Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

Ahe isn't losing you... she got rid of you because you're an alcoholic and she wants better for her life.

Stupid reasons hahahahahhahahaha
You're a mess and you are trying to break up her marriage
You have no other friends and now have to hang out with your husbands friends - what does that tell you

I’m not trying to break them up. I just think she’s changed and he’s not good enough for her. I have plenty of other friends. She’ll only have about two friends left when he’s finished judging us all though.

No point me replying separately as this poster absolutely nailed it. What a rotten friend you are.

Sounds like you’re just in a bad mood that your friend, at 40, doesn’t want to act like a 20 year old anymore and wants to work on her marriage and family.

Take one or your other drunk friends then and stop whinging

She will be better off with 2 good friends that have actually grown up than a load of drunks who embarass themselves all the time

I’ve just read all of OPs posts.

This is either fake (hope so) or one of the most deluded and sad posts in a long time.

To be 40, have kids, and be acting like this is just mortifying. I’m surprised if you have any friends your age left who do this with you. 😬

Is this a real post? Your friend doesn’t want boozy weekends away. She wants to go to pottery classes and work on her marriage. If you are a friend you would support that!!

I think you sound like the most selfish and immature woman ever! Maybe you like boozy nights out. She no longer does and her husband supporting her in that is not him being ‘controlling’ and he is right - you sound like you have not grown up. Find yourself a man who wants to do boozy weekends with you. Everyone’s a winner

You're 42 OP grow up. It's all fine and well to enjoy a drink but clearly you revolve your life around holidays that simply must involve alcohol. Your friend is trying to cut out drinking because unlike you she's recognised that she has a problem. You really think your mates husband isn't good enough because he sees right through you and he's advised her to get help to stop allowing piss takers to take advantage. I mean she's even paid you back for the whole fucking holiday just because she no longer wants to go when really she only needed to pay you back her half and you could have still gone without her. Clearly you're not going because you have no other friends to go with, they're probably all sick of seeing a grown woman getting wasted every weekend and don't want to be stuck with you in another country doing exactly what you do every weekend in town

The friend's husband sounds great and very supportive (and this is coming from someone who is usually very quick to say LTB).
OP you are incredibly immature for expecting other people to deal with your behaviour. It is no fun at all being a spectator to someone making an absolute fool of themselves.

Are you sure it’s not her who’s doing the judging ? If she’s identified an alcohol problem and has sought help for it, you’re massively unreasonable to be organising things that revolve around alcohol. It’s not up to you to judge whether or not she needs to ‘let her hair down’ if that involves drinking. And if the two friends she has left are on board with what she wants instead of what they think she wants then they’re probably the only two friends she needs.

You sound very immature. And your friend sounds as though they’ve outgrown you. At some stage you realise that weekends spent shit faced and holding your friends’ hair back while they vomit in the street are just a waste of life.

OP I think you need to consider why your friend paid you the money for the whole holiday and not just her share. That suggests to me that she knows you’ll have difficulty finding someone else to go with you. Maybe something to think about.

When you get so drunk your being sick in the street and cant even order yourself an user or taxi then yes you do have a massive drinking problem.
The fact that you dont see it or that your drinking buddies dont see/comment on it doesn't mean that you don't have a problem it means your friends either dont care or have their own drinking problems.
The fact that your husband and all your friends who drink with you are 10+ years younger than you should tell you something about your problems

And I'm sure she's absolutely devastated.

I actually feel sorry for her children. What an example she sets! Most people grow out of vomiting in the street after they have done it maybe once, and certainly a long time before starting a family.

Stupid reasons, absolutely: saving her marriage, protecting her health by breaking bad habits, not wanting to behave like a drunken teenager in her 40s, and kicking back against a “friend” who booked something she already knew wasn’t suitable; the same friend who thinks being a vomiting pisshead is the epitome of fun and interesting.

Yes, very stupid.

Well summarised. In a nutshell, in fact.

Are you sure you’re happy with your own life OP ? You seem very invested in involving your friend in your own lifestyle even though from what you’ve said, she’s outgrown you. I’m minded of the phrase ‘misery loves company’.

Maybe the friend doesn't have an alcohol problem at all. Maybe she's fed up of spending her hard earned cash in nightclubs (dread to think how much that costs nowadays) while you get drunk, chat up randoms, fall over and can't get yourself home. Her kids are starting uni soon.

I’m very happy. I have a lot of like minded people around me. I just think that the husband is controlling that he doesn’t want her out. She’s a 42 year old woman and he tells her he’s uncomfortable her coming out with me to the pub as he thinks she could get into dangerous situations! But then he’s not got a single comment on another girl she sees and going for a drink! When I go out I get glammed up and she doesn’t anyone - she said it’s because she doesn’t need to because she just came for a drink with a friend. I’m sure her husband is telling her not to get dressed up because she’s attractive.

She is dropping them off this week so that’s already done before we were due to go away.

So basically what you’re saying is that your friend doesn’t have a mind of her own. From what you’ve said, you drink heavily and flirt while you’re out. You’re married and have had an affair - you haven’t said whether you’re still with the husband you cheated on. On top of that your friend has admitted to her husband that she has an alcohol problem and asked him to help. I’m really not surprised he doesn’t want her anywhere near you.

I used to have a friend like you op. She also believed she was the life and soul of the party, loved a drink and a night out in bars and clubs. She was absolutely exhausting and going out with her was like looking after a trucculant toddler. If she wasnt falling over she was smashed in the corner or having an argument with a randomer. She would 'flirt' which actually involved her draping herself over uninterested men or integrating herself into groups of people who did not want her there at all. It was utterly embarrassing, yet she had no insight whatsoever and often needed wrestling into a taxi ( she once offered to pay the driver in kind)

Then was the next day when she was hungover. She could be absolutely spiteful and horrible. She would apologise for that a day or so later, then the whole sorry carousel would start again.

Before you say anything and call me boring, I am not a 'sober sally' or whatever you call it. I like a drink too but equally I know my limits these days and am happy with a wine or three and a nice meal. So are most of my similarly age friends in their 40's.

You need to stop making drinking your main focus or you will lose most of your friends. You dont need to stop drinking as long as you are able to curb bad behaviour and do things other than clubs and bars

So what? She may be helping them out financially for the next 3 years. When she drops them off is irrelevant.

Wow
You're a peach 😂
No wonder she doesn't want to come.
You don't sound like you care about her at all, it's all me, me me.