Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

@hungryowl You are not helping yourself, its time to read the room and walk away OP.

You have dug yourself a big hole and its time to start backfilling.

She isn’t bailing for a man. She doesn’t want to spend the weekend drinking and would prefer to work on her marriage ffs

Which is not the same thing !! You had an affair - so he rightly has concerns that if you’re still engaging like this with men while you’re out and drinking, there’s a lack of control - not to mention a high chance of one or other of you having their drinks spiked. And from what you’ve said throughout the thread it seems likely your friend is vulnerable so he doesn’t want her involved. I don’t blame him.

It’s yet another one of those threads where it’s hard to see why the OP has posted. It’s very clear what’s going on and yet every time it’s pointed out to OP she has a reason why that’s not the case.

But you are putting her in dangerous situations. If she has to look after you because you can’t look after yourself, that limits her ability to look after herself. These situations are prime for predatory men.

I agree and its called totally lacking self awareness and avoidance of the truth!

And its to be hoped her friend never finds this thread and the way she has been described or it may be flame throwers at dawn!

She doesn't want to hear what you or the mass majority of us are saying.

She came on her expecting she would get 100% support about how badly she has been treated and instead of reading the room she has come out fighting.

And ironically that just confirms why her friend has cancelled the holiday, because the OP not only fails to listen to subtlety but outright statements about why she is wrong. If that is what her friend was up against I sort of get why she cancelled without discussion as I sense there is a history behind this the OP was too self centred to attend to because it was contrary to what she wanted.

You cannot be serious. A weekend in Ayia Napa in your 40s. I’d rather stick my tits in a beehive.

I feel like you’ve probably railroaded your ‘friend’ into this weekend away. She’s paid what you have outstanding to get rid of you - take the hint.

Her husband isn’t controlling. Yes he doesn’t like you but if I’m being honest I think my husband would have something to say if I was going out with someone who got blind drunk, vomiting in public and dancing with random blokes too. You sound like a complete liability. You’re not a friend. You just want someone to get shit faced who will put up with you - you’ve reached the end of the line with her. The fact you have no other friends also speaks volumes.

You are the problem. Not her. Not her husband. You.

I had a friend, who didn’t have children and still thought we could go out and be 18 again. And I enjoyed the opportunity to go out and let my hair down and just be me for a night rather than mum.

We were friends for 20 years, which came abruptly to an end after we went out one night for a couple of drinks (and I left my children at home with my now husband) I was so drunk I passed out in a toilet cubicle and she left me there.

Yes it was my fault I was drunk, I did that to myself. But my best friend, my sister from another mister, left me passed out in a toilet cubicle, miles from home. Made slightly worse with the fact she didn’t ring me or message me the next day etc to check I was ok. In fact I didn’t hear from her for over a year!

We tried to build bridges, I was maid of honour at both her first and second weddings, I still made an effort, she on the other hand couldn’t even be bothered to turn up to my wedding.

Surely you have someone else you could go away with if you really want a boozy weekend away

Agree. And tits in a beehive is definitely a phrase I’m stealing 🤣

Me too, I will use it at the earliest opportunity. I laughed out loud!

Looks like OP is name changing and posting comments to back herself up 🤣🤣🤣