AIBU to ask for one weekly lie-in with the baby?

[Anouser127128]

partner thinks I’m being unreasonable because I’ve asked for a long lie one day a week on his days off, he barely helps with baby during night I could count on one hand and exclusively pump reason was so he could help.
but since baby has been born he’s had all the long lies and said he might get more sleep than me but doesn’t mean it’s better
baby wakes every 1.5hrs after the first 4 hour stretch and I can’t go to bed then as have an older child also, I’m exhausted every single day he also gets 2 hrs uninterrupted sleep in mornings before he goes to gym also then work later on in day

Why in the name of hell do women have children with these infantile men

You have one child with him why the hell would you have a second when he's unsupported and selfish

Congratulations, you have 3 children.

My DH worked a very physical job and got up every morning at 5am, so I did the bulk of the heavy lifting with infant care, but every Saturday night, I absconded to the spare room and had a lovely uninterrupted sleep!

Your DH needs to pull his weight and you both get one weekend day to have a lie in.

He is not an amazing dad. He's a lazy arsehole

but since baby has been born he’s had all the long lies and said he might get more sleep than me but doesn’t mean it’s better

Well he won't mind giving up some of his sleep then

In what way is he an amazing dad?

Need to rephrase your wording, it is ‘parenting’ not ‘helping’. So if he isn’t doing any parenting at night is he being an amazing dad @Anouser127128

We have 2 kids, 3 and 1. We each get a lie in at the weekend. I bottle fed both and DH always did his fair share of night feeds, even when he went back to work (although unless I was absolutely exhausted or unwell, I’d insist on doing them with the first baby as I could nap in the day). His behaviour and attitude towards you isn’t that of a good dad, OP. You’re exhausted and he doesn’t care.

Op, kindly, you need to raise your bench mark of "an amazing dad" - if he was a mother would you say he was an amazing one? A mother who didn't get up for her baby in the night, a mother who did nothing around the house - you would say that woman was neglectful? It's nonsense, he isn't an amazing dad. Sorry. He might be better than some men you've seen, but I suspect that's a wildly low benchmark. He is treating you atrociously, lie ins should be equal. My dh is far from an amazing dad, he is kind and a good dad though - he treated my mat leave as my work, so each weekend when we were together he did 50% of all baby and house work, one lie in each, all other jobs totally shared. Then weekdays we split everything in the evenings and at night once he got home. That isn't amazing, it's the absolute minimum of being a partner. Raise your expectations and tell him he is being a dick.

These posts make me sad. All these shit men who refuse to parent their own children at all. Of course he should have the baby for you to sleep on his days off. What a selfish man he is. Pack a bag and book into a hotel for the day and night if you have to. The baby is his responsibility too.

Nope. An amazing Dad does his bit of all of the tough stuff without being asked, ESPECIALLY in the early days. This includes ensuring that he makes sure you get enough sleep so that the kids have a safe, healthy, present mother.

If he doesn't do chores, cook, or help you look after the baby, what does he actually do? He is selfish and treating you like he is another child rather than an adult, and you need to rise the bar. It's not a partnership if one person is doing all the work and carrying the load.

If a sandwich has 99% filing and 1% shit, it's still a shit sandwich.

I’m typing this at 5am while my husband bounces around the house with our grizzly 9 week old singing her the poopy monster song.
He does everything apart from feeding and pumping. He does all housework, gets my breast pumps cleaned and ready for current and next ‘round’, does the nappies (when he’s not at work), plus gets all my food prepped and ready for me to have during the day.

He works 8am-5pm office based 5x days per week as well. And leaves me to sleep in after the 6am-7am feed at the weekend.

Voted No YNBU - your husband needs to step up.

BTW, if he truly believes he is more tired and needs more sleep than an post partum mother with a newborn, he needs to see a doctor to get checked out.

It's highly likely the diagnosis will be 'selfish twat'.

@Anouser127128 he is NOT an “amazing” dad. What’s he do to qualify for that title in your mind?

smile at baby occasionally?

He's an amazing dad apart from the fact that he does fuck all parenting for literally half of any 24 hour period and leaves his baby with someone who has had at best a max 3.5 hour stretch of sleep every single night and has told him they're exhausted.

That's not on OP, I've literally never heard of anything so selfish as someone saying they won't help with one early wake up at the weekend because they work in the week. Being knackered is part of being a parent of a newborn whether you work or not.

He’s being unreasonable here and you need to talk to him calmly and explain how you are feeling.

It’s not a competition as to who’s most tired, you’ll both be knackered. I imagine he’s probably feeling like he’s struggling with his job as he’s knackered and it’s impacting his work and thinks you need less sleep as you’re at home.

Once breast feeding stopped. I use to do the 11pm feed, mum would be the feed during the night and then I’d feed at 6ish before work. It meant I got some okay kip and mum got more rest. I still struggled to function effectively at work, being a parent is exhausting.

He needs to knock the morning gym routine on the head especially if it’s every day.

Also popping on to add to the multiple pps saying he is not behaving like an amazing dad.
Even if you’re happy with the arrangement of dojng no housework, you say he thinks he needs more sleep because he works, (which is a joke as you are also doing the unpaid work of raising your children) but your OP specifically says he won’t help on his DAY OFF - a day when he doesn’t have to work! What’s his excuse for needing more sleep then?

a truly amazing dad realises that the emotional, mental and psychological well-being of the child’s mother is paramount to the child’s well being. Sleep deprivation is horrific and linked to post partum anxiety / depression. My DH is by no means perfect but he made sure he was up early and had baby if needed or ensures house was tidy/ sorted / my lunch sorted before he had to go to work. If it had been a particularly bad day with no naps etc, when he got back from work he would immediately hold the fort so I could shower or whatever and get an early nights sleep. It’s not rocket science - basic teamwork and showing your care and appreciation for someone at the most difficult stage of parenting.

Why? could he possibly not forgo the gym / rearrange timings for a few weeks whilst sleep is bad

Why did you have a baby with a selfish wanker? These types never change. Leave now before he grinds you down.

yes but YOU need it
and he is ignoring your need
this is so upsetting
to read
and he sleeping before the gym!!
you need to get tough with him stand up for yourself
don't just accept it

I asked, practically begged my ex husband to get up with our 2 children one of the weekend days. On odd occasions he said he would but then rarely did. Infact he hardly ever did anything with them. Note he is my ex husband!

i wish there was someone else you could report this to
he is behaving selfishly when you are exhausted
could you tell his family members or someone else as he is not listening to you
to speak to him about this.
for example someone I know told the mother and sister of their partner and he changed a bit and helped more.

Also if there is no consequence for him he will carry on

He's hsppy to watch his partner and mother of his children exhaust herself. He is not an amazing Dad.

and you have only asked for 1 day a week in your post i just re-read!
Surely he can give you that?!!
you probably need more but he won't give you even 1 day 😞
Is he sure he can not give one day?
I would not be nice to him
he should care more about you.
Don't do anything for him
and if he asks you say i am too tired no sleep

When I read these posts I'm feeling even more thankful for my dh who not only takes over or dives in once in from work with the 5 kids, four under five but let's me lie in Saturday and Sunday as he usually gets up at 4am for work so getting up at 7 is his lie in lol. But never had to ask for help just automatically fell into it

He sounds very far from ‘amazing’. He should be supporting you and making sure you enough get sleep. And that’s not ‘amazing’ either, it’s just normal in a loving relationship.

Exclusively pumping must be doubling your workload!

Was he like this with the first child?