AIBU to ask for one weekly lie-in with the baby?

[Anouser127128]

partner thinks I’m being unreasonable because I’ve asked for a long lie one day a week on his days off, he barely helps with baby during night I could count on one hand and exclusively pump reason was so he could help.
but since baby has been born he’s had all the long lies and said he might get more sleep than me but doesn’t mean it’s better
baby wakes every 1.5hrs after the first 4 hour stretch and I can’t go to bed then as have an older child also, I’m exhausted every single day he also gets 2 hrs uninterrupted sleep in mornings before he goes to gym also then work later on in day

I agree, and why do they have more than one child. If he didn’t help first time around, why have another!

I’ve heard this so many times and I’ve also seen so many women defending it, ‘he needs to work’, ‘he needs his sleep or he’s a total arsehole’, etc. I think it’s awful. I exclusively bf and had babies who wouldn’t take a bottle but my dh still helped me. He didn’t want me driving the dc about when I hadn’t slept - more important than being chirpy at work I’d say (do understand if a pilot or similar, that is a bit different, but pilots are used to weird sleeping patterns, so maybe not after all).

Let us know when you leave him, op

Far better to be a single mum with two 'baby dads' than with such a man, imo x

An amazing dad who is happy for the mother of his child to be exhausted all the time.

I've said it before on here and I'll say it again - a dad who watches the mother of his children run herself ragged, ignores household chores and does not let her have the rest she needs is absolutely, categorically NOT an amazing dad!

With my first two my other half let me have both Saturday and Sunday lie ins because I did most of night feeds! He got up sorted them!
we have number 3 now I’m the stay at home parent and me having both lie ins doesn’t work for us anymore because of kids clubs
but every Sunday afternoon I go to bed for 3 hrs after a trip to park for the kids! Even if it’s just to watch tv in peace he will bring me coffee if I ask and the kids are told to let mum rest!

I despair of all these useless men. Of course YANBU.

you pump? Don’t bf? So he can help, but he doesn’t? 🙄 That takes much longer. Could you go back to bf-ing?

He’s not an amazing dad though is he? He’s treating the mother of his child like shit.

He’s not an amazing dad if he treats you like this. He’s not an amazing dad if he doesn’t do housework. What message is he sending your dc?

OP - you must know you’re not being unreasonable. When our kids were smaller and I was stay at home my husband did the Friday night/saturday morning and often the Saturday night/sunday morning. And he worked in the city and did extremely long hours so not an easy job either! I like you did some pumping for the night feeds.

He is absolutely not an “amazing dad”. His a shit partner and by default a shit dad.

You shouldn’t have to ask for “help”. He is as much of a parent as you are! Why do women keep putting up with this shit?! It’s easier to be a single mum!

Not being a nasty twat towards your older child does not make him an “amazing dad,” it makes him the bare minimum.

Not contributing to the household work or the care of his own baby makes him much lower than bare minimum.

Amazing dads don’t treat exhausted mothers badly.

Amazing dad’s recognise that looking after a baby and doing night feeds can be fucking exhausting, and give them a bit of a lie in when they get the chance.

amazing dads sacrifice a morning in the gym so the mother of their child can get an extra hour’s kip before they go off to work.

I was the only one who could get up (BF) so DH let me have all the lie ins when he hasn’t working, until they started sleeping through and then we took it in turns. That’s how it should be.

No, he’s not an amazing Dad. He might, just might, have a point about needing more sleep ON DAYS WHEN HE IS GOING TO WORK (I’m going to assume he’s a brain surgeon or a long-distance truck driver or an air traffic controller or something to justify this being the permanent default though) but it is absolutely not true on his days off.

Christ DH has done 50% of mornings and 50% of bedtimes since I stopped exclusively breastfeeding, despite me initially being on mat leave and now working a day a week less than him.

He’s an arsehole

he’s a shit dad and a shit partner

hes not an amazing dad you just have low expectations of one , a good dad wouldn’t leave you exhausted and have lie ins when you are struggling he’s not even doing the bare minimum

wtf! Tell him you are on full time duty keeping your baby alive, day and night WHILE recovering from a huge medical trauma that is childbirth. How the fuck does he expect you to recover properly physically and mentally if he’s taking up all the rest time because he works like ever other person with a job??

Leave him or leave us out of it! These types of posts infuriate me. There is no way someone who loves and respects you could treat you this way

FYI I’m on maternity leave and my husband works. He still does half the night shifts, cooks all our meals and about half of the rest of the housework. Working is not an excuse. He would need to work regardless of if he had children or not! Having less sleep is part of being a parent

In what ways is the man who wont let you have a lie in and get yo with his baby and wont do housework in the house his child lives in an amazing dad? He doesn't even sound like a fully function adult let alone a parent.

Only unreasonable thing is that you have to ask! Mine just sneaks out and sorts out the toddler while I’m sleeping!

Im flabbergasted that anyone has voted YABU. Surely they did it by accident?!

I agree with others, he can't really be a good dad if he's not supporting the mum properly. It's pure selfishness but unfortunately many men are like this, they think doing the bare minimum somehow makes them the worlds best partner.

I understand why youre leaping to defend him, you love him, but his actions are indefensible. Of course you deserve a lie in, you deserve far far more than that.

Also - if he isnt helping then stop all the pumping! That in itself is a massive undertaking, it was so draining (physically and metaphorically!) for me. Just breastfeed if he's going to be a useless twat, much easier for you

Please sweetheart, raise your standards! You deserve better than this.

He doesn't help through the night, despite you pumping. He doesn't do any housework. He gets to escape to work and to the gym for 'me-time', and he 'needs' more sleep than you. Yet somehow, he's an amazing Dad. He really, really isn't.

If he was a truly amazing Dad, he'd be looking after you. Instead, he's showing your children that you are worthless. He's not showing you any respect and your children will start to copy him. At the moment, you have 1 person treating you like shite; in a few years, you'll have 3 - is that what you want? If not, you have to get a grip on it now.