AIBU to think my 9 to 5 comment was misread?

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Have I been rude? I really didn’t mean to be if it looks like I was.
I was talking to a family member of mine a while ago about storage for my shed. I wanted to get some shelving so that I could store supplies for emergencies, you know as we’ve been advised, tinned food etc.
So this Family member proceeded to tell me about our Facebook page in our local town where people give away free things, like shelves or bookcases etc so I might be able to get one on there for free. Brilliant, I thought so I joined.
This morning I had a message from the Family member asking did I manage to get the bookcase that was on a few days ago that it would’ve been perfect? And that there is currently another shelf during the week, but she thinks it could be gone. I said no, and these were my exact words “I didn’t see the bookcase at all, oh well, I saw the shelf there too but by the time I got to it it had been taken. The joys of working Mon-Fri 9-5! 😅”
She responded about an hour ago, saying “ I don’t know what you were implying by saying that you work 9 to 5 is it supposed to be a dig at me? I may not go to work but I work hard here at home. I won’t be helping you anymore.”

To be honest, I haven’t responded. I’m sitting here on my lunch break and I don’t really know what to say because that wasn’t my intention and I didn’t even ask for help… what would you say? Have I been rude? Do I apologise?

You weren’t rude, you were explaining why you hadn’t seen the post. She has a chip
on her shoulder.

Sounds like she is just insecure about the fact that she doesn’t work (not sure if SAHP or WFH?) and read your message as an insult to her. I would just reply saying that your message wasn’t intended in the manner that she took it and that you meant you just didn’t have the time to get the item.

Honestly, not sure why mentioning the 9-5 bit was even needed in the context of your response but they are being a bit precious.

It could definitely be read as a dig.

Because apart from anything, working 9-5 isn't going to stop anyone quickly checking their phone.

It sounds as though they thought you were implying they are on FB 24/7.

But if that's not how you meant it, then just reply and explain that.

Nah she’s a weirdo. Just thumbs up her reply

I think it says more about her than you OP.

How touchy!

Id say something like i'm sorry you took the comment the wrong way. I bent nothing by it. You've been so helpful - i'm still hoping to see something in the free group you helped me join. Or similar.

If she gracefully goes back to normal then all ok. If she continues to be snotty then - tough on her really. I wouldn't respond again and certainly no grovelling apology!

What is this family member otherwise like?

You weren’t rude, but I was taught to apologise even when I unintentionally strike a nerve. I agree she has some sort of insecurity or inferiority complex. As for working not preventing checking phones, there are loads of jobs where you can only check your phone once or twice the entire day.

Wait so she does not work at all?

Yeah Op - you were throwing a barbed comment at a family member who seems like she was genuinely trying to help you out.

It was tactless. Tell her that of course it wasn't intended as a dig especially as you're grateful she has as trying to help. That it wasn't only said because you were a bit annoyed you are missing out on things working 9 to 5, but that you know it would be hard for her too to find the time.

Exactly

that is what you and I would do immediately

the Op won’t

It definitely sounds like a dig. Just apologise and explain you honestly didn't mean it how it sounded.

Oh, fuck her, honestly. It wasn’t tactless and you’d have to work very hard to find it personally insulting, IMO.
I don’t have the energy or headspace to try to mollify people who make up slights like this, OP, I don’t know about you.

I'm afraid it does sound like "You're seeing all these listings come and go because you're not at work like me". Which is true but only you know if this person is sensitive about not being in paid work. I'd apologise if so (caveating that it was not a dig).

As an aside, you could have been checking on your lunch break so I don't think I'd mention it in this context again!

That can definitely be taken as a dig when sent to someone who doesn’t work. I can see why she’s read it that way, I have a few friends who don’t work, I’d not write that to them.

id apologise and say you didn’t mean it that way,just you were sad to keep missing out,

I assume this is someone you know fairly well, and have done for a while? So either you often say things that suggest you are a bit superior to her because you work, in which obviously YABU. Or you don’t and this is the first time, in which she needs to get a grip of herself.

(Although your 2pm MN post slightly undermines your general point that you’re too busy to see FB posts during the working day)

Fact is this person has really tried to help you

the Op knew exactly what she was doing with her comment

Working 9-5 doesn't stop anyone from taking 2 minutes to look at a Facebook page now does it? I think that your comment was a dig and now you plead innocent because the family member reacted. Just apologise!

I wouldn’t give it headspace and just ignore the silly bugger.

Are we meant to examine in fine detail everything we say now?

the Op knew exactly what she was doing with her comment
Did she?

Yeah, I reckon so

Must be tiring being always on the lookout for slights and insults.

The emoji you put would make me know it wasn’t a dig so she was a bit OTT

I suspect she might have too. In a pointed yoire seeing tnem as you don’t work kind of way

Not at all.

But yes…. This Op was making a barbed comment to someone who was genuinely trying to help her