It’s my body, and it’s my choice to not have another baby?

[DancingonmyOwn88]

I’ve been having a horrible time of it periods wise for years. After trying other things and waiting for a very long time, I finally saw a gynaecologist and she’s agreed to do a procedure under general anaesthetic and of all looks good they’ll go ahead and give me an ablation.

which means no more periods, and no more babies. I’m fine with that. We have a five year old DS, who is honestly a total little gem, maybe I’d have objectively liked more but I’m now 40, we are in a two bed flat that has decreased in value, I’m only just starting to think about the fact that I can work a bit more and have some more of my own income, and DH was fairly crap in the early years in terms of shared parenting, we had huge rows about it.

Anyway the date for the op has come up quicker than I thought it would, for a month from now. I’ve told DH and he says ‘well it’s time to have a proper discussion about it then, whether you want to go ahead or not’ I said I do. He is saying it’s not ‘just’ my decision to completely close off the possibility of having another baby and how would I feel if he ‘suddenly’ had a vasectomy without telling me? I said it’s not the same thing because my main motivation is I’m sick of writhing around in pain for three days out of a month and bleeding through my clothes. And ultimately, my body, my choice.

He says that not what marriage is about and it needs to be a mutual decision.

I don’t know what I’m asking really but I’m feeling pretty incredulous to be honest that he’s taken this line. I feel like I’m sort of betraying him in a way of I go along with the op as planned but that’s pretty ridiculous isn’t it?!

THIS.

It is totally your choice and you don’t have to consult him. But for the benefit of your marriage I would have a conversation about the pros and cons of more children and try to get him onboard with not wanting more himself.

I had my ablation 15 years ago.
I was warned the risk of getting pregnant was 'highly unlikely' but not impossible, so not to have the operation if I wanted more children in the future as it was more or less a given I wouldn't get pregnant.
Since the ablation I have never had another period, and I never became pregnant.
I would recommend it.

I had an ablation for horrendously heavy, painful periods and suffered sepsis the next day. On the way back to the hospital, I didn’t know my children’s names. For the following six months, there was no change to my heavy periods but I started having additional mid-cycle bleeds too. After that, they settled to a “normal” period for other women for a few years - lasting three days and managed with a panty liner or changing my mooncup at morning and night (previously, this had been hourly with back-up pads). Four years on, periods are back to lasting five days with cramps and painkillers required. Wish I’d looked for a more permanent solution.

I did state "if there is middle ground" such as adoption, or fostering?

There are so many red flags here. Your husband sounds selfish and uncaring and a bad role model for your son.

I think a couple of posters might be talking about d & c s rather than an ablation. That is sort of a scraping out but it is not the same as an ablation and is fairly temporary. I have never heard of ablations being done multiple times. I have had an ablation and it changed my life. So did two of my colleagues and they had very good results as well and it was a one and done thing. I was told that it wouldn't necessarily stop me getting pregnant but it would be extremely dangerous if I did. My husband chose to have a vasectomy.

Your body your choice.

This is fundamental. It’s a medical decision for you alone.

What a prick.

Id be telling him you don’t want more kids as you’re thinking about divorcing him for coercive behaviour.