My sister, my bed, her ONS

[Laptopfangirl]

I rent a flat in central London. I was away this weekend with work, and my sister asked if she could stay as she wanted to go out with some London friends. Fine. Not the first time.

I got back late last night and basically went straight to bed. This morning I woke up to discover a used condom in my bathroom bin. She brought a man back! She is single, so I can only assume it was a ONS. I have no issue with her having one night stands at all, but for God's sake clean up the mess! The bedsheets haven't been changed, the bin wasn't emptied. There were tissues in there as well which I presumed were just for makeup and regular cleaning but now God knows what else crosses my mind.

And to make it even worse I think (but can't be sure) that the condom was actually mine! Which would have meant them going through my bedside drawer (which also contains cash and God help me my vibrator!!).

I know my sister will consider it harmless but she brought a strange man back to my flat, shagged him, didn't clear up the mess and had me sleep in the same sheets!

Clearly AINBU to be slightly pissed off at this. But what level of anger is reasonable? A text jokingly calling her cheeky, or volcanic fury, or something in between?

Since the OP has announced she's 'clearly' not unreasonable, I think you should put that question to her?

You’re the one being derisory about OP ‘running’ to Mumsnet.

OP knows what AIBU is for, she has used it for its intended purpose, much to your consternation.

She's a naughty one. I draw the line at nicking my sisters' nice tops when I go round!

@Laptopfangirl volcanic fury for sure. I’d feel absolutely violated having slept on their dried sex fluid.

idk - it's not the worst thing someone can do! just tell her to change the sheets every time...

I dont think it's a big deal really

Just tell her to change the sheets and empty the bin next time and laugh about it xx

No need to go crazy, just ask....

"Did you really leave the sheets unchanged after you had sex in my bed?"

Would you really not change the sheets anyway as she was sleeping in your bed? That's odd too.

Condom should have captured most mess in fairness!

I don’t think the ONS is really a big deal, I wouldn’t be too concerned if it was my sister, although I’d be uncomfortable about having a stranger sleeping in my bed without my permission. Are you sure that’s what happened? No possibility your sister could have just borrowed your vibrator and used it with a condom perhaps?

You're the second person to suggest this, and I think I'd find it worse than her having sex with a man!

I normally would change the sheets, but I got home very late last night and just wanted to get clean and get ready for bed.

If it was a ONS I'd be wanting to know if she made it plain it wasn't her own flat, don't want him knocking your door in the early hours expecting round two.

Sorry but to me an adult is entitled to bring an ONS back to any room they've been given access to overnight. Unless explicitly told no guests. Unless it's a family home with kids there etc.

You knew she was having friends over. Friends can be a very loose term. If you didn't want the potential for an ONS you should be said no guests allowed.

She could allege an ONS she'd met that evening was a long term partner or claim someone she knows well is a near stranger. If something went wrong. It is a risk you take saying she can host pals at your place.

Somewhere close to volcanic fury here.

Once I'd calmed down two new rules

1. No random men. Boyfriends only.
2. Always change the sheets and clean up (including emptying bins) before she leaves.

Surely that’s preferable to some strange man sleeping in your bed though? And if you were uncomfortable with the idea of your sister using your vibrator you could just throw it away and buy another, and get her to pay for it! 😀

I would send her a text and tell her to clean up next time!

Don't bring up the tissues (likely just someone blowing their nose, honestly) or your vibrator. Focus on the sheets and the bin.

I would be annoyed it was in my bed , let alone the sheets as that is just manky !
She'd not be staying again . ONS or not .

I have never in my life heard of vibrator sharing. If I accidentally stumbled across someone else's I wouldn't dream of even looking at it let alone using it. Wow.

🤮 ew so you’ve slept on dirty sheets covered in strange man sweat and jizz and pubes 🤮
i would be raging

nuclear fury

Nah - give her a ‘mock’ bollocking and forget all about it - she’ll be more careful next time/know better

The thing is 'boyfriends only' isn't a reasonable request to an adult. And it's too open to interpretation. The notion you would just say 'yeah, he's my boyfriend'. It like how does the homeowner gauge the 'legitimacy' of that. And why would a boyfriend be any less likely to be a menace than an ONS?
I've been abused much worse by boyfriends than I have by any ONS.

And my sister's! Yes. I am edging towards the furious end I must say.

I wouldn’t be thrilled about an unknown boyfriend and the lack of sheet change, but that could be a conversation. A stranger in my house and the inherent risk taking of one night stands isn’t something I want to be involved with in any way. He could steal from me or plant cameras. I also just don’t want to be the host while my sister risks herself that way.

I would have a conversation. If she really did this, I would change the locks as she may have made a copy.

Absolutely gross. I'd find it so disrespectful for her to bring a stranger (possibly) in to my home. Then to have both of their naked bodies and bodily juices on my bed, MY SACRED BED! Ugh. I'd be mad too, OP. And then to go through your drawers (possibly)... I know what I keep in my bedside drawers so like hell would I want to look in anyone else's, especially family members!

Well of course it’s not an easy thing to think about, but unfortunately I think you’re going to have to have some sort of dialogue with your sister to clarify what has gone on whilst you weren’t there, and perhaps suggest some boundaries you would like her to adhere to. I’d try and keep it lighthearted if possible though, you don’t want to end up with some longstanding feud.