AIBU to think my 9 to 5 comment was misread?

[Statsquestion1]

Have I been rude? I really didn’t mean to be if it looks like I was.
I was talking to a family member of mine a while ago about storage for my shed. I wanted to get some shelving so that I could store supplies for emergencies, you know as we’ve been advised, tinned food etc.
So this Family member proceeded to tell me about our Facebook page in our local town where people give away free things, like shelves or bookcases etc so I might be able to get one on there for free. Brilliant, I thought so I joined.
This morning I had a message from the Family member asking did I manage to get the bookcase that was on a few days ago that it would’ve been perfect? And that there is currently another shelf during the week, but she thinks it could be gone. I said no, and these were my exact words “I didn’t see the bookcase at all, oh well, I saw the shelf there too but by the time I got to it it had been taken. The joys of working Mon-Fri 9-5! 😅”
She responded about an hour ago, saying “ I don’t know what you were implying by saying that you work 9 to 5 is it supposed to be a dig at me? I may not go to work but I work hard here at home. I won’t be helping you anymore.”

To be honest, I haven’t responded. I’m sitting here on my lunch break and I don’t really know what to say because that wasn’t my intention and I didn’t even ask for help… what would you say? Have I been rude? Do I apologise?

I think you can respond that you didn't mean to upset them. You weren't having a dig, just that you don't check FB (or whatever) during work hours. Unless they're generally touchy and looking for a reason to be offended.

People like that are hard flipping work. Sensitive, quick to react (without facts) and childish. Sigh!!

I don't think it was rude. I've made remarks like that and I meant it like a jovial and slightly self-deprecating way of saying "poor old me, just a wage slave!

I did say something like that when a school mum kept telling me I "should" get a dog as my daughter is dog-mad. I kept saying oh I don't think we would have time for it but when she kept going I did say "I work FT and I'm just not home enough" and she got huffy and accused me of sneering at SAHMs. (I really wasn't! But she was very offended.)

You've invented your own narrative there. How do you know what was going through the Op's head?

I don’t “know”
but i reckon so - yes
as does this family member trying to help the Op out. The family member presumably knows the Op better than us

I know a few SAHMs and I think there is a sensitivity or defensiveness sometimes by them. However, I also feel like I am sensitive / defensive having my children in full time childcare.

I think women sometimes can’t win! Just apologise for mistakenly insulting her and say it wasn’t your intention.

We have a no phone policy at my work.

I don’t see it as rude. I think it’s perfectly clear that you mean that during your working day you don’t have the chance to check Facebook much, therefore you might miss items as they’ve gone before you see the posts. Very normal for most working people.

She sounds very sensitive and insecure.

She thinks she’s looked down on because she doesn’t work, so any mention of work on any level puts her on the defensive.

I wouldn’t even apologise.

Just say, you were talking about your work life hindering your ability to keep up with FB, not her non-working life, and she’s not obliged to help at all you know she’s busy and you think you can handle getting what you need for the shed yourself. Have a great day.

But you have a

Lunchtime
Before work
After work
And all evening

She sounds mental.

Since I have moved out of class based teaching, often my past colleagues will say 'I don't even get a second to check my phone'. Never has it occurred to me to accuse them of insinuating all I do is sit on my phone.

She is obviously sensitive about her own situation.

Well she is obviously feeling guilty as she is looking on FB when she should be working and your comment touched a nerve.

Or she looked in the morning, or the evening, or over lunchtime or over the weekend.

Well then why did she take the innocent comment the wrong way?

She must have felt guilty.

I agree, it’s no wonder so many people don’t seem to have any friends, if this forum is anything to go by. Surely most people say something that could be taken in a way not intended, from time to time?

Or fed up of a family member (the Op) making barbed comment after barbed comment and she just thought “enough. I was only trying to help”.

we have absolutely no idea why this woman doesn’t work

It could be read as a dig, yes. Apologise.

It could definitely come across as a bit of a dig… something like “work has been really busy so I’ve not managed to look” would sound less pointed probably. Specifying your working hours does seem like you’re making some kind of point!!

She's clearly sensitive on this point, but I don't think what you said was rude. She's read into it and found an insult where there was none. I'd avoid mentioning work to her again. If she's someone you care about and speak to often, I might simply reply that that wasn't what you meant at all, then pretend it never happened. If you're not close, I'd probably just ignore her.

Just do this.

I don't think I'd say that to someone I knew didn't work. It does sound kinda patronizing in some way. Though I totally believe you didn't mean it like that.

But mentioning busyness at work to the jobless could be considered a bit inappropriate. Same as moaning about being bored at home all day might not hit right with a full time worker.

I think her reaction was OTT even if she did suspect it to be a minor disparagement. I find it's almost always best to assume people aren't trying to be offensive when they never have been before!

No, you weren’t rude.

There’s a real and incredibly common issue on here with people’s inability to comprehend writing, miss readings and jumping to taking offence because they genuinely can’t understand the words as written.

It’s genuinely scary. If you look up ‘literacy crisis’ this is what I’m talking about and there is an abundance of evidence on almost every thread I read at the moment. I’ve mostly seen the term used to describe concerns related to genZ school kids, however, if threads on here and the general demographic are anything to go by, it’s a much, much broader and longer rooted issue.

I do think it's a bit tactless and it would rub me up the wrong way. It sort of implies that you are somehow busier than them and 'oh woe is me'.

If you'd said 'the joys of working a night shift' I'd sort of understand more, because you work unsociable hours. But the majority of the working world works Mon-Fri 9-5.

Seconded