Granddaughter’s rage over graduation plans.

[ProfessoressaSazzasez]

A few weeks ago OH (80, frail) & I met up with his daughter-in-law & grandkids to give GK#1 a 21st birthday gift & congratulate her on her law degree. I know she was disappointed to “only” have got a 2:1 but it’s from a very famous university & bloody good.

They have had their struggles: their Dad (my stepson) went AWOL from parenthood ten years ago, they were illegally evicted & homeless.
We are very proud of them.

GK invited us to her graduation (on a Friday), we talked about planning the trip & what she wanted us to wear for the photos, & DiL getting a day of work, GK#2 taking the day off school to be there.
OH & I both understood we were being asked to book the accommodation for the 5 of us & travel together.

So I booked us a flat for 2 nights - Thursday & Friday - & forwarded the confirmation asking when we could go up on the Thursday so I could book train tickets.

No reply.

Left a voicemail in case they’d missed the email.

Emailed again.

Got a scolding reply from GK#1 telling me it’s HER big day and she’s shocked, SHOCKED I booked accommodation (after we both understood we were being asked to, & checking with her whether she’d need it too) & complaining her mum is finding it hard to get time off from work (which I do not think I can be blamed for).

So I have no idea what’s going on.

i replied that of course it’s her big day & up to her who she has there, that she might forgive me if I misunderstood what she wanted, & pointed out that it’s too late to cancel the booking, but she’s welcome to use the accommodation if she wants.

I said if she wanted her granddad there she should let us know.

It’s a trek for us to get there, & not cheap: OH is blind & i cant drive, so the earlier we can book train tickets the better.

Silence since then.

What to do?

Am I unreasonable to feel rather hurt by this?

Hope it all got sorted out..You sound lovely and I'm quite cross on your behalf!

Maybe this was all a storm in a teacup and they all trooped off to the Sheldonian without a hitch!? Radio silence tells its own story perhaps?

Well! Thank you to everyone asking for an update!

I’d have done it earlier but a day of so before we were due to travel, I managed to lock myself out of the account I use to log in here and where my email with all the bookings receipts is.

Just got it restored yesterday.

So that was exciting! A lot of scrambling to access bookings in the day before travel (lucky I’d taken screenshots!)

But we went.

It was rather lovely, the flat was massive & very comfortable, GD apologetic & sweet, DiL (who had an absolutely shitty time getting a single day off work, from a place she’s worked 10 years without a sick day, to see her daughter graduate!) was very conciliatory too.

GD got us all tickets for lunch at her college, & had swung an extra ticket for the ceremony, so OH got in & I watched the live stream from a cafe across the road.

Possibly because he’s visibly ancient, or maybe because he’d been chatting to a top bod who asked if he could cope with the Latin (which he certainly can, & used to teach) OH, SiL & GD2, had absolute plum seats, just behind the toppest bod, so they were on camera almost all the time. 59 years since he missed his own degree ceremony in the same place.

I was a bit exhausted as no sleep the couple of nights before & not much during the trip.

But Im glad we were there & that GD will have that memory.

It was worth it & almost worth the - mostly avoidable - stress.

Thank you all for supportive & helpful comments!

Glad you had a good time

Good news

Lovely update Op.

They were trying to make it up to your husband for having missed his ceremony.
So he and GD are fellow alumni. That's grand.
So pleased it all turned out better than expected

I don’t think they knew! But - fun fact - the reason he missed his ceremony back then was he’d just taken a job, as he had a newborn to support: the GD’s dad, who arrived during OH’s finals.

But did you get to the bottom of why she got so bratty about you making the booking?

She’s incredibly spoilt and ungrateful. Cancel the accommodation and let her and her DM sort it out.

“Big day” FFS it’s a graduation not a wedding. I wouldn’t have dreamt of talking to my DGPs like that.

Lovely update, OP. I’m so glad it all turned out in the end.

So pleased it worked out well!!

Erm, you are a bit late, how about checking the date of the OP?

🤣🤣🤣

Yes! I mean, I know it's none of our business 😳but I do really want to know what 'explanation' was given for the initial reaction to the 'flat booking' 🤔

In the absence of a Time Machine, i was unable to do this, as I think I put in the OP.

If I had, we’d have all missed a very enjoyable & somewhat bonding experience.

But thank you for your input.

Well, Im not going to show you the photos.

She did not explain, but she did apologise.

Her mum gave some context.

i don’t think I’m really authorised to share the details.

We have all agreed to work on better communicating.

My apologies to anyone this does not satisfy.

Thank you for the lovely update OP, I’m glad everyone enjoyed the day and everything was resolved. 💐

I personally think that graduations are really “big days”. You slog away working your socks off for 3 or 4 years and it’s important to mark the achievement.

I remember being surprised by how emotional and proud I felt at mine.

I look forward to my own children’s graduations and would count myself very privileged if I was in a position to celebrate with my grandchildren in the future.

I hope you will!

I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS

Sounds like a positive outcome for you, albeit not as detailed as Mumsnet virtual soap opera seekers may wish for.

Well: Im sorry avoidable angst was not avoided.

But it turned out well worth the effort.

Macte virtute, omnes!

My Latin teacher would be both proud and probably astounded by me digging that out of my memory... And now I have O divina Clementina (Oh my Darling Clementine as an earworm and I am worried that I have no done my homework).