AIBU to think violently rattling an occupied toilet door at work is rude?

[Futurehappiness]

I was in the toilet cubicle at work. The door was locked, so from the outside it clearly shows that it is 'engaged'. Regardless, someone outside came along looking for a free cubicle, rattled the cubicle door really violently (to the extent I was worried it would break the lock) before moving on to another one.

AIBU to think this is really rude? It is not the first time this has happened, once I was just in the cubicle about to lock the door and a male colleague burst in nearly pushing the door. These are unisex closed cubicles which is all there are; It has to be said that when we had old fashioned dedicated female toilets this rarely happened....perhaps the men are resentful about the time women take & aren't used to queuing?

It’s really rude and I find this frightening. We’ve also got unisex toilets in my workplace and I have been v startled by similar. It’s also freaked me out when I have shouted ‘occupied’ or whatever and have had no response. I’m then conscious that they know there’s a woman inside and I do not know who is out there (man or woman) and if they’ve moved away or not before I unlock the door.

Assertive?!

Do you really not realise that many women really struggle with heavy periods, digestive or urinary that mean they can need to spend a while on the toilet?

Where on earth do you work where this keeps happening?

Surely these toilets are not legal in the workplace. The toilet door needs to open onto a corridor

Bullshit. It's not assertive, it's tipping over into intimidation and bullying.

These people are very rude OP, and entitled. I mean, how very dare anyone else be using the toilet cubicle when they (so superior) need it.

As for those who cannot possibly imagine what someone else might be doing in there, you've clearly never had bowel issues, very heavy periods or had to change a stoma/colostomy bag!! It's not up to you to imagine what someone else is doing in there, or to judge and discuss it.

Where I worked with unisex toilets, the women were in and out while the men took absolutely ages. One of them didn't lock the door properly and a colleague pushed it open and he was sat there scrolling on his phone. I don't know any woman that did that at work.

It's rude, and in a mixed sex toilet, intimidating. I hate mixed sex toilets. I don't want to come out of the toilet and see a man right there at the sink.

@Futurehappiness you should complain to your employer and point out that only having unisex toilets is indirect sex discrimination to women and that having a person who is harassing you and others when using the toilet is unacceptable

Is seeing a man washing his hands so terrible?

By law a unisex toilet must be in a secure room with floor to ceiling walls and door and the sink must be in the room with the toilet.
If the set up has sinks outside the cubicles and/or door/wall gaps then by law they must be single sex.
Anywhere that just changes the sign on the outside of single sex facilities without making any other changes is breaching the buildings and premises act, the workplace facilities health and safety act and the equality act and are setting themselves up for multiple successful lawsuits and potential criminal charges under the health and safety act

I don't want him to see me washing blood off mine after another perimenopausal flood.

Men's and women's toilets should be separate for privacy and dignity. I don't want men in that communal space.

Very rude.

Thank you all, I appreciate that you (mostly) agree that it is rude and inappropriate. It is not rare actually....happens frequently. I think assertiveness is about holding one's own in meetings etc and being polite if firm. It has nothing to do with rattling repeatedly at an occupied toilet door and upsetting the person inside.

I can't say exactly where I am working because it could be v outing, but think of a work sector less typically associated with aggressive and rude conduct that is very into supportiveness & empathy.

I hate the unisex toilets too. They are all closed cubicles with the sink inside, in a row. Very occasionally there is behaviour like this in ladies' toilets too...but this is worse, as you run the risk of a man bursting in on you mid changing tampon etc. I just don't like men being around women's personal spaces.

There is also the safety aspect as I have epilepsy. There is always the risk of a seizure when I am in the cubicle and nobody would know it was happening in that space. In the old women's toilets it would almost certainly be noticed.

This used to happen to me at work a lot when I had colon cancer. One particular woman took against how long I was in the bathroom each day and would come and knock aggressively on the door.

One day, I got off the toilet, pulled my trousers back up, opened the door, and asked her what her problem was.

I told her she looked very strange and was behaving antisocially. I told her I needed her to move away from the bathroom because her actions could be read as intimidating.

She didn't know I had cancer and neither did I, but I was very very ill.

Horrible bully of a woman.

I was in a supermarket toilet recently and someone came in, and instead of using the empty cubicle next to me, rattled my door which was clearly locked then stuck their hand round the gap to unlock it from the inside! Wtf?? I shouted. I still can’t understand it.

I wonder how many newer offices have been built like this. The office I work in has a huge amount of space on each floor given over to single person unisex toilets, but it doesn't have enough small meeting rooms. That's what happens when ideology trumps actual business requirements.

Perhaps they were absolutely desperate?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a random bloke seeing me wash period blood off my hands because my PCOS has flared up (yet again).

But so what if they were? That doesn’t give them
the right to be rude to someone already on the toilet.

Asserting yourself against locked private spaces is normally called worse than rude.

Could it be that men just aren't used to having to wait for a free loo?

In my experience, quite often in public loos it isn't easy to tell from the outside that the cubicle is occupied. The door slider thingies are not always very well designed or well maintained. So, sometimes the only way to tell is to try to open the door. Quite clearly you only do so briefly and back off if it doesn't open!

I find it really irritating , it’s happened to me often.
Many small cafes where I live only have the one toilet cubicle and inevitably someone will rattle the door while I’m mid pee !
The number of times someone has rattled the door .
I started to call out “ hey someone is in here “
always a bit concerned the lock will fail and i will be seen sat on the toilet 😳 as that’s happened to me before in a family toilet where I had my 2 younger girls with me 😱 bloke with his small boys barged right in !
He was mortified and extremely apologetic, we told the staff of the establishment to get it fixed

Some people don’t even look at the ‘engaged’ sign also sometimes it shows engaged when it isn’t