My sister, my bed, her ONS

[Laptopfangirl]

I rent a flat in central London. I was away this weekend with work, and my sister asked if she could stay as she wanted to go out with some London friends. Fine. Not the first time.

I got back late last night and basically went straight to bed. This morning I woke up to discover a used condom in my bathroom bin. She brought a man back! She is single, so I can only assume it was a ONS. I have no issue with her having one night stands at all, but for God's sake clean up the mess! The bedsheets haven't been changed, the bin wasn't emptied. There were tissues in there as well which I presumed were just for makeup and regular cleaning but now God knows what else crosses my mind.

And to make it even worse I think (but can't be sure) that the condom was actually mine! Which would have meant them going through my bedside drawer (which also contains cash and God help me my vibrator!!).

I know my sister will consider it harmless but she brought a strange man back to my flat, shagged him, didn't clear up the mess and had me sleep in the same sheets!

Clearly AINBU to be slightly pissed off at this. But what level of anger is reasonable? A text jokingly calling her cheeky, or volcanic fury, or something in between?

Do you know for sure it was a one night stand? Either way, the issue is she didn’t clean up and change the sheets. So say something to her about this. Does she change the sheets when she normally stays?

Don’t let her stay again, what a piss take!

She doesn't normally change the sheets. But I presume she normally avoids having sex on them!

That is a total cheek. Next time she would be staying in the Travelodge.

I would be furious at some random bloke being brought back to my house, let alone what they did there. It's just grim all round. Totally disrespectful of you and your home.

The mess would irritate me. The fact she brought back a stranger, who could potentially be a thief, would infuriate me. A friend of mine took a man home, she woke up in the middle of the night and he’d left with her keys. She had to change her locks.

I’d be counting every note of that money next to your vibrator if I were you…

Exactly. He could've been anyone. In a way I hope she has a secret boyfriend so at least it wasn't a stranger. But even if it turns out to be a man she knows and trusts, ask first and clean up afterwards!

I can't believe you've run to Mumsnet about this before speaking to your actual sister.

Whatever level of anger you feel is what you feel, you don't need to ask what's reasonable.

Just speak to her and tell her what a lazy disrespectful woman she is.

i’d be raging. i hate strangers in my house. shed never be staying there again unchaperoned by me.

Bringing strangers into your home without asking is unacceptable. The mess and rummaging in your stuff on top of that makes it worse. I’d be telling her that’s the last time you’ll trust her to respect your home and she won’t be using it as a shag pad again.

YANBU. Never let her stay again. Does she have a key?

She wouldn't be staying again if I wasn't there.

Agree, this is quite amazing. I wouldn’t necessarily bring this up now but next time I would stipulate no guests.
It amazes me that women put themselves at risk like this.

Isn’t that the point? To get advice when you’re wound up on what the best steps are?

I wouldn't make a joke. I'd be clear that I was angry that she was disrespectful enough to not clean up her mess and change or wash the sheets. I wouldn't allow her to stay there alone another time unless I felt certain she wouldn't do this again. That's just disgusting.

Edited to add: And actually, yes, the idea of letting a stranger into your home without your permission is the bigger problem. If she wants to risk her safety with ONS with randos, that's her choice, but not in your home. I think it would be the end of letting her stay at your place, regardless of anything she might say or promise. Just such a stupid, disrespectful thing to do. I couldn't get over it.

Fairly sure the AIBU board has just been made redundant by your post. Mumsnet site traffic down 85%.

Not really no?

The OP has known her sister all her life.

I'm sure she's quite capable of telling her how disgusting her behaviour is.

She does have a key. She stays from time to time as I am quite often away. I have never encountered this issue before.

I know she is your sis, OP but I would refuse to ever let her stay at my place again, the dirty, cheeky, bitch. Confiscate her key and change your codes.

I’d be getting the locks changed asap.

She is clearly getting proprietorial about your place and thinks she has the same rights as you.

I’m ashamed to say that I have once been that sister who left a trail… my older sister gave me a total bollocking on the phone. It really was a wake up call that I needed to be less of a shit and respectful of people’s space. it took me 7 or 8 years to be invited to stay overnight in my sisters apartment again.

I would just ring her and frankly lay down the law.

She's still my sister. I'm upset but no need to call her that x

Wow. Cheeky and skanky in one move.

Go on then, enlighten us, what do you think AIBU is for?

Nah if this was me and my sister we would be scrapping. Shag on shagger but clean up after yourself!!

There was definitely cum in the condom? She may have used one on your vibrator