AIBU to give our child the biggest bedroom and a double bed?

[SpicyMargFTW]

Walking home from school and got talking to someone I sort of know just from both living in the same place. We moved house recently (only a few streets over), which this person knew (it's a small community!) - relevant because of the direction the conversation took.

Anyway, we were talking about school and sleep (we have similarly aged children at the same school), and I mentioned that we'd been up in the night with our little one, but my husband fell asleep with them in their bed. They questioned how my husband and little one could comfortably sleep in a single bed together and I explained our little one has a double bed so it's fine. They then commented why have a double bed for a child and something about children needing room in their bedroom for toys / to play. I explained that the bed and mattress were hand-me-downs (they were like new) and our little one has the biggest room in the house so there's plenty of space for everything.

They were weirdly disapproving and sort of rhetorically questioned, again, why a child has the biggest room in the house and a double bed. It was very odd. I did try to (carefully) explain that we have plenty of space so it makes sense to us, and we didn't do this when we were in the small house.

I mean, first, why would anyone else care about the bedroom and sleeping arrangements of someone else, in their own home? I find that so strange.

To us, it makes sense to put our little one in the biggest room - they have the most stuff and it means we can keep everywhere else organised and tidy! And the double bed was not only a freebie, which there is plenty of room for, but it is also so, so useful for bedtime stories, being they're when they're upset / poorly, or we just want to encourage a lie-in etc! I love that they have a double bed in their room!

It's not like we've always been in this situation. We used to live in a small house with just two ok-sized bedrooms and a box room, and it was a squeeze - we did a good job of keeping toys tidied away but it was getting more and more difficult. Our new house is quite large (we have five big double bedrooms) so we can easily have the set-up we've got and I feel it works best for all of us. It's not as though we've spoiled our child with the biggest room and squeezed ourselves into a box but this person acted as if we'd committed some cardinal sin!

Anyway, given their reaction, I want to ask AIBU to give our young child the biggest bedroom and a double bed?

Whatever works for you.

I would avoid that person in future. They are weirdly intrusive and judgemental.

Ofc it is ok to give the child the largest bedroom. We all use space differently. I even converted a second reception room into a large bedroom for one of my DCs

My toddler and primary ages child both have double beds. One reason is due to disability but the other reason is that I realised when I had my eldest it's a nightmare to keep changing bed sizes and I wanted to just go straight to a double so they can just keep that bed and minimise having to build, take apart, get rid of and purchase a new bed. Saves money and time

I also let them have the biggest rooms to fit their beds in and have the small room for me and partner with just a wardrobe and dresser/office stuff in and then we sleep in a sofa bed down stairs.

the boys love having room for their stuff and to play and when they are not sleeping well we can just get into bed with them.

I find it makes life much easier.

Also to add, I grew up not having a nice room to myself I shared with my sister's and it was something I felt embarrassed about as most friends had their own nicely decorated personalised rooms and it's something I wanted to make sure my kids have. I am happy for them to have a nice bedroom and feel comfortable with having friends over (should the day come) and me and partner aren't put out. we are happy seeing them happy.

I think it’s up to you room size wise but it would not be the norm for me or anyone I know.

Do what works for you. You clearly have sufficient space, so don't need to squeeze anyone in.

if it works for you,it's no one's business. We used to live quite near a main airport,we had a standard 3 bedroom semi. We gave our young DD a double room, and double bed, because it was then used by relatives going to and from the airport..We usually arranged for her to be overnight at a friend's house. Toys went up into the bedroom at night. Older DS (previous marriage) moved out at various points, and back, and had the smallest room. At some points,DH and I actually relinquished our room as well, and both scrunched up on a 2 seater sofa each. I worked nights so thankfully that wasn't too often. When I look back,we did all this for DH selfish relatives!!

@ilbehonest you were embarrassed by sharing a room? I grew up in an objectively large home by London standards & could have had my own bedroom & at certain points I did but I also shared at certain points. It never ever entered my mind to be embarrassed.

Your house your choice. But why does a small child have more stuff than 2 adults combined?

@FirmSnakeyes, DH & I have a lot more stuff than the dc which is the norm for everyone I know.

yep I was very embarrassed there was 3 of us in a room and it wasn't like nice furniture just cheap stuff and my friends all had matching oak wood and their own decor etc own space. I felt like considering my partner's were not poor they could have made more effort lol. I didn't particularly have friends over much due to this and I think it can be isolating.

Only on MN is it considered unusual to share a bedroom, back in the real world not so much. A friend of mine had separate bedrooms for her three daughters - they all used to pile into one of them.

I mean, that's always been my take! Each to their own, in their own home!

my sister's were both messy and would break my things and I had OCD from quite early on and I hated it so much. We actually had another room but that was an office but I really wish my parents considered how I felt. all three of us never had friends over and found it stressful sharing a small space.

@SquirrelGG it’s bizarre, I know people in 1m houses with dc sharing a bedroom. I have two sisters too, we loved being together.

Ignore her. You are doing what works for your family. We have a "strange" arrangement in our family home too. All four DC have a bedroom upstairs now, DH and I have our bedroom in what used to be our living room, our dining room is now our new living room and our kitchen is big enough for a large kitchen table to accommodate 6 people. It works for us🤷‍♀️

Leave the woman to keep rhetorically asking questions. It's really none of her concern. It just shows some of us are creative and can work around problems well in family life.

Tell me about it. We ended up walking alongside each other by chance. I had no idea they were so... Weird!

lol my parents certainly weren't poor, all my furniture was Ikea or 2nd hand. Same for my dc now!

Giving your kid the master/largest bedroom when you have 5 good size doubles... Honestly my first thought was of Regina George in Mean Girls 🤣 It’s definitely not what I would do unless it was unavoidable like kids needing to share and that was the only room big enough. But your house your choice! And I see the advantage if it stops toys migrating downstairs and the living room looking like a crèche.

Doubles for kids are normal though aren’t they? Both my kids (9 and 5) have them because it’s easier for sleepovers, if we have lots of family staying they can bunk up together whilst relatives have the other room, all the bedding is interchangeable between their rooms and the spare and it’s future proof into the teen years. I think it’s increasingly the norm. Most of their friends seem to have doubles too.

It's different having to share a room and having the option to share a room. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fine to share a room, it teaches kids to share and cooperate and I think it also stops alot of night time anxiety. I grew up in a council house and shared with 3 sisters. 4 of us in a room. I literally had one drawer to call my own and the bottom bunk. There was 8 of us in a 3 bedroom house so I probably was as a teenager embarrassed by the situation (similar to what another poster said). Definitely character building. 😂

I think it's normal for parents to want to give their children things they didn't have.

And the bedroom sharing can be totally normal and work really well, or it can be hellish. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience 😔

I'm confused lol I never said they were? I'm talking about my own feelings and what I experienced and why I prefer my children to have the bigger better rooms?

In our previous house, it would have been a weird decision but in our current house it's not quite the same. We still have a big room, ourselves. In fact, I'm not even sure our bedroom is the second biggest - probably third! We don't need any more space in our bedroom, though, and we've got the rest of the house for our crap!

yeah I agree, it's something that must have affected me because I knew when I had my kids I wanted them to have their own nice rooms 😂

i think me and my sisters are just very different although now we get on well and are close I just find them very messy and i need everything to be clean and tidy.

That's where I'm at.