Page 6 | WIBU to give my daughter's friend a lift home in torrential rain?

DinonneS · 2026-09-08T14:31:25+00:00

A bit of advice need to how to handle this situation. So dd is 15 and walks to and from school. It’s about a 10 min walk so not far and dd has a group of friends, including one of our neighbours dd, who all walk together. Today we have had torrential rain all day so I dropped her this morning and said I’d pick her up. Messaged my neighbour (who works until 7pm) and asked if she’d also like me to pick up her dd. She said yes please so I’ve rocked up outside school to pick the two of them up. While there I see dd’s friend who lives about. 20 min walk but only a 7 min drive away and offered her a lift too and it was genuinely pouring down. She was very grateful and I know her mum so I knew she’d have no problem with it. All in all the extra drop off took me an extra 15mins and we were home at 3.10pm instead of the usual 2.55pm. Neighbour has completely kicked off that I didn’t tell her I was picking up and dropping another child while her daughter was in the car. She said we’ll be chatting about it tonight when she’s back home. Not sure what I’ve done wrong tbh

Vodkamartini3olives · Today 18:23

I know I'll get deleted but I'm going to put this at the top of the 'things that didn't happen list

Pinkchickenwine · Today 18:24

Knickerstoya · Today 15:47

Yes but the op told the mum she was picking the girl up and giving her a lift

Show quote history

Which she did …. Perfectly well!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · Today 18:27

I think the words you are looking for are Thank you for bringing DD home.

BunnyLake · Today 18:28

DinonneS · Today 17:54

Hi sorry for the late response. I went straight on a work call when I got back so I’m only just catching up. To answer a fee questions;

I assume mum was watching out on her ring when I said I’d pick them up and was expecting her to be back at a certain time.

i did not message the mum to say we were dropping someone on the way as I was driving. I just assumed her dd would shoot her a quick message while she was in the car to let her know. They’re 15 and have all had phones since they started walking to school, which was year 7!

We live in a tight knit, fairly small, village so a lot of dd’s friends have been her friends since primary school and they have all gone on to the local secondary together. All of us parents take it in turns to pick up/drop off. I’ve given so many lifts to dd’s friends and many of her friend’s parents have given her a lift. It’s just what we do here. It isn’t out of the ordinary for any of us to see a child walking down the street and offer them a lift. Which is why my first thought was for me to offer to pick her dd up as I knew the forecast was heavy rain.

I’ve never had a problem with this neighbour before. She is quirky and she has had issues with other neighbours in the past. In general though, I don’t have a lot to do with her socially. We have picked up and dropped off each others children before on many occasions. There was a time in primary when she was doing all morning drop offs and I was doing all the pick ups as it suited our work schedule.

I can’t imagine her dd text her to complain about me dropping another child off. Her dd is lovely and was very grateful for the lift back as they would’ve been soaked!

‘Quirky’ mum could have texted her dd to see why she was running late if she was that concerned.

BunnyLake · Today 18:29

Vodkamartini3olives · Today 18:23

I know I'll get deleted but I'm going to put this at the top of the 'things that didn't happen list

Sometimes I think that’s 99% of MN.

Pinkchickenwine · Today 18:29

Throwaway65131 · Today 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

Any reasonable person would message OP or child and say “are you delayed”, anxiety or being a worrier is no excuse whatsoever, if you’re that much of a worrier you can’t take a rational option then take the child to and from school yourself. No one else is safe to take your child, because they may make ultra rash decisions like the OP!

teensdrivememad · Today 18:30

Wow, people never fail to surprise me!!!
Am intrigued to know what the "chat" is about- please do update us!

If she was worried surely she knew how to phone her own child. No wonder the world is on rhe state it is when people.are so ridiculously controlled

3luckystars · Today 18:33

I would just stay quiet and listen to what she says and back away from her. (Moonwalking able)

Just for your own information, listen to her carefully, and then if you are ever thinking of helping her again, remember her.

Do not ‘discuss’ it or apologise, just to take in what she is saying so you will remember.

Ungrateful cow.

