AIBU to buy younger children cars when eldest did not get one?

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My DD is 20. I’d saved £8k in her CTF which she got when she turned 18, she’d used £3.5k of that to buy a little run around car, then a few months later won £10k on the lottery, so bought herself a better car.

my DSD is turning 18 in a few months, and my younger DS in a years time. They will both have £8k in their CTF’s, same as older DD. DH and I have been talking about buying a little run around car each for DSD and younger DS given that older DD got a leg up money wise with her lottery win and was able to buy herself a car, but I’m not sure if older DD will feel like we’ve given the younger 2 something that she didn’t have.

we are not rolling in money and have to save hard for any big purchases. DH and I had quite different upbringings - I had to pay for every driving lesson, test, buy my first car, pay for the insurance etc alone, whereas DH had everything paid for him. I feel that buying DSD and DS a car is something that I never had and would love to do for our children, and DD had a lottery win so although we were not in a position to buy her a car, she was lucky enough to buy herself one with her lottery win.

are we being unreasonable to buy the younger 2 cars when we were not able to do the same for older DD?

Thank you all for your insights. It’s as I thought it would be really. I guess my dream was always to do for the children things that I wasn’t able to have, such as buying cars. We live rurally so they do need cars really. I have thought about saving up again and giving DD1 her £3.5k back for her first car.

You're posting like they are both hard done by. They are each being gifted 8,000 pounds that's more than enough for them to buy and insure a car.

I guess my dream was always to do for the children things that I wasn’t able to have, such as buying cars.

You've managed to do that. They each have 8k to use in a way that will give them things you might not have had. Like a car, travel or house deposit.

My younger sibling got given a car when the rest of us didn’t. No one cared! I spend different amounts on my own kids according to their needs. I’m not going to give money to one kid who doesn’t need it just because I gave that amount to another.

It would be very hurtful of you to give your ‘new’ children something that you made your child from a previous relationship buy for herself. You treat them all the same or you set yourself up for resentment and hurt.

If you really wanted to do this you should have made sure you were in a position to even it up by giving dd1 her own money back.

Buy the two younger ones a lottery ticket each and let them use their CTF to buy a car.

If you give any money towards or for a car to the younger two, I think you should offer the same amount to the eldest, as presumably you weren’t able to contribute to a car for her at the time. Her luck with the lottery is immaterial. It’ll be very divisive, if they’re treated differently, especially with a step-sibling in the mix.

Not done it for him when they knew they wouldn't be able to for me? Or given him half and given me the same? Nothing changed job wise or finances wise between the two periods of us learning to drive. They saved up for him so should have been trying to do the same for me. One of many occasions where they treated us very differently

DD1 and DS are both mine from a previous relationship, DH was a single dad when we met as his wife died of cancer when DSD was 11months old. I am most definitely not treating any of them differently based on who their parents are.

How much would you be giving the two youngest between them? Why not divide that amount by 3?

£3.5k each which is the same as DD1 spent on her first car.

We just bought DS 17 a car (although DD can use it when home from Uni) and as he hasn't got his test booked until December she will be using it more than him
DD didn't get a car and has whinged a bit but she was at home for a gap year post A levels and at that time mine and DH's working patterns meant that 99% of the time there was a car here she could use. Then in her 1st Uni year she wasn't allowed to park a car on campus. Plus she had another £6000 spent on a couple of things during her gap year (addditional qualifications and dental work)
If DH gets a new car next year we have said she can have his old one and as for DS we will review the situation when we see which Uni etc he is going to next year. If she still lives at home he will be saving us £10000 a year in rent

No, you can’t do that. Either gift all three the same amount of money or don’t give anyone anything.

Talk to your eldest and see how she would feel if you were to buy the younger two cars.

There are lots of different ways to view gifts of money; equality of cash sum; equality of adjusted sum, taking inflation into account; equality of percentage of your savings given to each one... the context in which you are giving money changes. I think the best way is almost always to be open and honest with everyone about how you are trying to do a good thing and you want to be fair. See if you can all agree as to what that looks like

DH and I have been talking about buying a little run around car each for DSD and younger DS given that older DD got a leg up money wise with her lottery win

This is the wrong approach.
It is not up to you to even things out or make sure they all end up in the same position. It is wrong to give the younger two more just because the elder one got some money from elsewhere. That will just breed resentment. It is fundamentally unfair.
What if one of them get a highly paid job, or marries into money - will you feel the urge to give the others more to 'even it out' ? That is so wrong.

What you should do is always give them all exactly the same amount.

I have thought about saving up again and giving DD1 her £3.5k back for her first car.
If you give DD1 another £3.5k, you will need to give each of the other two another £3.5k, on top of the £8k.
But you don't have £10.5k to give (3 x £3.5k). So you should absolutely not do this for DD1.
Don't give any of them any money until you have saved up three lots, then give them exactly the same each.

my dream was always to do for the children things that I wasn’t able to have, such as buying cars.
You are hung up on the symbolism of buying cars. What if one of them goes to live in a city centre and doesn't want or need a car, but does need the extra cash? It is not for you to decide what they need or want.
Do you feel the same about paying for weddings? What if one wants a huge wedding but another stays single?

Don't give any of them any money until you have saved up three lots, then give them the same each.

This. I would feel put out i think about your reasons. If you had won a significant amount of money, say a million, then u might up the budget and give your older daughter the difference. 8k is still a nice gift.

No, it would be really unfair.

They have 8k which is ample. You’be obviously added to their child trust funds, and enabled them to buy a car. So you have done what your parents couldn’t do for you, which is what you want.

Gifting the two youngest 3.5k each is unnecessary. They can buy a decent car with 8k. Take the 7k and split it 3 ways, give equally.

This is an equality Vs equity situation. You treat them equally and do them same as you did for the eldest or you treat them with equity and give them more help to get the nicer car your eldest was able to buy due to their windfall.

I would probably go with something in the middle and top up their car funds a little bit so they can get a slightly newer car. I would let your eldest know what you are doing and why.

I am one of three and my parents haven't treated us equally but they have supported all of our needs as they have arisen. You will probably find over the next 5+ years what each child needs from you differs and you can tie yourself up in knots trying to make every transaction equal or you can say to them. I will do my best to be fair and offer support that is appropriate and necessary. Keep a mental checklist to ensure it roughly averages out over the years.

That is neither equal nor fair though. Unless you’re giving your eldest the equivalent now you can afford to do so.

I don’t think as parents we need to match what’s given, penny for penny. But in terms of giving one dc a leg up in life and not the other, things like house deposits and cars, etc… I don’t think we can give one dc and not another.

It feels so shit. I'm sorry.

But that was her money, not a gift from you. So could you afford to give them all 2.5K each? That would be fair.

Good to hear, I apologise for my assumption.

Either way my point still stands. You can’t give children different amounts and expect the one who was given less not to feel hurt.

You need to treat them equally. That lottery win is irrelevant. This maybe a controversial opinion but I think if you live rurally - especially if there isn’t reliable public transport! - you should pay for lesson and cars for them all.

I'd treat them all the same, they can buy a small run around if that is their priority.

Honestly let them buy their own cars if they want cars, your eldest had a stroke of luck but you don't have to compensate your other children, they can find their own way.