Granddaughter’s rage over graduation plans.

[ProfessoressaSazzasez]

A few weeks ago OH (80, frail) & I met up with his daughter-in-law & grandkids to give GK#1 a 21st birthday gift & congratulate her on her law degree. I know she was disappointed to “only” have got a 2:1 but it’s from a very famous university & bloody good.

They have had their struggles: their Dad (my stepson) went AWOL from parenthood ten years ago, they were illegally evicted & homeless.
We are very proud of them.

GK invited us to her graduation (on a Friday), we talked about planning the trip & what she wanted us to wear for the photos, & DiL getting a day of work, GK#2 taking the day off school to be there.
OH & I both understood we were being asked to book the accommodation for the 5 of us & travel together.

So I booked us a flat for 2 nights - Thursday & Friday - & forwarded the confirmation asking when we could go up on the Thursday so I could book train tickets.

No reply.

Left a voicemail in case they’d missed the email.

Emailed again.

Got a scolding reply from GK#1 telling me it’s HER big day and she’s shocked, SHOCKED I booked accommodation (after we both understood we were being asked to, & checking with her whether she’d need it too) & complaining her mum is finding it hard to get time off from work (which I do not think I can be blamed for).

So I have no idea what’s going on.

i replied that of course it’s her big day & up to her who she has there, that she might forgive me if I misunderstood what she wanted, & pointed out that it’s too late to cancel the booking, but she’s welcome to use the accommodation if she wants.

I said if she wanted her granddad there she should let us know.

It’s a trek for us to get there, & not cheap: OH is blind & i cant drive, so the earlier we can book train tickets the better.

Silence since then.

What to do?

Am I unreasonable to feel rather hurt by this?

So much bile. glad that poster isn't my Mum/Gran!

Has anyone ever, in her life, considered tanning her ungrateful hide? She sounds like a rude, self absorbed brat.

Her family are going out of their way to celebrate her achievement and all she can do is strop that they aren't doing it the way she wants. Without actually even saying what she wants. Because clearly no one else's feelings matter.

I can imagine my parents reaction if I'd treated my nan like this and by God, it would not be pretty. My arse would be grass.

I am another who is delighted you have updated, glad things are calmer and you had a great time.

And I am.glad GD has made an apology.

We all stuff up and she has probably learnt a lesson in this (and some shame).

The absolute entitlement of t he young ! I wouldn't try to contact them and just wait for a well deserved apology for her bratty behaviour. Other than this I'd just go and have a mini break with your OH or try to get your money back for the flat . Leave them to it .

I think Graduation is more special than a wedding. It's something that they choose to work for and achieve by themselves, albeit with the support of their friends and families (hopefully) Getting married is something you fall into, you fall in love, but Graduation is the celebration of sheer hard work and determination. That's how I see it anyway. Glad it worked out for OP!

Thank you for the update. I so enjoyed reading your words. I hope I will be as wise and kind as you some day. Lucky GKs to have you as their (step) Grandmother!

Well no, but I didn’t quote you or the post you quoted so I’m not clear why you assumed I was in any way referring to you?

Agree with you generally OP but I'm not sure you should have got your other GK involved. Does make me a bit suspicious as to whether there is more than you're letting on.

Your GD are so lucky to have you OP! You handled this brilliantly and I'm glad you ignored the 'cut her off forever' brigade.

She will appreciate the effort you made, maybe not now but in time.

Oh well, it's good your grandaughter realised she treated you disgustingly and that there is no excuse for it at all. Hope she apologised. Glad you had a nice time.

@ProfessoressaSazzasez , what a great update... lovely outcome.
You do indeed write beautifully.

Something a previous poster said, (i think it was @Caniweartheseones ) really stuck with me 'Thanks for being such a force for love'.
I totally agree and have learnt something from your handling of the situation.

Congratulations to your GD!!

I agree with the comments about your posts being beautifully written and easy to read.
I hope you use this experience and write more.
I’m pleased that there was a very favourable outcome, and have great admiration for your incredibly kind and stoic attitude.
Do start writing

Agree. We need more of you OP on MN to raise the tone bit.
Please keep posting.

If you think that this is “all that she can do” I suggest you read a little more.

As GD#2 was part of the trip, she was already involved.

i did not want the three of them to have differing information from each other.

Obviously something was 'lost in translation', you left thinking one thing and she left thinking something completely different. It is easy to get at cross purposes sometimes. I would have thought someone would have mentioned ticket allocation, at some universities they are hard to get and have to applied for months in advance and then only two per student. Perhaps she only realised the problem later or she really had made totally different plans and was genuinely taken aback that you had made all these arrangements. Can you meet face to face to figure out what went awry?

I am so pleased it all worked out in the end and a lovely time was had by all.

Graduation, particuarly when you've not got the grade you hoped for, when you have nothing fixed, when you see an awful lot of people with the next step planned out and everyone is asking what will happen next, is a huge tangle of emotions. I'm going to hope that the poor behaviour was the result of this (especially if she is competitive), and things are much better from now on.

So out of interest what was it that you’d actually done wrong and why the radio silence?

Gosh she sounds so entitled. I got two tickets to my graduation. My family cancelled the day before 🙄 and I was so thankful that my flatmate and my boyfriend, who was fairy new at the time, came instead at short notice. She's so lucky to have such supportive family and will regret it in later life when they aren't available or they have had enough of her tantrums and don't offer to go to events like this.

Brat, move on. Has issues, very sad and cruel. Protect yourself as it sounds much more complicated than she will unravel for you. Save yourself any more heartache

I'm sure op is ever so grateful for your little nugget of advice. On a thread that was posted over 2 weeks ago. About an event that has now happened

I think the consensus was that I hadn’t done anything wrong.

i certainly agree with it, & as GD apologised, it seems she does too.

@ProfessoressaSazzasez I hope that at some point your DGD comes across this thread.

Despite the fact she treated you appallingly, you have done nothing but fight her corner and say such kind things about her and your DiL.

They are all extremely lucky to have you and I’m very glad it worked out in the end. X

I only just received the email & made my comments straight away. The hurt will still be present after 2 weeks? 2 years even with emotional issues & situations

IMO OP hasn't done Ms Its-my-big-day any favours by glossing over this.
To be accepted as a trainee solicitor her GD must show "strong oral and written communication skills", personal integrity, ability to be able to communicate with people of all levels and win their respect. (From the Law Society website)
Well she's fallen at the first hurdle, from what I have read.
Getting in a "rage" about the arrangements, being "shocked" - (in capitals BTW) and causing her DGPa to be "heartbroken". Doesn't auger well for her embarking on a career with Joe Public.
She might be OK working in Corporate Law/Acquisitions and Mergers/a focus on research, document review, and back-office operations rather than client-facing meetings or court appearances.