AIBU to buy younger children cars when eldest did not get one?

[CoffeeRevelsfan]

My DD is 20. I’d saved £8k in her CTF which she got when she turned 18, she’d used £3.5k of that to buy a little run around car, then a few months later won £10k on the lottery, so bought herself a better car.

my DSD is turning 18 in a few months, and my younger DS in a years time. They will both have £8k in their CTF’s, same as older DD. DH and I have been talking about buying a little run around car each for DSD and younger DS given that older DD got a leg up money wise with her lottery win and was able to buy herself a car, but I’m not sure if older DD will feel like we’ve given the younger 2 something that she didn’t have.

we are not rolling in money and have to save hard for any big purchases. DH and I had quite different upbringings - I had to pay for every driving lesson, test, buy my first car, pay for the insurance etc alone, whereas DH had everything paid for him. I feel that buying DSD and DS a car is something that I never had and would love to do for our children, and DD had a lottery win so although we were not in a position to buy her a car, she was lucky enough to buy herself one with her lottery win.

are we being unreasonable to buy the younger 2 cars when we were not able to do the same for older DD?

I would say you need to treat them all the same.

I don’t think that’s being fair. Why can’t they use the money from the CTF’s to buy cars like your eldest DD did?

The lottery win is irrelevant. Give them all the same. TBH if you have limited money to give them I'd put it in a LISA for them rather than buying a car.

I will be getting my youngest a car because we have the money now and didn’t for the oldest.

Equal isn’t always fair either.

DD had a lottery win so although we were not in a position to buy her a car, she was lucky enough to buy herself one with her lottery win.

But that's not true. As she bought a car with money from her CTF.

YABU. Your other children will be able to buy a car using money from their CTF and may decide to upgrade when they have the funds to do so, just like their sister did.

Absolutely not. Each child has £8k. DD1 spent £3.5k on a car, next two kids can choose to do something similar.

The £10k lottery win is irrelevant to your younger kids. It's something your DD1 did and won by herself. Similarly your younger kids might get windfalls or save up themselves etc.

You didn't win the lotto.

The ages are far too close to treat them that differently. The lottery win is nothing to do with it - you can't even out every difference in their adult lives.
If first DD was 10 years older than the others, successful, and you'd had a big financial change in circumstances it might be easier to explain to her why she was treated differently. It might have still felt unfair to her though.

I wouldn't do this. They should buy their own cars just as your daughter did.

The lottery win is completely irrelevant. She brought her car initially from the 8K you gave her and that you will be giving her siblings. If they want a car they can do exactly what she did and use some or all of that money to buy their own car.

It's only reasonable if you also give the eldest the same amount in cash as you're spending on the younger ones cars. The lottery win isn't relevent.

This. LISA'S are changing but i have advised my dd who turns 18 soon to put her ctf into one. She can buy her own car!

its not fair... but I would say that I personally don't believe (I know how this sounds to some people) that you don't need to be 100% fair to your kids in a strict numeric sense. Different children have different needs, and as long as you raise them not to be full of jealousy, then yes, I think it is 100% ok to give more to a child who has less.

Taking it to an extreme... if you have 1 child who wins the lottery and buys a house, and another child who is struggling to buy a house. Of course you want to help the second child, but should you also give an equivalent amount to the child who doesn't "need" it?

I would hope the child who got lucky and doesn't need the help, won't be jealous of their family members who didn't get as lucky.

Help your children based on their needs.. not based on an absolute fixed number that has to be 100% equal between all the children. Let them know you will always be there to help each with their "personal" needs, that is your job. But their needs will be different.

Maybe your older one has her own needs that the younger ones don't have yet? You can always ask.

Also are they working because if not are you also paying tax, insurance petrol etc

Eight thousand pounds is enough to buy a decent first car. You are risking a fall out unnecessarily.

My parents did the same but the opposite way round, they bought my older brother his first car as well as his first year of insurance and some driving lessons. I'm 4 years younger and they said they couldn't afford to do the same for me so I had to pay for my own. I've never forgotten how unequal it made me feel

They all had child trust funds available to them. Your eldest’s lottery win is irrelevant really. What if she’d bought herself the run/around and then saved tye £10k for a house deposit or travelling.

I’m also not sure having 3 cars between 3 youngsters is needed especially if any of them are at university- different if they’re working locally but I think it would be unfair to buy two when your eldest self-funded. The age gap isn’t that big so circumstances aren’t going to be wildly different.

I am one of six children and when my mum and dad had the older ones they were very poor, had more money around the middle and then by the time I was born poor again. We were all treated the same in terms of big things like cars and I think it’s saved a lot of arguments and is probably one of the reasons we all get on pretty well.

My dad did teach us all to drive with the exception of me because I was so shit I needed actual lessons, but I paid for them myself.

No I don’t think you can do this unless something massive has happening in the mean time but then I also think you would need to give the equivalent to the eldest child to use towards whatever they wanted. It’s not like the £10k was a life changing amount.

If she’d won £100,000 then not unreasonable to buy them equivalent cars of her run around or top up their £8k a bit.

£10,000 is a good sum of money but hardly life changing. You could get an ok second hand car for that but nothing special. Would be the same if one of the other kids gets a good bonus when they start working. Treat them fairly.

If you buy your younger children cars, you should give an equivalent amount of money to your eldest. If you can’t afford the money for 3, you need to give all 3 less money.

God I wish they still did CTFs when my 11yr old was a baby. Would’ve been amazing for her :(

I think you’re forgetting that you did buy DD a car because you saved 8k for her. The same as you have the others.

In giving the others 8k they can buy a car too. 8k is a lot it just be handed.

I don’t really see why you need to spend more money on the others because your DD won the lottery. I think that’s quite unfair. You’re better off saving the money for if any of them need help with a house or a wedding.

I don’t think you always need to spend the same amounts on DC overall. People’s financial situations change and different people have different needs.

My parents helped my brother to buy his other half out of their house when his relationship collapsed. I don’t feel like I’m owned the same amount of money that they gave him. I’m happy that they could help and that he got to keep the house.

They already have the money there, let them use it! They will still have a good little chunk left, as did DD. They dont need you to contribute so save your money for something else, maybe contributions towards house deposits.

But what else could they have done? If the money wasn’t there when it came to you.

Yes, DD1 works full time and actually earns more than me, DSD and DS are both still at college but have part time jobs.