AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

And my son doesn't know where the 9k came

him, once again, for the hundredth time, feeding you a load of BS. I suspect with the intention of getting money from you.

Thought you’d seen ALL the paperwork though?!

What a waste of time this thread has been!!

@aliceyyyy2654 Children should not be used as a "pay per view." She is not his bio child but may still want to see him if she has know him pretty much all of her life.
Surely you don't agree with the mother saying "She can only see you if you give me money for her, even though she is not your financial responsibility". Surely not?
My sons' stepdad (my husband) is not responsible for them financially; that is up to me and their father. Always has been, always will be.

Given his state of mind and confusion with numbers I'd be encouraging him to stick with CMS and pay exactly what they are telling him to pay. No more or less, no negotiation with his ex. Everyone knows where they stand.

If he has extra every month he can earmark that for his kids but keep it under his control. So he can take them to buy clothes, he can have a takeaway with them.

No family breakdown is easy for anyone but I do feel for non-resident parents on a low wage who are paying maintenance and also trying to keep a decent standard of living for themselves and for when their kids come to stay. It's hard.

I'm glad things are looking better for your son. You must be very worried about him.

I think you've made your thoughts clear with the MANY replies you've left on this thread. It's now coming across as very unpleasant with a hint of bullying.

Then he should pay for the child.

@aliceyyyy2654 No, her bio parents are financially responsible for her. But she can still have a positive relationship with her step-Dad if SHE wants to, children aren't pay-per-view as @FunPartyIdeas says.

Direct pay is a thing they do the calculation send you a letter or its on your online account (or both probably im paperless so im online) then he pays directly if he doesn't she reports it and its added on at the end of the pay period if he continues to not pay then it moves to collect and pay which is where all the fees come in

I don't know why so many people are insistent that OPs DS is telling lies.

CMS make big massive mistakes often, and they take ages to sort out.

Even if you have perfect mental health and no learning difficulties they are so difficult to work with on both sides.

What child? The child that he's not financially responsible for?

Sometimes I feel like I've wandered into some weird alternate reality with this place 😂

Also, your comments about OPs son being lazy was completely out of order and bordering on bullying.

He wants to see the child that isn’t his. Therefore he should pay for the child. If he doesn’t want to pay then why should he get to see them? What don’t you understand?

Why should he pay for the child ? It’s not biologically his. What expense is that child incurring that is his responsibility ? I’m assuming that the childs’ biological father is paying child support so why would you think the ex is entitled to duplicate payments ? Why do you think maintenance = contact when they are legally separate issues ? One does not depend on or affect the other. And there’s the small matter of what the child wants. If she has a relationship with DS and wants to continue it, why should that involve money changing hands ?What don’t you understand ?

I left the thread for a time because a couple of posters, including this one, were engaging in what amounted to bullying and personal attacks. Ironically l was accused by them both of being overbearing and bullying. At one stage one of them actually accused me of posting as you (or should that be you posting as me?). Such is life 🤣

There are some posters on mumsnet that definitely could be nicer 👀

At one stage one of them actually accused me of posting as you (or should that be you posting as me?

That's hilarious 😂 Am I talking to myself or talking to you?? Are you me or am I you. Oh bloody hell, I've confused myself!!

Ah so as a PP said, a pay per view 😂 30 quid for an hour visit, that kind of thing?

@FannybygaslightinGovan
I have strong suspicions there are definitely posters who name change in order to back up their own argument and "have a pop" at other posters. So yes, it's them talking to themselves at it were.
They must have a lot of time on their hands 😆
I totally agree with you - denying access to a child unless you pay (which is not his responsibility) is unacceptable!

Does the same apply to grandparents? Aunts and uncles?

I reported a poster a while back because it looked very much as though this was what they were doing. The reply l got back from MN was that once you post on a thread for the first time you can’t change your username. MN locks your reply name to match what you first used on that specific thread.

This is the main reason that the legislation in this area keeps access completely separate from financial support. The resident parent can’t stop access because the NRP hasn’t paid for some reason. Likewise the NRP can’t refuse to pay on the grounds that the resident parent has refused access.

It’s ultimately for the protection of the child, otherwise there would be no continuity and there would be the potential for both parents to weaponise the child to get what they want. The fact that this poster hasn’t stopped to consider the child caught up in the middle is quite concerning. ‘Pay per view’ sums it up.

This is true you can’t. But there in theory could be a way around it if you have a totally different account. But on the same account you are forced to reply with the same username yes.

I do solemnly swear that I am Fannybygaslight and not @ThreadGuardDog

At least for today anyway 😉