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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

324 replies

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:32

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 09/09/2026 19:49

They constantly clash, he seems to enjoy seeing his dd in tears - no part of this is being a good dad. He sounds like a nasty bully.

Ask him, would he act like that with a work colleague? If not, why not?

Your dd is a person worthy of care and respect. And you shouldn’t have to tell him this!!!

If he is repeating harmful parenting patterns from his childhood, tell him. Make him listen. Then insist he has counselling, or you will leave him. This is SO damaging for your poor dd.

Bananacrepewithnuts · 09/09/2026 19:51

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:36

His dad was exactly the same extremely negative towards anything he did. DH holds a lot of resentment over it but refuses to see history repeating itself

Show quote history

You need to have words.

He's moving into arsehole territory and no one needs that (especially your DD).
X

Vulturesoverhead · 09/09/2026 19:52

My friend’s Dad was like that. She fucking hates him now. It’s not funny, it’s horrible.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/09/2026 19:52

He needs to change before he erodes her self esteem. Pranks aren’t funny for some people, he sounds annoying as fuck.
Hide his shoe before he goes to work, see how he likes it.
He’s horrible about the cartwheel too, there is nothing cuter than a little one convinced they’ve done it by swinging around.

Foodylicious · 09/09/2026 19:54

What a wanker.
Sounds like he is genuinely taking enjoyment out of making a 5 year old cry. Not just any 5 year old, but his daughter.
Sounds controlling and really really unpleasant.

He needs to grow the F up and get some help.

Ask him if this is something he would be happy for all family and friends to witness, would he discuss it at a review with health visitor or GP, and if the answer is no then clearly he knows its appalling behaviour.

It might sound extreme, but if this was my OH and he wasnt prepared to address this, it would be a deal breaker for me.

Dependsoncontext · 09/09/2026 19:57

This is not Okay at all. He is in the position of power and he is using it with her. I hated this as a child (not my parents but I recognise the abuse of power from other adults) and it is a sign of inadequacy. I think you have to confront this/call it out for what it is, otherwise you are in danger of colluding with it.

Sugargliderwombat · 09/09/2026 19:58

Devon1987 · 09/09/2026 16:39

I’m sorry I think you are being a bit wet with your DH. If my DH wound up my 5 to the point of tears, I’d rip him a new one. She is a child, she needs encouragement not tearing down. If continues she’s not even going to try. He is teaching her no matter what she does, it’s not good enough. He sounds a like wanker who always thinks he is right.

Agree with this. He's a prick, stand up for your kid.

bettyrubble99 · 09/09/2026 20:04

A misogynist had a daughter. A little woman he can belittle and bully under the guise of "teasing". Why are you allowing him to treat her like that?. Why are you not stopping it and if he won't stop it, why are you still with him? She is FIVE poor little girl. I feel so sad for her

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 09/09/2026 20:04

Wow… she’s deffo gonna put him in a grotty home when he’s older if he carries on. What a knob and you’re being a knob enabler.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/09/2026 20:04

Does he mock and undermine you too? If he wants to keep his family he needs to cop on.

pomegranatesee · 09/09/2026 20:06

Your husband sounds like an absolute bellend.

MMUmum · 09/09/2026 20:06

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:32

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

How old is Dh? 6,? 7? He's definitely not adulting very well in this scenario 🙄

MrsJeanLuc · 09/09/2026 20:07

He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes

@Fawncard you need to wake up. This is bullying, clear and simple and absolutely NOT something a parent should do to a child!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Does he exhibit controlling behaviours towards you too? You need to put a stop to this type of behaviour immediately before it permanently damages her self esteem.

MMUmum · 09/09/2026 20:09

HRHCurmudgeon · 09/09/2026 16:38

My mates husband was like this. Told my goddaughter fairies don’t exist when she was three and we were fairy hunting in the woods.

Man, I judged him for squashing her enthusiasm and imagination. Your husband is being a dick.

Don't know how he'd have cope with my Dd when she was small, she had 5 imaginary friends, boys and girls, they were a significant part of our lives for a few years 😅

momtoboys · 09/09/2026 20:10

He is what my DH would call a "ball buster". SOme men cannot help themselves, it's how they get attention. Doing it to your 5 year old is just taking the piss.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 09/09/2026 20:15

HRHCurmudgeon · 09/09/2026 16:38

My mates husband was like this. Told my goddaughter fairies don’t exist when she was three and we were fairy hunting in the woods.

Man, I judged him for squashing her enthusiasm and imagination. Your husband is being a dick.

When i was 4, or 5, my next door neighbour told me Fr Christmas wasn’t real.

My mum was very annoyed.

PS5Gamer · 09/09/2026 20:18

He’s not a good Dad at all, and it’s pathetic to think he is. He’s a sadistic, bullying Twat.

You need to stand up for your Daughter.

FloofyKat · 09/09/2026 20:24

He is being deliberately cruel and unkind and yes, he is a bully. How can he find it funny to tease your DD to the point of tears? How does he not wish to accept this is utterly unacceptable?

Bobcurlygirl · 09/09/2026 20:28

RotatingPenguin · 09/09/2026 17:26

We once heard over the fence our neighbour's daughter, aged about 4, on her trampoline say "watch me daddy, I'm the best bouncer". Without a pause her father said "no you aren't".

My then 17 yo son was outraged and has continued to mutter about it some 16 years after the event. None of us could believe a father could be so nasty as to deflate his small child like that.

Sounds like they still walk among us.

This is my FIL.. He wouldn't have taken a cup away but he would NEVER say anything nice or encouraging to my kids. Whatever they said he always had a putdown. Had lots of " grandad has forgotten his manners kids" type conversations

feelingfree17 · 09/09/2026 20:29

He needs to change his attitude if he wants to have any relationship with her now and in the future. Fathers can completely crush a girls self esteem. He should be building her up.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 09/09/2026 20:30

momtoboys · 09/09/2026 20:10

He is what my DH would call a "ball buster". SOme men cannot help themselves, it's how they get attention. Doing it to your 5 year old is just taking the piss.

I have a different name for him!

F63C · 09/09/2026 20:30

I had an uncle that did this to me. I grew up to hate his absolute guts. Even when he was an old man. I had nothing to do with him as soon as I was able to get him out of my life.

You are not taking this seriously enough OP. He needs therapy and if he keeps doing it, I would get evidence, leave him and do everything in my power to keep him away from my child. He's a cunt.

XigDoop · 09/09/2026 20:35

He's a scrote undermining his daughters confidence.

MyDeftDuck · 09/09/2026 20:49

She’s being a kid……he’s being a twat…… aka a stupid bully in men’s clothing! Tell him to let her play on her terms, she has years ahead to be able to refine the challenges of turning cartwheels!

Tiredhotmess · 09/09/2026 20:51

YANBU you and your DH is an arsehole! He seems to take delight in making your DD cry, but excuses it by pretending it's just a joke. It's not a joke, it's emotional abuse. I would have been furious with my DH if he'd ever done this to my children.

As for him criticising her attempts to do a cartwheel! She's 5 ffs! As parents we should be encouraging our children's efforts, not putting them down. He sounds like a piss-poor father tbh; it's no wonder your Dd doesnt have a good relationship with him.