AIBU to resent my husband never helping with baby at night?

[ForEagerOliveScroller]

For being a bit annoyed my husband has never gotten up with our baby overnight and now he is 6 months old? Its not to do with work either as he is off tomorrow (Scottish bank holiday)? He has also never bought him anything. Baby is bottle fed and has been since the beginning.

Starting to wear very thin during latest sleep regression.

He also sleeps in a different room - he started doing this when he was a couple of weeks old due to ‘work’ but never came back. Its very lonely and I have told him this multiple times how I feel, does not seem to care.

Did he even want children! Surely he knew what would be expected of him as a father. Sorry you are going through this OP

The hot coffee spilt over your baby and he blamed the baby? Was the baby scarred?

He sounds utterly useless and hard work, more so than caring for a baby. What do you like about him?

🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

He doesn’t like or love you.

How long have you been with this horrid man?

A couple of years prior to marriage, but behaviour only started like this when I was pregnant

Does he ever get up with baby in the morning so you can lie in? This was always our compromise

Nope

sorry I pressed YABU by mistake. My now ex h was the same. Had to sleep for work, he slept in a separate room. One Saturday night he ‘gave’ me the night off but woke me up at 1am as he couldn’t settle them (twins). That was the beginning of the end for the marriage.

I think you know what you need to do here, OP. And it’s great you have your support network informed & ready.

Leave this Man who clearly doesn’t even like you, never mind love you or your child. It doesn’t sound like he’d bother his lazy arse to pursue any kind of shared custody so with a bit of luck you’ll be entirely free of him.

Yanbu. This is why I split with my ex. I did every single night with my dc's with no time off (he never saw them again). But at least I had the bed to myself.

Op I'm sorry your husband is such a useless prick. I'm not usually a LTB poster. But honestly, he sounds awful, he's not just uncaring he's incompetent and sounds like he's a danger to the baby.

When are you due back to work? Do you have childcare in place? Can you cover the basics, mortgage/rent and bills etc without him?

men are highly skilled at sleeping through a baby crying

ypu have to nudge and kick them and say ypur turn

a sharp elbow to the ribs usually does the trick

Sadly, it's surprisingly common for men to turn abusive once their partner is pregnant. So sorry, OP.

What reasons does he give for not helping?

Was your baby badly burned??

I know it’s sometimes easier said than done but honestly, why are you staying with him? You’re doing it all now anyway, so it’s not as if he’d be a huge loss.

Just say one night “right, my turn in the spare room today!” and go to sleep. He won’t be able to give any reasons as to why it isn’t your turn?

He has already spilled hot coffee over the baby, I wouldn't trust him not to mess up big time if OP went to sleep.

You and your child will be better off without him at all in your lives.

however, he might get some contact.

can you document that he is a danger to the baby, so that he is never allowed contact time?

That seems extreme. Do you think all parents whose children get scalded (there are many) should lose the right to see them? My neighbour fell down stairs whilst carrying his baby daughter and she ended up with a broken leg. Should he have been prevented from seeing her again?

The sad reality is that this child's father has no interest in him, not that he's likely to cause him physical harm

read the ops 6.23 post. This wasn’t a one off.

My ex was like this. Did nothing. More than happy to change nappies etc when he had an audience though. Behind closed doors he was useless.

Yes he puts on a performance when people are over - very triggering and makes it almost worse as its then apparent he knows excatly what he is doing

I can see how a lot of women fall into that trap re PND. Glad you know the reality is he’s a lazy selfish dick head. The performative parenting would seal his fate with me. So he knows what to do but just can’t be arsed?!

Tell him this: when my babies were tiny my OH got up to them in the night, brought them to me to breastfeed, burped them, changed their nappies then settled them to sleep.

That is a proper father and partner.