestrated a public surprise proposal? That’s even weirder than a man fancying himself to this extent, I find it really weird people are using this thread to try and pull out ugly female characters when surely in this society a public proposal in most cases is very much going to be down to the man!

It creeps me out. It's very controlling. What is a woman to say in front, of say, a football stadium full of people looking? Hideous

They disquiet me too, mainly for the controlling aspect, as others say, it would be very difficult to say no, but the very public nature of them disturbs me generally.

There will be some women who make it very clear they want the grand gesture proposals and lord knows there are plenty of threads on here from women complaining about low key proposals not being special enough. I think there's probably weird attention seekers on both sides.

To me, a proposal is a very personal and private thing, but there's very little that seems to be personal and private these days.

I do find that sort cringey. Also big engagement photo shoots dressed in white.

This world.

I would have preferred public to what i got, in bed, no ring, nothing special. Ideally it would have been nice if he took me somewhere and did it properly, it didn't have you be massively public.
Some people like that, just cos it's not yor cup of tea, maybe you'd have been happy with my pathetic excuse for a proposal.

I was proposed to by my ex on the long haul flight. He prearranged it. He said he is going to a loo and suddenly, I heard him singing into a microphone. All of the stewardess came over to my seat, they were standing in the aisle and started singing too along with the whole plane. I wanted to jump of the plane!! I had to say yes as it would be very awkward to say no! Anyway we split up soon after that!

@MaturingCheeseballI don’t think that thread was genuine.

I've seen this - professional looking 'proposal' photos, or even video. Co-ordinated outfits, exquisitely manicured nails etc, staged hand-to-mouth shock pose, all over social media of course. Makes me cringe myself inside out but whatever 🤷🏻🤦🏻‍♂️🙄

I think they are awful and manipulative and I would be horrified if anyone did that to me.

I just don’t think proposals should even exist, it’s a serious future planning conversation that needs to be made together, honestly I’d have thought less of my husband if he sprang a ring on me. Imagine if women did it in reverse with “I’ve decided we’re going to have a baby, are you on board” (and in public!) what other big life decision do you just spring on someone without talking about it? It feels “oh IVE decided you’re good enough, you can marry me now, lucky you!”

I had to say yes as it would be very awkward to say no!

This is always my thought! I’d feel completely railroaded into it. (Though I’m sure I remember reading about a proposal at a big American sporting event in a stadium and the woman said no….) But even if you want to say yes, how cringe, I’d hate it.