AIBU to give our child the biggest bedroom and a double bed?

[SpicyMargFTW]

Walking home from school and got talking to someone I sort of know just from both living in the same place. We moved house recently (only a few streets over), which this person knew (it's a small community!) - relevant because of the direction the conversation took.

Anyway, we were talking about school and sleep (we have similarly aged children at the same school), and I mentioned that we'd been up in the night with our little one, but my husband fell asleep with them in their bed. They questioned how my husband and little one could comfortably sleep in a single bed together and I explained our little one has a double bed so it's fine. They then commented why have a double bed for a child and something about children needing room in their bedroom for toys / to play. I explained that the bed and mattress were hand-me-downs (they were like new) and our little one has the biggest room in the house so there's plenty of space for everything.

They were weirdly disapproving and sort of rhetorically questioned, again, why a child has the biggest room in the house and a double bed. It was very odd. I did try to (carefully) explain that we have plenty of space so it makes sense to us, and we didn't do this when we were in the small house.

I mean, first, why would anyone else care about the bedroom and sleeping arrangements of someone else, in their own home? I find that so strange.

To us, it makes sense to put our little one in the biggest room - they have the most stuff and it means we can keep everywhere else organised and tidy! And the double bed was not only a freebie, which there is plenty of room for, but it is also so, so useful for bedtime stories, being they're when they're upset / poorly, or we just want to encourage a lie-in etc! I love that they have a double bed in their room!

It's not like we've always been in this situation. We used to live in a small house with just two ok-sized bedrooms and a box room, and it was a squeeze - we did a good job of keeping toys tidied away but it was getting more and more difficult. Our new house is quite large (we have five big double bedrooms) so we can easily have the set-up we've got and I feel it works best for all of us. It's not as though we've spoiled our child with the biggest room and squeezed ourselves into a box but this person acted as if we'd committed some cardinal sin!

Anyway, given their reaction, I want to ask AIBU to give our young child the biggest bedroom and a double bed?

Why cant your children have any of their things in the rest of your massive house?

There are three weird tendencies about bedrooms.

One is, that some people see the size of the rooms as some sign of importance - all those largest bedroom talks and people who wouldn't move out of the largest as they are the adults.

The second is focusing on bedroom per child so much, that the parents end up in the living room. If there are more living spaces, it might be ok to turn one into defacto bedroom, but...

And the third is giving up bedrooms for guests. I'd feel so inappropriate in someone's bedroom. Sofa is fine for one or two nights.

Majority seems to do at least one of those :)

@ilbehonestI didn’t say you did, I just think it’s interesting how experiences can be so different. As I said it’s incredibly normal in London to have dc sharing with cheap & second hand furniture, despite living in expensive homes. It just doesn’t cross anyone’s mind that it would be a bad thing. Obviously I get it’s different if your siblings are mean to you.

@SpicyMargFTWI have lots of clothes so always need a decent sized bedroom for that purpose. DCs toys have never been confined to just their room & they have less toys now anyway. But as I said if it works for you.

We have the rest of the house for our stuff - it doesn't all need to go in our bedroom. Husband and I each have a room for our hobbies (which double up as guest rooms, when needed), we have a study for our books, paperwork, stationery, piano is in the hallway etc). Whilst our child has most of their things in their bedroom (musical instruments, art easel, toys etc).

We fill the rest of the house whilst most our child's things go in their bedroom! We've got more stuff, in total, but less stuff that needs to go in our bedroom.

I think you ate being unreasonable, for giving this nosey judgemental woman any explanation. If she mentions it again tell it woks for us, or better still mind your own business works too.
Is this woman jealous?

I think it has just always been thr norm for parents to have the biggest/best bedroom in the house (they are paying for it), and a single bed is fine for kids, doubles and bigger were for couples.
FWIW, I don't think YABU. I don't have the biggest bedroom in our house, one of my sons does. He has a single bed (a gaming one), as does other DS, but I wouldn't hesitate to get them doubles. I pretty much only use my bedroom for (a pitifully small amount of) sleep, and to get changed in. I don't have much stuff. The kids spend a lot time in their bedrooms and have more stuff, so it makes sense for me to have the small bedroom.

