AIBU to give our child the biggest bedroom and a double bed?

[SpicyMargFTW]

Walking home from school and got talking to someone I sort of know just from both living in the same place. We moved house recently (only a few streets over), which this person knew (it's a small community!) - relevant because of the direction the conversation took.

Anyway, we were talking about school and sleep (we have similarly aged children at the same school), and I mentioned that we'd been up in the night with our little one, but my husband fell asleep with them in their bed. They questioned how my husband and little one could comfortably sleep in a single bed together and I explained our little one has a double bed so it's fine. They then commented why have a double bed for a child and something about children needing room in their bedroom for toys / to play. I explained that the bed and mattress were hand-me-downs (they were like new) and our little one has the biggest room in the house so there's plenty of space for everything.

They were weirdly disapproving and sort of rhetorically questioned, again, why a child has the biggest room in the house and a double bed. It was very odd. I did try to (carefully) explain that we have plenty of space so it makes sense to us, and we didn't do this when we were in the small house.

I mean, first, why would anyone else care about the bedroom and sleeping arrangements of someone else, in their own home? I find that so strange.

To us, it makes sense to put our little one in the biggest room - they have the most stuff and it means we can keep everywhere else organised and tidy! And the double bed was not only a freebie, which there is plenty of room for, but it is also so, so useful for bedtime stories, being they're when they're upset / poorly, or we just want to encourage a lie-in etc! I love that they have a double bed in their room!

It's not like we've always been in this situation. We used to live in a small house with just two ok-sized bedrooms and a box room, and it was a squeeze - we did a good job of keeping toys tidied away but it was getting more and more difficult. Our new house is quite large (we have five big double bedrooms) so we can easily have the set-up we've got and I feel it works best for all of us. It's not as though we've spoiled our child with the biggest room and squeezed ourselves into a box but this person acted as if we'd committed some cardinal sin!

Anyway, given their reaction, I want to ask AIBU to give our young child the biggest bedroom and a double bed?

Your choice as long as your family's happy.
With only children, often their bedroom is a playroom too. If you have lots of kids, it might make more sense to have smaller rooms and a playroom toys go in, but again, you work with your own family to make whatever space you have suit you.

There isnt a lot in it, but my daughter has the biggest room and a double bed. The furniture from my old house fit the 2nd biggest bedroom, (no chimney breast) so it all went in there, by the time we had settled in and converted the garage into an office, I was pregnant and it made sense to make the biggest room the nursery, with changer and rocking chair. We ended up having 2 under 2, so decorated the 3rd bedroom for my eldest whilst baby was in with me, then she went into the big nursery and he went into the new room.
We don't have a spare room, so when she outgrew her cotbed, it made sense to have a double in case family came to stay (son's bed has trundle bed underneath too)

It's not the norm, so i could understand if she was just mildly suprised, but it's weird that she made a big deal of it, people do what works for them. 🤷🏽‍♀️

My kids both have bigger rooms than me. I have the entire house to put stuff and only really sleep in my room, whereas my kids are on their rooms for a lot of time and there rooms are their space. It was a conscious decision that they had the bigger bedrooms.
This person sounds very judgmental and rude. I'd avoid them and ignore their unsolicited opinions in future.

Our child has the biggest bedroom because they have the most stuff

no double bed but I think we will get one in the next year or two

Whatever works for your family surely ?

I’d love my DD to have a double bed. We moved from a house we lived in alone to live with DH and DSS and she got the smallest room and will never get a double bed. Why wouldn’t you let your child have it. Your friend sounds odd

People are weird. Just ignore them. My youngest has a bigger room then my eldest which people like to comment on as they find it baffling. My eldest actually has a double bed and plenty of enough space so it’s not like we have shoved him into a box room either.

