AIBU to resent my husband never helping with baby at night?

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For being a bit annoyed my husband has never gotten up with our baby overnight and now he is 6 months old? Its not to do with work either as he is off tomorrow (Scottish bank holiday)? He has also never bought him anything. Baby is bottle fed and has been since the beginning.

Starting to wear very thin during latest sleep regression.

He also sleeps in a different room - he started doing this when he was a couple of weeks old due to ‘work’ but never came back. Its very lonely and I have told him this multiple times how I feel, does not seem to care.

Of course you’re not unreasonable. He’s being a dickhead.

It’s not “helping” it’s parenting. Tell him if he doesn’t step up you are leaving and stick to it

That's awful. It sounds like he opted out of parenting the moment the baby was born. Is he good with the baby in other ways? Does he at least do other things to make your life great?

If not, then I think you know where this is going.

Yanbu. What is the use of a parter who doesn't share the load? I spent two years and two months trying to persuade my partner to do his share. Then I gave up, and ds & I left.

Life became far easier from that moment onwards.

AIBU to resent my husband never helping with parenting our baby at night?

There. Fixed it for you. He's a dick, sorry.

He doesn't care about you either? What's the point in being married then?

He’s a selfish dick

my ex never helped - or used weaponised incompetence to help and then he wonders why I changed!!!

I lost all respect for him as a person and a man

it won’t get better - get your ducks in a row

Nope hes utterly hopeless / incompetent, after a busy day golfing when he was 10 weeks old he lifted him made himself a coffee; baby wiggled and hit his head on mug and it spilled over his face and arms (he blamed baby for wriggling), has to be reminded to not leave him unattended on a changing table, has to be reminded now to strap him into high chair. He is constantly on his phone around him. Had to be prompted to comfort him multiple times. Not particularly ethusiastic about car seat safety or sterilising baby bottles either - ‘babies survived hundreds of years ago without all this’.

He sounds like an arse. Presumably both of you chose to have a baby?

I agree with pp that it won’t get better, sorry. I would start getting legal advice and making plans to secure your income and a contribution from him for baby. If you end up not needing them because he sees the light, great. My ex started enjoying babies when he met someone who “needed help” with hers 🤐

He's not just useless, he's an actual danger to your baby.
How disgusting.

Can you go to your mum’s, a sister, an auntie, for now?

My advice is, whatever you do next, do not have any more children with this incompetent arse of a man. The resentment you feel now will be as nothing to the resentment you'll feel trying to juggle a baby and toddler whilst he drinks coffee or goes off golfing. His selfishness and lack of concern suggest the relationship is dead, is it?

You only have the one child. I am sure you can do better than this arsehole.

I have got my sister to come round so thats something - family fullh aware of whats going on. Will not be having any kids with him obviously, he has not had sex with me anyway since we conceived DS - no handholding, kissing or anything at all. He made me sleep in seperate room during pregnancy as my vomiting early days and constant bathroom usage was keeping him up

You are not being unreasonable, my husband did this to me. 20 years on and after so much sleep deprivation it was my health that suffered longterm. Plus it destroyed the marriage. I think get out now while you can (I didn’t - my error)

Why would you stay with someone like this? Tell him to pack his bags.

I would say so. I actually made a post a couple of weeks ago wondering if I could have PND but its dawned on me that I just have a horrible partner and dont have PND at all

I think you’ll find it’s much easier without him so just figure out how to finish this and move on as a single parent. I’m sorry, it’s awful but he’s the one who will be missing out. This has been over a year now of him behaving like a petulant toddler so it’s never going to get better.

Honestly, your pathetic husband is a danger to your baby. His lack of care around hot drinks and car seats have put your baby at risk. He is lazy and uncaring. Would he even want to spend any time with his baby if you split up?

I wonder what it would be like to have the mindset that you get to have children and yet do absolutely none of the hard work? Imagine the luxury even of anything you do being classed as “help” and no necessity!

Dipping in and out as and when you felt like it. Doing things really badly safe in the knowledge the “real” parent could step in and sort it all out.

But I do agree with others that your husband is a danger to your baby, and that you need to make plans to leave him. You will probably find it easier without him.

That is an astonishing level of selfishness. It's ltb territory for me!

Not the behaviour of a man who loves his partner or child.

That was the last straw for me. I went to the GP, was prescribed ADs for PND, sat looking at them on the kitchen table & thought "I'm not depressed, I'm unhappy" Huge difference.

I started looking for a job in my home town that afternoon. DS & I left four months later. I took the ADs back to the GP unopened. Their receptionist gave me a hug and wished me good luck. 🙂

There are a startling number of people, more often women I believe, who stay with their partners because they have good reason to believe that their child(ren) is/are in danger if they have to give their partner unsupervised time with them. Tbh your partner sounds like one of those, at least until the child is old enough to look after themselves a bit more (school age?)

Just leave him