SharkPants · Today 18:37

No, you have done nothing wrong.
It was kind of you to offer her daughter a lift and it was kind of you to offer the other girl a lift.
What an ungrateful human she is.
I would have definitely done the same.
She sounds uptight.
Her daughter could have text her to let her know.
It's upsetting but, I'm sure the other girl's parents are very grateful that you helped her home.
Hopefully, she will calm down, realise how ridiculously ungrateful she sounds and apologise.
One thing, some of the advice you've been given, I disagree with. I, personally, wouldn't stop offering her daughter lifts if she's not out of your way, it is not the girl's fault. I bet she's mortified her mother is behaving like this. Inform the mum, if she decides to have a rant at you, that if her daughter would like a lift in the rain, you may make a detour to help out any stragglers, she can take it or leave it. My 15 year old would definitely be furious at me if I caused this fuss (but it would never cross my mind to get cross about this anyway!).
You have been so kind. Says more about her than it does you.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Today 18:40

You've done nothing wrong.
The 15 year old ( who knows what her mother is like) could have texted her.
The neighbour herself, could easily have picked up her phone and called the DD or you.

I don't care for the tone of " we'll be chatting about it when she gets home." one bit.

I hope you don't take any nonsense from her OP and if you don't feel like taking an angry phone call, text and say you are too busy this evening but will discuss it when she's calmed down. And if she rings and is shouty, hang up .

Weeellokthen · Today 18:43

Vodkamartini3olives · Today 18:23

I know I'll get deleted but I'm going to put this at the top of the 'things that didn't happen list

Oh, i dunno. If that child had been a few years younger I would've suspected it was one of my fruit loopy ndn. 😂

CruCru · Today 18:44

There is a chance that the mum has just phrased it really badly.

fashionqueen0123 · Today 18:48

Absolute nutter.

emptygoosenest · Today 18:53

Poor kid with a mum like that.
I absolutely wouldn't be having any further conversations with your Neighbour about it. The kid is going to be 16 next birthday!

Rpop · Today 19:04

If it was a much longer delay, I’d like a text to say “we’re on our way” - if if was longer than perhaps a 20 min delay, I’d start to get anxious. But I wouldn’t say anything to you other than thank you so much!! You did nothing wrong at all. Other than be kind.

Rpop · Today 19:10

To add to the message I just sent, the context for me is that my children are primary school age and we live in the countryside with nothing to stop at between the school and home so a 20+ min delay would begin to get a bit worrying here. But if the children were older and at a slightly further away school etc, perhaps it would take me longer to get worried. But I would never be cross in this scenario!!

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · Today 19:14

Knickerstoya · Today 15:37

Did you or the girl let the mum know she would be later home?

They're 15 FFS 🙄

Isometimeswonder · Today 19:21

Just say "There We Are Then"
(twat) and nod

BigGra · Today 19:22

Throwaway65131 · Today 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

Oh come on, really ? All she had to do was text her own daughter and check on her ETA.

lightningatmidnight · Today 19:22

What an arsehole (her not you!)

LarryForPrimeMinister · Today 19:25

I'd understand if it was midnight or something but 15 minutes late at 3pm in the afternoon is nothing what a drama queen.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · Today 19:27

annonymousse · Today 15:35

I'd be telling her the words she searching for are "thank you" and in future I will leave her daughter to walk and get soaked. Like they say no good deed goes unpunished.

I can’t really add to this for a perfect answer!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · Today 19:29

Throwaway65131 · Today 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

“Sick with worry” about a 15 yo being very slightly later home than expected? Are you joking?

If that made us sick with worry most of us with teens would have dropped dead of worry long ago!

DisappearingGirl · Today 19:34

That's utterly batshit and you did nothing wrong.

However (and people will disagree with me here!) it's worth a lot to not fall out with your neighbours / kids' friends' parents, even if they are a bit highly strung. So I'd probably just listen to what she has to say and if she says "I was really worried" I'd just apologise - genuinely but not grovelling - e.g. ah I'm sorry you were worried, I should have got your DD to message you.

Walkerzoo · Today 19:35

I.would.want to listen so that I could then say would you prefer a child get soaked in dangerous conditions. Then I would walk away and never offer a lift again.