I think that you do whatever works. We have a 3 bedroom house, 2 large equal sized bedrooms and one much smaller one. We have 2 children both in the 2 big rooms and we are in the smaller one. We moved out of the bigger room when my children stopped sharing so the younger one could have more space. Our rationale was that we don't spend time hanging out in our room, we use the lounge or dining room. They want to have space to play, or as they are older have friends over. Plus they have way more stuff than us! There was also a bit of an equality issue, I didn't want the older one to have a huge room and the younger one to have a much smaller one. Our room is actually pretty tiny, but still fits a king size bed albeit with not much space around it. It suits us well and I don't care what other people think!

I think she was put out because of your ability to think outside the box and do what's best for your family

Sounds sensible - kids are more likely to spend awake time in their room anyway. Don’t really get rhe need for big adult bedrooms!

@SpicyMargFTW When we moved into our forever home (2 large bedrooms, 1 medium and 1 tiny), we had one of the big rooms, a king sized bed (6.5' x 6' which our two children often used as well) while they 'slept' together in the medium sized room (twin beds). The other large bedroom became 'the playroom, although the toys migrated all over the house. Later, both wanted more privacy, at night and when their friends visited. At that stage, we moved them into the large bedrooms and squeezed our bed into the medium room. It barely fitted, so most of our clothes went into the tiny room. That arrangement lasted until they left home to go to university when we reclaimed our original bedroom.

I think we were right to use our available space in a way that suited the needs of our growing family. You should do that too, whatever others say. After all, they do grow up and leave home eventually 😄

One last word about the bed - we bed shared from the beginning, although we used carry cots and later, cots. At one stage in a 2 bed flat, we had 2 double beds. Dad and #1 slept in one room and Mum and #2 in the other. That got us through the days of night feeds (EBF) with everyone getting as much sleep as possible. Said children are now 36 and 33 - perfectly normal adults with no hang-ups! You do you, and hang everyone else ♥️

I moved all my three children into their own double beds. They never had singles. So a parent (or sibling) could snuggle with them and be comfortable and sleep with them if needed.

Call me old fashioned, but I think your arrangement sends the message that the child is the boss of the house (which can lead to all sorts of problems). I guess that's probably what your friend thought as well.

It’s your home and family. Absolutely no one else’s business. You don’t need to justify it to anyone.

It's centering your child and a bit odd but if it works for you and your husband it's really not anyone's business but it is odd so I'd expect that reaction. Most people would give the biggest room to the couple and to those who are paying for it

Our two have the bigger rooms, they both have double beds to. Our room just has clothes in really, we don’t have a barbie dream house etc in our bedroom, so we just don’t need the space.

I don't think its typical for a child to have the biggest room and I would think its odd if you, as a result, were crammed into a tiny room - but I still wouldn't comment
It's nobody elses business and I can't believe she questioned you on it

It makes perfect sense. When your child has their friends over, they'll probably go and play in their bedroom. When the adults have friends over, they usually stay in the living room or kitchen.
My partner (we don't live together) gave his kids the double bedrooms and he has the box room. It's like a student's bedroom! But the kids go to their bedrooms in the evening and we have the living room to ourselves so it's fine.
People are so odd about doing things differently. Do what feels right for you and enjoy it.

The boss of the house?! What does that even mean? How does having a bigger bedroom so that they have space to play send that message? I think it just shows a child that their needs are respected.

I'd always give the bigger room to 2 adults sharing over one small child on their own

It means having the higher status in a hierarchy. The CEO tends to have the best office in the company. You may disagree with my view, but don't pretend you don't understand.
I think some families are child centric to the point that the child grows up thinking the world should revolve around their needs. I don't think it's healthy. But that's just my opinion.
BTW, my kids share the best room in the tiny house and I got the bad one. I don't like it, but I'm single so it makes sense.

Our kids have the biggest rooms, we have the smallest.

We spend far less time in our room, we're downstairs the majority of the time. We have clothes to put in our room, that's it. My kids have friends to sleepover, a desk to study, their clothes etc. We definitely do not need a big room sitting empty 18 hours a day when it can be used more.

I don't understand hierarchy between family members though. My kids know that we're mum and dad, regardless of us having the small room. Madness