To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

[Helenaslide]

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

That's why it's important to always put the lid down when flushing a poo down. I bet he didn't even do this eh @Helenaslide

Jesus I wouldn’t do this now after being with someone 5 years never mind 4 months. That’s grim and a big ick

People do have very different approaches to this sort of thing, though I think the slow decline of the family bathroom with several people in there at once makes it less common, and plenty of families would only find a wee acceptable.

But I think him carrying on (assuming you protested at a point when he could stop) and then laughing about it is a huge red flag.

If you've got three toilets there's no need to do that ever. He was making a point that you aren't allowed to have anything nice that he won't ruin.

Married for over thirty years and not a chance would DH do this.

He probably only offered the wine because he could feel that he was ready to do a shit.

So he had two other toilets to choose from but chose to strain shit and wipe in front of you instead?? Disgusting and pervy. Dump him op.

This is absolutely grim. Dump him.

I had a boyfriend do this once when I was brushing my teeth. He just walked in, sat down and started unloading himself. I was disgusted.

I just walked out.

He was in the Forces though and said that all the lads “took dumps” in front of each other and didn’t see what the big deal was. I was told him I was not “one of the lads” and to never do it again.

Who in their right mind actually thinks it’s ok to do that?

It’s so disrespectful.

We don't but I can accept it's normal for some people. However, as you have more than one toilet it does seem like pushing a boundary. If he's apologetic and generally thoughtful I might give him another chance but if it's part of a pattern then get rid.

My horrible abusive ex partner used to do this. Also tried to come in the bathroom and tell long winded stories (narc) while I was doing mine! Completely ignored any outrage I expressed.

Together 20years nope because we have mutual respect for each other.

YOU HAVE THREE TOILETS AND HE CHOSE TO DEFECATE IN THE ONE YOU WERE IN????
Not only in, but sort of trapped in because of the being naked and wet aspect and how it would be a performance and faff for you to get out quickly. Defected, stunk it out, argued against your objections then laughed about it.
And only 4 months in. Wow.

Never happened in any relationship I have been in. So vulgar

Urgh when he’s in the bath slap him round the face with a used tampon then bin him - in fact don’t even typing that is gross.
just end it

Absolutely disgusting, In 30 years we would never do this in front of each other.
No issues of it’s a wee maybe I’d be in the bath and he’d come up to tell me something but then he’d say mine if I have a quick wee? But even that I can count on 1 hand.

Err, the shit is in water and then surrounded in about 6 litres of it when you flush.

However, ChatGPT says this is a thing, it’s called a “toilet plume”. Well every day is a school day!!! 🤣🤣

And also, who is going to want to linger in a bath with a glass of wine when the room stinks of excrement and flatulence? He must have known that would ruin your enjoyment.

That's rank. He's disgusting.

I was going to say, it he’s got to go but then I say you have 3 loos.its a power thing - see if he does it again

This was completely normal when I was a kid. Anybody in the bath could expect anyone (family obs) who needed the toilet to use it. Also if
on the toilet someone else could come in and use other parts
if the bathroom, ie run a bath etc.

MN has a bit of a
bodily function blind spot in my opinion and an aversion to bodily fluids and products.

This whole how to declutter phase of if there is 💩on anything you should bin seems ridiculous.

Going forward if he repeats after you've explained it is not acceptable to you then take action. If it is just a misunderstanding and everything else is good chalk it up to different strokes for diffferent folks.

Four months in is the honeymoon period.

Two spare loos and he did this? Talk about show you who he is. It’s a total deal breaker and he should be instantly dumped for the dump. The laugh when you called him out on it makes even more sinister.

Bit early for that! Crikey xx

Beyond revolting. And absolutely massively disrespectful even if you had only one toilet. He needs dumping yesterday, I hate to think how he would treat you once you’ve been together longer. Please don’t let him get away with treating you like this, you deserve better

No it is not the normal thing to do (though I know some people don’t seem to mind 🤢). I’d be furious and they’d not be doing it again (if I even still want to see them).