AIBU to stay awake until my 17-year-old gets home safely?

[YouBelongWithMe]

Our DD is 17 and out with her friends tonight. They went to dinner and then to see Endgame, which I don't think is finished yet.

I am knackered and want to go to bed. But also do not want to go to bed without knowing she's home safe.

Am sat up, exhausted, willing her to get in touch.

AIBU? Would you just let her come home when you're asleep?

How do other parents of teens manage this bit??

The first time my son went out after turning 18 he didn’t get home until 4:30am. It was then that I realised there was little point waiting up for him so I don’t.

I leave his bedroom light on though, so if I wake in the night I can tell if he’s still not back.

My mom would go to sleep and when i got home, I would open the door a bit and tell her im home

I used to set an alarm for the time they were supposed to be home. That way I could get some sleep but still know that I was checking on them until they were home

I'd left home at 17 but before that, my father used to wait till I was home to go to sleep. Totally unnecessary if you trust them to come home. If you want to know they are safe, I like the suggestion above about having an alarm set that they turn off when they get home.

Just don't do like my Dad, fall asleep and not hear me come home early before 10pm, then come yelling out of bed in the morning because you obviously didn't come home. (No, you just didn't hear me come in early).

I use life 360 and give a time to be home by. I could never happily sleep if my child wasn't home safe and I'm not sitting up all hours waiting and worrying so this works for me.

My mother did this. I mean, I get it but I also think it's a bit silly. The likelihood of something bad happening is really very low. Try to get to sleep.

My mum used to insist I woke her, gently, when I came in and say goodnight, whatever time I got in. I understand why now.

I used to go to bed but doze. Always insisted that they text me if they were going to end up staying out for the night.

No one tells you this when you first have a baby. You think as they get older you’d worry less yet in many ways the opposite is true as I’m finding out. My DD is in bed now but last night had to be picked up as she’d drank too much. It’s her 18 soon and she’s telling me she’s excited to go clubbing in Manchester 🫣🙄😂 The sleepless nights will be back

I honestly wouldn’t do this. I didn’t with either of our sons but my sister on the other hand wrecked her sleep forever by staying awake till my nephew got home.
He is now in his 40s and has long since left home but she still struggles to get a proper night’s sleep.

Been where you are. I spent many sleepless nights waiting for a text or key in the door. They say that once you have a child your heart lives out side your body forever.

YABU to stay up.

But, as many have said, it is fairly normal to just doze until you know she is home.

What are her plans for getting home ?
Do you know the person / people she has gone with ?

I’m 33 and still have to text my mother when I get home from a night out to let her know I’m home safe🤣

Thankfully (for her) I don’t stay out until the early hours anymore.

My mum used to leave the landing light on. That way she could go to bed and when she woke up she knew we were in because we knew to turn it off. I did the same with my 3.

I don't really stay up any more but did for ages.

A couple of times one of mine got so drunk that after that I always wanted to be awake, so if he was noisily fumbling around on the doorstep finding his key I could let him in.

Now I tend to go to bed, but if I wake in the night I'll always check whether they're back or not. I couldn't just go back to sleep and not find out till the morning.

I’ll go to bed and read or doze until they’re home.

I just go to bed and fall asleep. Was asleep actually but woken up by nearly 18 year old who forgot her key after a party🙈🙄.

She’s a party girl I’d be exhausted if I waited up. Dd1 had a gap year and worked in a restaurant and the staff would socialise after work so she became practically nocturnal. That cured me of waking up it would have killed me physically. We live in safe small city with Ubers and ours quite sensible and capable.

How is she getting home?
I am still collecting mine at 20.
If my older children come in late, they text me "home" so i can check my phone and not have to check bedrooms.

Ds is older now (just 21) so I am a bit more relaxed but I still listen out sometimes. He's really reliable and doesn't drink but if I know it's going to be a late one after I go to bed (I go at 12), I leave the porch light on. It shines through to the hall and faintly upstairs. DS switches it off when he gets in, so if I doze and wake, I immediately know whether he's home or not.

This is me too.

I leave the bathroom light on, so they can see their way upstairs easily 🤔 but when it's off I know they are home and can then sleep.

Feel like a bad mum now! I have my phone by my bed so if they needed to get hold of me they could I guess.

They are competent girls with nice loyal friends so don’t see how me trashing my sleep is of benefit to anyone really. Remember sneaking in really late when I was in the 6th form my parents were always fast asleep.

I go to sleep and then usually wake up again naturally a couple of hours later and check he's in on life 360 (which is about the only thing I use it for these days!)
Actually mine is now 18 and rolled in at 5am this morning, and has been working shifts finishing at 10 for a few months so getting back after I go to bed, often via a drive to see a friend so I've got a lot better at being able to go to bed without worrying if he's in or not. It does get easier. I really wouldn't wait up though, that way madness lies.

You collect your 20 year old from nights out??

Haven’t collected mine late for years. I grew up in a village and didn’t want that for my teens so we chose a small city. Enough for a nightlife but not too big. They get a bus back if in a group or an uber from town is under £10. Or walk as last resort if in a group. A friend lives rurally and has devoted her life to driving her teens around. No thanks.

Usually she would get the bus home - we live in Edinburgh and there are buses on all through the night.

Last night I offered to pick her up and ended up ferrying two other pals home at 12.30am... she'd better bring me a nice coffee in bed this morning!