AIBU to stay awake until my 17-year-old gets home safely?

[YouBelongWithMe]

Our DD is 17 and out with her friends tonight. They went to dinner and then to see Endgame, which I don't think is finished yet.

I am knackered and want to go to bed. But also do not want to go to bed without knowing she's home safe.

Am sat up, exhausted, willing her to get in touch.

AIBU? Would you just let her come home when you're asleep?

How do other parents of teens manage this bit??

After getting back at 130 and waking us up just heard 17 year old leave for her weekend shift. Oh to be young and have the energy!

I don't wait up but tend to sleep rather badly and am often awake to see her come in on the doorbell cam.

I always stay up.
And my lovely young people come rolling into my bedroom at all hours to assure me they're home safe 🥰

I do, or i set alarm for a certain time and then check where they are x

I saw one suggestion, more for implementing a curfew, that you set a loud manual alarm clock for the time they're supposed to be back by, which they turn off when they get in. That would also work for alerting you if they're not back when expected.

I was out clubbing at 14 and my parents never stayed up. I never stayed up for my children either. You have to bring them up to be able to look after themselves. If they have a phone and cash for an Uber they will be ok.

Do you have “curfews” at nearly 18?!

We never had fixed times that our teens to be home it’s a case by case basis. When I was late teen my friends parents had these arbitrary curfews and would get apoplectic with rage if we were 5 minutes late. I remember at the time thinking how pathetic it was and swore never to be like that myself.

I’d be wide awake until she got in. My daughter is almost 16. She was late in last night and not contactable for a while. My heart started beating super fast and I became completely distracted from the film we were watching until she got home.

Thank goodness I’m not alone! Mine are way past this stage now, but my thinking was that they’ll be away at Uni soon and I won’t know then, so why worry now?

Mine is a couple of years older. I always thought I'd be a "stay up till they get in" mum but the reality is I need my sleep and I have to get up to get things done, whereas she doesn't. She got in a 7.20 this morning, staying up all night would be ridiculous. She texts me when she gets in so I know when I wake up that she's home.

I waited up until my daughter turned 18, she works in a bar now with a late license so often not home until the early hours, the rule is now that she texts when she gets in. I’m a light sleeper and never sleep through anyway . My phone is on do not disturb to everyone other than my daughters at night, she would call if she needed me and is very good at letting me know if her plans change. She’s visiting a friend in another city at the moment, they were out drinking but she still lets me know she is safe. She sent me a video debrief of her hilarious night out at 4am this morning. Gave me a good chuckle over my coffee this morning

Staying up or awake doesn’t affect their safety.

I try to go to sleep and have my phone ringer on (usually switch it off at night). Usually wake up when DC bashes around, couple of times haven’t & have woken up in the early hours & got up to check they were in.

absolutely not unreasonable!

I never did. I was in bed by 9! They had uber accounts and good public transport

I've never stayed up specifically for my dcs, but my natural bedtime is never earlier than 1am so I'd usually be awake doing housework or studying anyway.

I moved out when I was 18 and didn't really have late nights before that so my mum never stayed up for me, and I was very independent so never would have needed it.

I stayed up until my DS was 20ish, he's 23 now and I definitely fall asleep without thinking much about it (apart from making sure DH doesn't bolt the door!) and have even got to the point where I don't think to check he's home when I wake in the morning. But it's a nice thing to do, especially when your DC is so young, definitely not BU.

I hated this part of teen years. I would go to bed but couldn’t sleep til I heard them come in. And post exams, 17 and 18, it never felt fair to restrict them because if my irrational Mum-worry.

London so plenty of night buses etc.

It’s normal to want to stay awake, will she let you put a track on her phone ? Its not same as her being home but might give you some piece of mind when in bed then you can doze

I just went to bed, but I'm a bit of a heartless cow that way. 😜Like @Greenspaceskeepmecalm I need my sleep. Oldest DC is very sensible, doesn't drink much and I know can deal with setbacks like public transport problems.

I might get a bit more concerned when it's DS' turn has he has ADHD and I think would find it harder to deal with anything not going to plan.

I went to my parents to stay in between selling and buying a new property, I worked late shifts in newspaper production and got home around 3 am four nights a week.

My dad later told me that my mum was awake until she heard me come in.

I was 42 at the time.😄

Parents never stop worrying no matter how old you are.

Tracking & ‘text to say you’re home safe’ doesn’t positively affect safety either.

No but it helps a parent sleep more soundly

I have no choice in the matter, I cannot sleep until they are in. I also need my sleep but my brain says...no chance.

We should manage our worries ourselves, not do things to feel better in the moment that affect our DC.

I used to go to bed and doze but didn't sleep soundly until I heard that key in the door! Mine have all left home now and now I've got the menopause waking at 2/3/4 in the morning for no reason! It never bloody ends does it!