To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

[Helenaslide]

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

That kind of behaviour 4 months into a relationship is not a good sign. I would be showing him the door for that. As a pp has said, it’s a bit of a power move at worst and disgusting and disrespectful at best. Either way I’d be done with him.

I don’t know how it could be ok as it’s going to smell, so he expects you to inhale his stink! Gross! 🤮

I'm sure some people are fine with it but I wouldn't call it 'normal'. He certainly shouldn't have assumed you would be fine with it and I find it hard to believe 'everyone' he's ever dated thought it was OK. Also, even if someone would be OK with this is in a long established relationship, I really don't think the vast majority of people would think it was normal to have a shit in front of someone after only four months of dating.

The really big red flag is that he came in without asking, sat down and had a shit again without asking you if it was OK and then laughed at you. That all sounds to me like a very deliberate attempt to humiliate you and assert control, to be honest. You were doing a nice, relaxing thing in private, without him, and he decided he'd make a point by ruining it for you and proving that he can invade your space and privacy in the grossest way imaginable whenever he wants to.

I don't really understand how this happened...as soon as he started taking his trousers down did you not say to him what are you doing? Is it only poos you are unhappy with him doing or goes he usually come in if he needs a wee.
Assuming you only have one toilet so in future if going in the bath I would give him notice that if he wants to use the bathroom to go now, and then to let it air before you go in after.

Instant dump from me. Yuck.

Rank. Pee is just about ok but 2s are disrespectful Nd grim.

He crossed some major boundaries and laughed about it. He doesn't respect your boundaries. Dump the dumper.

He definitely did this on purpose, then.

Gross no.

I've have one bathroom. Pee fine as pull shower curtain around the bath. Poop nope unless abosulte dire then person gets out of bath for a moment. Wee spray and vent then back in but again only emergency poops

Definitely not normal, my DH has never done this in 37 years! Maybe in a dire emergency, but I would still expect him to knock and let me know he's desperate so that I can vacate the bathroom!

Absolutely disgusting.

No thats vile. We’ve never seen each other use the toilet

I don't really understand how this happened...as soon as he started taking his trousers down did you not say to him what are you doing?

If you read the OP's post, that's exactly what she did do, and he just carried on.

Awful OP but I’ve weirdly heard of other couples who comfortably do this, it’s bizarre.

This isn’t acceptable imo. It’s not remotely funny. If he was desperate and apologetic, that might be one thing. But to do it for laughs, no thanks. And, just because everyone he knows is also disrespectful, that doesn’t make it ok. I’d rather be single.

Did he wipe in front of you too?

I mean, which is worse? A man wiping his shitty arse in front of you OR a man NOT wiping his shitty arse in front of you?

Grosse
I would of splashed him

Well, after he’s curled one off, you’d at least hope he’d wipe his arse.

Disgusting. Dump immediately!! You said no, don't do that and he ignored you. What a prince among men.

That's gross, he released poo particles into the atmosphere during your relaxing bath. And then to have to drink wine in the poo waft!

Shame?

no one should be ashamed of normal bodily functions. It’s polite to not in front of others if you’re human, but it’s not shameful.

animals don’t feel shame, you’re reaching there. In fact many will do it when others are around as it’s basic protection, they’re vulnerable in that moment and a “lookout” keeps them safer. Many cats prefer an open litter box for this reason, and my dog will only shit when I’m watching.

I wouldn't mind them shouting through to ask for a wee but number 2- gross. The fact he laughed shows he's brung disrespectful to u

A wee is ok but absolutely not for a poo.

He lied to you? I would be out, on that basis.

Have been married to DH for 22 years. While he might have witnessed all manner of things come out in childbirth 🙈we do tend to avoid doing number twos in one another's presence if at all possible.

Four months in I'm not sure he had so much as farted in the same room as me.