Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

What you class as “boring”, some people, including your friend, might enjoy. Strange but some people don’t need to be getting pissed up to have fun.
You sound insufferable and your friend is better off without a judgemental person, such as yourself, in her life.

🤨 interesting first post, OP.

admitted to having an affair
Drink way too much
Spew up on a pavements
admit liking attention from other men.....Hells teeth. Who would make themselves out to be a drunken slapper. This is definitely a wind up 🤣

'Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain'

Well said! Some so called friend the OP is!

Bunny boiler OP

She sounds as rough as a bears ass

She is fully settle into being an adult? At 42? I think that's pretty normal...

If she's wanting to stop drinking alcohol as much, it's just common sense that she won't want a boozy weekend based around clubs and bars now!!
Nobody's stopping you still going. Go for a nice weekend away by yourself.

I'm just here for the delete post announcement.

@hungryowl how awful she has decided not to go because you will drink and youre being painted as some scarlet lady who she shouldnt spend time with.

I dont drink, my friends do. We go clubbing and eating out etc - it's fine, we all have a good time inc sober me!

So it sounds to me like she can't control herself & instead of admitting that, shes pulled out and said she wants to chill instead.

Ok thats her perogative. Dont cut her off. Accept she can change her mind and did the roght thing telling you in time so you could hopefully find another +1.

The question is - do you know anyone who could go with you instead at short notice?

I was following this as it was so funny! But now I've got the ick, and don't want to hear about a woman in her 40s who goes to clubs to let her hair down, men buy her drinks but she doesn't 'do anything', I'm imagining a sort of temu Katy Price...........

I think she should cut you off, actually.

I thought I’d quote you as I like your username. Exactly. The correct response.

Are you coming back to the thread op? What do you think to an entire thread of people telling you your friend is not the issue here?

I tried to call her and her husband and her husband told me I was crossing a boundary and invasion of privacy and hung up. I guess I’ll take the money she gave me and book something else. I do wonder if people are happy living these lives. I think I will stick to my husbands friends from now on, at least they know how to have a good time.

Well I’m not inviting any sober sallys that’s for sure!

This thread is rage bait but OP you sound a right nasty cow who will only end up lonely

I have a whole family and tons of friends on my wave length

She's going out getting off her face drunk and, by her own admission, f*#king around. Her one friend no longer wants to have any thing to do with her so she is now going to hang around with her husband's friends - sice she cheats on him, they're going to hate her. She's already lonely and its all her own fault

Painted as a scarlet woman - read the OP - she admits she's a cheat - and she obviously has a drinking problem

I don’t have a drinking problem. I just like having a party for god sake I’m out every weekend and no one ever comments around me

So it's OK for you to be friends with your husbands wives but not OK for her to be friends with her husbands wives 😂😂 OK then Jan

You absolutely were crossing a boundary contacting her & her husband to complain. Clearly she wants nothing to do with you. In fact you sound like you need an intervention. Call them again and they'll probably claim harassment and they won't be wrong.

When you are prepared to lose your only friend because you can't/won't have a weekend without getting wasted, its a problem. People around you (the ones that are sober) have made comments but you're too drunk to hear them

No. She’s losing me because she’s let me down for stupid reasons.

Nah you're not being unreasonable.
Don't cut her off though, she'll come back to you when her husband leaves