AIBU to still regret getting a 2:1 instead of a first?

[onedayillmoveon]

It’s been 10 years since I graduated from university and I still can’t shake off the regret that I got a 2:1 and not a first. I know that a 2:1 is perfectly fine for the vast majority of jobs and nothing to be ashamed of, my more and more people have gotten firsts for the past 20 years or so. When I graduated in 2016, about 33% of humanities graduates from my uni got firsts. I just felt so stupid, incapable, inadequate….. I know people say that grades and numbers can’t define us, but I sort of did let it.

I still can’t shake off this horrible regret that I didn’t get one. I got a high first in my second year and was so pleased, I genuinely loved my subject and had applied myself. In my final year (which largely determines degree class where I went), I became quite depressed and stressed. I could never focus and never really adequately prepared for my exams. I just can’t stop wishing that I had pulled myself together in some way.

Some of you, if you read this far, might think, “well if you have a decent job, nobody gives a damn what degree you got”, and yes, fair. Yet there are certain supposedly ‘elite’ jobs where a first is strongly preferred, and I think not getting one ruined my chances of those.

Anyway, if anyone else has ever felt the same way, or knows someone who does, and wants to share ideas or experiences, maybe that will be helpful.

That's pretty embarrassing for those people.

I got a first in 1997 from Leeds. Can't recall anyone else in my cohort getting one.

My parents thought it was good but no-one else gave a shite.

Has made zero difference to my life.

The more time goes by, the less it should matter. Ten years later it should barely matter at all. Regret the way your career has evolved since then and do something about it, because the recent 10 years should have overshadowed anything that happened prior to that by now. The degree itself is distant history.

I know exactly what you mean. I got a 2:1 as well, but enjoyed myself while I was there, and know that if I'd put more work in, I COULD have got a first, no question. I did a lazy dissertation and that's what brought my overall grade down.

But at the end of the day, there's nothing you can do about it now. It's not a regret that can be put right with any kind of action or conversation - unless you want to re-do your degree, which will obviously cost you tens of thousands of pounds and would be incredibly impractical at this point in life.

You need to focus on the things you CAN control in life, and not what's already gone and done with.

Friends? You live alone or with your parents?

Sorry, I was agreeing that it was juvenile

Just family, who are proud of me regardless and think I could’ve got a first if I’d been able to focus, but they don’t care and have always been proud of me.

Listen, I don’t want to be harsh, but this is a bit of a champagne problem isn’t it?

You're employed, you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, hopefully good health and a solid education behind you; there are probably a billion people in the world who would happily trade places with you.

You’re becoming hyper-focused on something that really doesn’t matter, why don’t you use that time to do something productive instead and maybe you’ll feel better about yourself.

Nice way to talk yourself into a 2.1 being preferable in some way but this obviously isn’t true. Someone with a first worked their arse off to get it and probably was quite a natural at the subject which helped. It has nothing to do with emotional intelligence. A 2.1 is still respectable, obviously far more than a Desmond and those with a third shouldn’t have attended at all. I’m a lecturer, most students get a 2.1. I got a first.

See, this really annoys me. ONE person in my year (1992- I am old) got a first. I was delighted to get a 2:1. DS1 just graduated from an RG this summer with a really high 1st (just tipped for top of his year) in Maths. But if 40% get a 1st his 1st is pretty devalued I think. It's madness.

Just to add: I'm having a day where everyone I talk to needs to forgive themselves for stuff that happened years ago and wasn't really anyone's fault. You are another one! I mean this kindly - life is full of disappointments but just keep hammering away at it and success happens. You are only punishing yourself pointlessly so try bloody hard to stop it.

You’re being unreasonable because there’s nothing you can do about it. You did a Masters and got a better grade so why does this matter to you? Much bigger issue going on.

If you have been working for 10 years, your experience matters a lot more than your degree. Move on.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this @onedayillmoveon It’s difficult not to, but pointless doing so. You still did exceptionally well compared to most.

I had been a merit certificate student in my first 2 years of uni, did well in my third. By the start of my fourth I wasn’t coping in life at all but just didn’t see it. I just thought I’d had enough of uni, stopped going, and ended up with an ordinary degree instead of a good honours. In reality I had poor mental health and had been battling an eating disorder for years. Back then there was not the openness about these issues. I should have told the uni and deferred my final year, but I didn’t tell them anything about it, such was my shame and immaturity.

I have had many ‘if only’ thoughts since, but what good do they do? I just count my blessings and focus on all the good things instead when my mind wanders down that path! Please put this behind you and focus on getting the most out of your life and career now.

