AIBU to resent my husband never helping with baby at night?

[ForEagerOliveScroller]

For being a bit annoyed my husband has never gotten up with our baby overnight and now he is 6 months old? Its not to do with work either as he is off tomorrow (Scottish bank holiday)? He has also never bought him anything. Baby is bottle fed and has been since the beginning.

Starting to wear very thin during latest sleep regression.

He also sleeps in a different room - he started doing this when he was a couple of weeks old due to ‘work’ but never came back. Its very lonely and I have told him this multiple times how I feel, does not seem to care.

You do not need this man. He is just a drain on you and your child.

I think last night is what sealed the deal - my sister made me dinner and when we were sitting at the table I got baby from bouncer ready to start bedtime routine. He said infront of my sister and her partner ‘do you want me to put him to bed’.

He has never offered before. it was in that moment all illusion or any benefit of the doubt was entirely destroyed.

I would give him an ultimatum - step up or you’re leaving. And give it until the new year. If he’s not shown you he is stepping up by then, mean it and leave.

Did you say yes and leave him to it?

🤬🤬🤬 what a twat. You are nicer than me as l would have literally laughed sarcastically and say “you have never ever put him to bed before, why are you offering to put him to bed tonight?”

What happened last night then?

I put him to bed as he does not even know he has a bottle before bed for example, and he cries more when he with him
so I admittedly cannot listen to it so I take over.

Fair enough... Not what response did he get in front of your sister. Did you let her know it was completely out of character?

She already knew it was completely out of character and said to me she thinks its worse he said that infront of them - she said it would be less suspicious / less premeditated if he was consistently hopeless as she says it proves he knows what he should be doing

I think... If you haven't already.. You need to have a sit down talk and find out what on earth is going on in his head

What the heck is wrong with this man? Great you had a witness.

Yes but u should not be giving him the option. Tell him to step the fuck up. Stop letting him sleep. So what if he works? Shouldn’t have a baby if he’s not going to help. Make him.

I think you know what to do. He seems quite manipulative putting on a show for other people.
These types really can play the long game but they often show their colors after marriage or pregnancy when they think that you are trapped
A good thing about these type of man is they seldom want 50/50 they like to show up for the fun bits some photo op for a social media but most of the time they disappear
LTB

What do you mean ‘helping?’

Do you ‘parenting’

language matters

Oh goodness OP I know how incredibly rage inducing that is!

Yep exactly what mine used to do. It’s very manipulative behaviour which goes beyond just being a lazy fucker. I’m raging for you OP.

The fact that he puts on an act in front of others shows he completely lacks empathy and care for you and the baby. I don't think he's trustworthy as a partner. Personally, I'd be looking to separate. I left my ex when my youngest was 1, so it is doable, but yes it was hard. I've never regretted leaving him, he was so selfish.

Yes this is how I feel - its beyond being ‘a bit of a dick’ and in all honesty feels so calculated and sinister. He was single when I met him having had to long term partners by the age of 45 so I should have known, so many red flags

*no

Also is the lack of intimacy normal? I am too embarressed to share in real life with anyone. I did meet a friend at a park yesterday who accidentally fell pregnant when she was 6 months post partum; she thought that she was just tired with a 6 month old. I could have cried realising that she must have been having intercourse with her husband, and also the realisation that I will never have a second child or chance to do this again was fairly sobering, it seemed she had an exceptionally different post partum expierence than me

I feel so angry for you. If you were my daughter I would kick that fecker where it hurts and have you out of there pronto. Then I would support you finding a decent guy 😁. You poor love 💗 I would babysit in case you are wondering.

oy husband. the baby is crying GET UP NOW I mean NOW

my mum is upset that I dont have the ‘family’ that was sold to me - the whole thing gets weirder and weirder by the day in all honesty

My god this is so sad 😭 you poor thing OP, this isn’t acceptable or normal behaviour from him but I’m sure you know that. He sounds horrible.

Mine lost interest in me when I was pregnant, we never had sex again. I think now that he had fallen for a friend of his. it was mortifying having all the older ladies at work asking when I’d be having #2 while I knew that he’d let me see to him then literally pat me on the head or shoulder and say let’s go to sleep. It was so hurtful.

I think you will be happier alone, and don’t do all the work for him to see the baby- I doubt he will have much interest and that would be in your interest.