AIBU to worry CMS deductions could push my son into crisis?

[Wokeuptired]

My son split from his ex almost 2 years ago, they have 2 children together and 1 child that my son brought up as his own, their was lots of drama in the relationship and his ex was very demanding, my son paid her maintenence every month and paid for other things for her like the sky bill and some h/p goods, at the end of last year my son took a very serious attempt at taking his own life and he got sectioned, he obviously couldn't work but his ex was still demanding money from him, In March he got his old job back but he had to save for a deposit and furniture as well as pay for prescriptions food fuel to get to work, he was around £200 short each month and we helped him out with that, during this time his ex refused to let him see the children and he has not seen them since January, he had an upcoming court case to get to see them, as the eldest isn't his biologically he had to get a lawyer to help him as he wants her included.
Now the CMS are involved and they have taken £1700 out of his wages this is £700 for the month and £1000 in back pay as they calculated this from December last year, this leaves my son with around £500 after tax, he can't live on £500 as he can't even cover his rent with that, he has just got himself sorted financially but still owes money.
He doesn't know what he can do as he has phoned CMS and they said it has to be that amount and he explained the situation.
He has been to his boss to see what can be done and if he leaves this job he will break his contract with them and they won't employ him again, he can't go part time and then do work on the side to make the money up.
He just can't afford to work, it's ridiculous as he doesn't want to go on benefits as he also pointed out that it won't help his mental health.
What can he do?
I'm just so worried that he is going to try and end his life again as this seems like a no win situation.

This is for employers making deductions from wages. CMS themselves can clear someone’s bank account out without a court order for the entire amount of arrears as long as they leave £55 in the account. Obviously this didn’t happen in DS’s case as OP updated some time ago that he had made a mistake on his payslip, but nevertheless it remains the case that CMS an impose harsh penalties in the event of arrears.

So April 26 got his wages back and he went to pay but she said don't bother. August he got his letter. What did he do with his money from April to August? Is almost half a year. Even if she said don't bother he should have put the money aside as surely he knew he will need to pay for those months as well?

Well that lasted long

I see that you've spoken to someone at CMS, but I was also going to suggest that you and your son make an appointment with Citizen's Advice and go through his paperwork with them. They can help with CMS claims and general budgeting. It sounds as if your DS needs some support and as you're not based in the UK, it would be good for him to have a local resource too.

Try citizens advice

His ex is bringing in 3000 a month but will be spending a chunk of that money on the children. He is bringing in (I think based on what you said) 2,200 and expected to spend 700 on the three children. The reason he has less this month is because he is having to pay back pay.
However, if 500 a month is a ridiculously tiny impossible to live on sun for one adult, then surely 700 a month to support 3 children isn't ridiculous? If you assume the ex is also spending the same amount on the kids (she will be spending more almost certainly) then that's 1400 a month for 3 children or just under 500 per child.

So

• 500 a month for you son = far too tiny an amount, might tip him over the edge into suicide, crazy that it isn't recognised as such
• less than 500 a month to feed, clothe, house a child = absurd profligacy

For what it's worth I can sympathise that this month will be really tough with just 500 left. However it's a one of and only because he is behind on payments. After that the payments will be much more manageable and he will have more left over for himself. I don't normally advise borrowing but this is one case where a 0% card could help. Or you could lend him/give him the help just for this month. Or he can negotiate with some of the other people he owes money (mortgage, rent, bills) to delay paying slightly. Paying for his children isn't more optional than the rest

@Persephonia1966
Again, he won't be paying for CM for three children when he only has two? Why on earth would he be paying for a child that isn't his?!!

I wholeheartedly agree with this.
I’ve seen many a similar situation!

Fine, I made a mistake ( I haven’t rechecked you are correct, can’t be bothered as thread has moved on), but as has been pointed out to you notwithstanding your name you are not the boss of all threads on mumsnet.

He still wants to see the child though and have legal rights to visitation as I understand? Which is completely reasonable if he raised the child as his and feels as if they are his. It's commendable in many ways. But then, I don't think you can pick and choose that they are "yours" for visits but not for paying for them... Besides which another way of doing the maths is he pays 500 for just his two kids and she contributes the same (really more) plus paying separately for the other child. It still comes to 500 per child. I can sympathise with his situation. But I can't see how being left with a small amount of money each month is a disaster for him but effectively the same being available to spend on his own children is a crazy amount for CMS to demand....

From April your son should have put money aside for his kids. He didn't. Now he owes in arrears. Not hard to figure out.

CMS are not fit for purpose. I’ve seen both ends of it. They create fake arrears and change monthly payments at will. My DH has had three letters all dated the same date with three different payment figures on…! Go figure that one. When the PP calls CMS it takes over an hour to get through and the way men are spoken to is horrid; I’ve heard it for myself.

You honestly thing CMS “create fake arrears” @hereforthecraic ? I mean, you genuinely think this?

@Persephonia1966 It's his choice of course. But he is choosing to pay for a child that isn't his; there is no legal requirement to. Not his child, not his financial responsibility.

My son is far from lazy, he has been seriously ill and their is no time limit on his recovery.
I pray your child never gets so depressed that they take a serious attempt at taking their life, it's broken me being a parent.
We think we have it sorted and it's just this month with the large backpayment, as cms think it was down to his works payroll as it shouldn't be that amount at all.
So those of you saying it's wrong and doesn't add up are right, i have never had to deal with cms and whatever it was called before so i also admit I was panicked.
My son is taking 2 weeks sick but using it as holiday so it won't affect any other payments going forward.
He is going to speak to cms again tomorrow, but he is not panicking any more, and we had a lovely weekend, we are staying for a while as our other son will be back next weekend before he gets deployed so it's nice to have family time.

And my son doesn't know where the 9k came from as apparently that's what the first cms person told him and said that was the arrears he had built up, but it's not possible as it's only 5 months he owes, well just over 4 months now. And he is only paying for the 2 children not 3.

That’s a relief for you, hopefully that’s it sorted out.

@Wokeuptired He's absolutely made the right decison to only pay for the children that are biologically his.
But...be prepared for his ex-partner now to stop him from having contact with the non-bio child.
Not for one second saying this is fair but it is likely.

If he earns 1200 a month then there is no way he pays 700 a month in CM plus back pay its 16% of weekly income for two children so less than 200 a month, something isn't adding up here,

Why should he get the benefits of having the child without contributing? Surely he either pays for non bio child and sees him/her or he has nothing to do with them at all

@aliceyyyy2654 What if she wants to see him though? Her bio Dad should be paying CMS for her, not her step-Dad, but she may still want to remain in contact with her step-Dad. Should she be denied that?

But all the figures you gave came presumably directly from your son. So it was not about you misunderstanding anything. He spoke with CMS and then told you this incorrect figures @Wokeuptired