Granddaughter’s rage over graduation plans.

[ProfessoressaSazzasez]

A few weeks ago OH (80, frail) & I met up with his daughter-in-law & grandkids to give GK#1 a 21st birthday gift & congratulate her on her law degree. I know she was disappointed to “only” have got a 2:1 but it’s from a very famous university & bloody good.

They have had their struggles: their Dad (my stepson) went AWOL from parenthood ten years ago, they were illegally evicted & homeless.
We are very proud of them.

GK invited us to her graduation (on a Friday), we talked about planning the trip & what she wanted us to wear for the photos, & DiL getting a day of work, GK#2 taking the day off school to be there.
OH & I both understood we were being asked to book the accommodation for the 5 of us & travel together.

So I booked us a flat for 2 nights - Thursday & Friday - & forwarded the confirmation asking when we could go up on the Thursday so I could book train tickets.

No reply.

Left a voicemail in case they’d missed the email.

Emailed again.

Got a scolding reply from GK#1 telling me it’s HER big day and she’s shocked, SHOCKED I booked accommodation (after we both understood we were being asked to, & checking with her whether she’d need it too) & complaining her mum is finding it hard to get time off from work (which I do not think I can be blamed for).

So I have no idea what’s going on.

i replied that of course it’s her big day & up to her who she has there, that she might forgive me if I misunderstood what she wanted, & pointed out that it’s too late to cancel the booking, but she’s welcome to use the accommodation if she wants.

I said if she wanted her granddad there she should let us know.

It’s a trek for us to get there, & not cheap: OH is blind & i cant drive, so the earlier we can book train tickets the better.

Silence since then.

What to do?

Am I unreasonable to feel rather hurt by this?

That’s a rather lovely update, OP. I’m glad it worked out.

That's not fair. I was just hoping the mum and granddaughter didn't brush her incredibly hurtful behaviour under the carpet on arrival at this lovely (and probably expensive) flat!

You sound so lovely and supportive, you don't deserve to be treated like this. She is a 21 year old woman behaving like a 13 year old - there are no excuses. If I were her mother, I'd be having a stern word and apologising to you profusely.

This ^ and distance yourself from this nasty spoilt, entitled, little individual.
I'd go further and put the tin lid on it.
No more contact, no more gifts, no more 'phone calls, no more anything. Don't give her any leeway for "not having a fully developed brain". Apparently she hasn't be brought up to have any manners.
She's supposed to be an adult, so let her face some adult consequences for her appalling attitude.

You sound lovely and I'm really glad it all worked out.

Lovely update.

You sound like a jolly good egg OP.

Pleased it went well OP, appreciate the update xx

You sound like a wonderful MIL and Grandmother. I’m glad it all worked out for you in the end.

Im glad I didn’t.

Lovely update @ProfessoressaSazzasez!!! So pleased you had a great time and all is back on track. You sound like a lovely family.

Well, all I can say is that this madam of yours has a lot of growing up to do.
If she wants to work in Law she needs a good work ethic, be level-headed and reasonable. If she 'throws a paddy' every time a colleague or client does something she doesn't like she'll get nowhere fast.
She needs to learn consequences for bad behaviour.
It seems that now she has LLB after her name she thinks she can speak to others just how she likes - it remains to be seen how far that attitude will get her.

Glad it worked out in the end! Marvellous especially for your OH and a relief for you, OP

This appears to be entirely your projection of the situation, and unrelated to anything I’ve posted about what actually happened.

Not sure if it’s frustration because I won’t go into details regarding her apology (which I don’t owe you) or that you’d rather none of us ever saw or spoke to each other again?

Anyway: sorry to disappoint.

Good grief the lack of reading skills on this thread is unbelievable. At least read the OP's updates and for those who can't be bothered the "situation" has been sorted, with no fallings out although I get the distinct impression that loads of you would have liked a real screaming match and everyone going NC for decades to come

@ProfessoressaSazzasez I am so pleased you all had a wonderful time and that everything is okay. You're a truly wonderful person

So happy for you. And in awe of your patience, wisdom and lack of ego. It takes a lot to navigate interpersonal waters when they get choppy like this.

Thanks for updating OP, and sounds like a lovely experience!

Now, please go and tell GD she's a madam, cancel everything, block all your relatives and disinherit them, won't you?

I’m so glad it all worked out for you. Sounds like you had a lovely day, and what a lovely moment for your DH to be there having missed his own.

Your granddaughters are lucky girls to have grandparents who put in so much effort. So many paternal grandparents drift away when the father does. I

I am so glad all went well and you had a lovely time!

I think she does have some growing up to do.

Which (at barely 21) is not all that surprising, really.

I don’t know how others feel about their family members, but OH & I would quite like to stick around to see it.

The OP is clearly happy with whatever resolution or accommodations the family reached. She absolutely does not owe MN more details.

None of us are perfect or can claim never to have behaved badly at one time or another, even those who have a law degree. 😆

For whatever reason this young woman had a bad moment/day/week, apologised and has been forgiven.

After a difficult childhood she’s done extremely well academically and was celebrated by her loving family.

These posts wanting a 21 yo thrown to the wolves are pretty disappointing.

Thanks so much for the update. I loved reading your writing. You remind me of Penelope Lively. Thanks for being such a force for love.

She’s 21 (only just!) She took her finals age 20.

Anyway: she was suitably apologetic & we’re OK.

Her actual grandmother (OH’s ex), now dead, used to buy presents for one of the sisters & not the other one. I can’t quite believe it, but apparently…

Anyway: now on to the next thing!

Oh wow! Thats a HUGE compliment! Thank you!

I mean, she was being a brat as often young people are (I know for sure I was) but like you say she has apologised and you’ve had a lovely time, so I think it is the best outcome all around.

Dont worry about the people on here who think she was terrible, just because someone displays some bad behaviour once or twice it doesn’t make them a terrible person. That she has apologised and you’ve been given context that you are comfortable with is enough, and anyone who says otherwise is just setting themselves up for hardship with their own kids and grandkids if they take that stance. God knows my mum would never speak to me again if some of the posters on this thread got their way, but a real and genuine apology goes a long way and so does showing grace like you did.

Glad it all worked out for you guys in the end 💐 and congratulations to your granddaughter

Exactly this. I am constantly surprised when MN gets very angry about teens and young adults who behave badly but it is a one off…they’re kids, it happens, a genuine apology goes a long way.