How are you doing professionally now? You know that those people in high-flying jobs rely on only on their firsts but also on connections? You know that, right? I knew about 3 history of art students, all amazing people with firsts, the one who got a proper job with it (Old auction house with offices in Bond Street no names named) was the one who worked there as a porter there in holidays (daddy worked there). One of those three re-trained and got a law degree, could not get a training contract and is now a paralegal. The third one is a teacher, also re-trained. For the really really really cushy jobs you need personal connections, preferably your parents' connections.

I can guarantee @JuliettaCaeser won’t be able to provide a source for that stat so I wouldn’t get too annoyed

What I will add is if you get a masters, nobody cares about the 2.1 and if you get a PhD everything prior is irrelevant.

I got a 2:1. It was 40 years ago and three people out of my cohort of over 200 got firsts. At that time most employers wouldn’t touch anyone with a first as they were considered too academic to be of any use. How times have changed.

It sounds as though you might still struggle with your mood and unhelpful thinking styles now. Perhaps some support to look at your thinking patterns might be helpful for you.

I am guessing you must be early 30s if you graduated 10 years ago.

When you get older your undergrad degree grade just becomes so irrelevant. I have multiple post grad quals, including doctorate and post Doctorate. No one cares about my undergrad now. That was such a long time ago and is irrelevant to my job. For more recent qualifications I have taken, or am taking, I just want to pass. No one cares if I get a merit or distinction, they just need me to be able to do my job. I am more concerned with work life balance, and things just need to be good enough.

Good enough is good enough, and if I can do good enough without getting stressed, or missing out on 'life', then actually, that's the most desirable outcome for me

Oh 69.4. Gutted for you. I think your Masters achievement was motivated by the same beast that made me spend 8 years doing a PhD alongside my day job!!

Ah, well that does make me feel a little better. He worked so hard, & is also just a natural at the subject.

Got it! Hopefully that means it doesn't happen!

It's pretty high.

https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/request/degreeclassificationpercentage

Damn, bad quality screenshot! It is there anyway.

I got a First in the early 2000s and aside from getting my first graduate job, it’s made zero difference to my life.

Same with GSSE and A-level. I got straight A’s at A-level, and I don’t even put them on my CV. They are only useful for getting into uni, and then they’re irrelevant. It almost feels like a wasted effort considering how important you think they are at the time 😂.

I get you completely on this OP except that I've been on both sides of the fence.

I did get a First in my undergrad (Humanities) degree and I later got a Distinction in a Masters.

Both times I was incredibly anxious about it. I effectively decided that if I didn't get a First, I was a waste of space. I'd been raised to think like that and I was in a high-pressure uni environment (Oxbridge in my case) where doing well was treated as a mark of being special. I remember being told stuff like 'only an original brain can get a First' and really buying into it. Wow, I wanted to be original and special so badly.

More than a decade later, I returned to education again to do another qualification because I needed it for a change of career. This time around I got a Merit rather than a Distinction... and aside from a brief twinge of annoyance, I ultimately did not care much. The difference was that I'd moved on in life. I now knew that I had value that was independent of what some grading academic thought of me. I still had respect for academics but this was tempered by an awareness that they aren't the be all and end all; that most of the brightest and most interesting people I've met in and outside work don't have great qualifications on paper; that my personality and soft skills count for something; and that ultimately people's subjective assessments of how well I've jumped through arbitrary assignment hoops is not some existential verdict on my intelligence and talent.

I hope you can borrow a bit of this attitude from me. I can also assure you that having a First (even an Oxbridge one) does NOT make a person somehow magically special and different. Luck and how good you are at jumping through hoops are always going to play a role.

If missing out on a First has damaged your career, it is understandable to grieve that. I will admit to some scepticism about whether you are correct about this though. You said yourself that a third of Humanities graduates at your uni got Firsts so objectively you know it isn't that special. Likewise even pretty 'elite' employers are, at least to my knowledge, pretty cynical about the ability of a degree to greatly distinguish candidates and place much more value on skills-based assessments / whatever zany tasks they come up with for their grad scheme interview processes. Maybe you do work in an industry where you can't get into a secret inner club without a First but if so I'd be intrigued to get specifics, as I have never encountered this (and whilst my own career has always been public sector, I have friends without Firsts in pretty great law firms, barristers' chambers, accountancy firms, management consultancy firms etc.)

P.S. lest I sounded too smug, I will admit that I'm clearly not completely over worrying about being judged on paper because I still have occasional nightmares about being told my undergrad has been downgraded because I forgot to write some lengthy essential essay on 19th century economic policy or some rubbish. Hard to rewire yourself when an internal perfectionist bully has spent years in charge of the electrics.)