I think it's normal for parents to want to give their children things they didn't have

I think it very much depends on how much importance you place on certain things. I have read on here about people hating second hand clothes because that’s what they had in childhood. I had second hand bits, hand me downs etc and so have my dc. It’s not a negative thing for many.

That had always been my approach but you know when there's something you'd never really thought about as being contentious in any way, and then someone else takes a wholly different view, it can make you wonder if you've gone temporarily batshit crazy!

To be honest most adults only go into their bedroom to sleep or get dressed. Children and teenagers spend more time in their rooms. So it makes sense to give them the biggest room.

I don't know what she'd make of us, DS has two rooms. He had a box room to sleep in and a bigger room as a playroom/study. He now has the bigger room as his bedroom but uses the box room as a study when home from uni. He also has exclusive use of a bathroom!

We have the bigger bedroom plus a room each for our hobbies so we're not short of space.

Yet you felt the need to point out that her bed was second hand... can't imagine what really rubbed that person the wrong way.

I love spending time in my bedroom, I will speak to friends there, pamper myself, do admin. meditate, etc Yes I could do it in another room but I just love my bedroom and bed!

Hahahaha! What a film! Love the reference.

I think, had the other rooms been smaller, we wouldn't have done it and probably then ended up with the largest room, ourselves, but then with a smaller bedroom and separate playroom for our child. It's working well for us. The little one does have toys downstairs but there's room to tidy them all away. If they want other toys, we get them from their bedroom... And they go back there, afterwards. It definitely helps keen us sane and not feeling as though we live in Smyths 🤣

Also, our room is by no means small.

personally it does feel a bit much and would cause jealousy with friends
but if it is working for you thats ok

This shows creativity. Making your home work for your own family circumstances. We all try our best for our DC.

All four DC have a bathroom upstairs to share and DH and I have a wet room downstairs to ourselves at night. I love the new arrangements (not really new, been like this 18 months or so now).

Don't feel you have done anything wrong OP. You're doing what works for you.

also reminded me of american films i think

They do have toys and books downstairs but they don't need all of their things everywhere in the house. Plus, their favourite thing is to play sports inside which they can't do with all their toys around.

I don’t think this is that unusual though for families with only one dc? My neighbours do the same.

Snap! We've got a lot of wardrobes in our room and I have more in my hobbies room... All full 😬 Little one has a lot less storage space in their bedroom (especially for clothes) but, instead, they have more floor space for big things and cube storage for smaller toys. They have toys downstairs, too, but it was getting too much so they have a large cupboard, which they can fill, but anything more than that goes upstairs.

Yes, finding some importance in the size of the room seems strange to me, too. Surely it's a practicality thing?

I do understand parents giving up bedrooms for their children. I'm not sure I'd do it but I can sympathise with the thoughts and feelings of those who do. And I'd say it's personal to each person's circumstances.

As for giving up a bedroom for someone to stay in, I think that comes down to upbringing. I find it totally normal (and used to love it when we had house parties and I'd be kicked out of my room for guests... It was all part of the fun!). My husband, on the other hand, would never do it (but then he was never expected to, as a child).

Haha! Fair! It was pretty awkward. It started as a perfectly normal conversation and then took a massive turn. I tried, at that point, to disengage but I was conscious of the children being in earshot so that stopped me from being abrupt!

Jealous? Perhaps. I'm not blind to the fact we have a nice home (it comes with sacrifices, of course, but ones we've chosen to make) but I also don't think it's something I should have to completely hide in a conversation when just talking about life, generally, and I hate insincere modesty.

You don’t need to justify or explain this to anyone

If you hate insincere modesty, why point out the second hand bed?