AIBU to buy younger children cars when eldest did not get one?

[CoffeeRevelsfan]

My DD is 20. I’d saved £8k in her CTF which she got when she turned 18, she’d used £3.5k of that to buy a little run around car, then a few months later won £10k on the lottery, so bought herself a better car.

my DSD is turning 18 in a few months, and my younger DS in a years time. They will both have £8k in their CTF’s, same as older DD. DH and I have been talking about buying a little run around car each for DSD and younger DS given that older DD got a leg up money wise with her lottery win and was able to buy herself a car, but I’m not sure if older DD will feel like we’ve given the younger 2 something that she didn’t have.

we are not rolling in money and have to save hard for any big purchases. DH and I had quite different upbringings - I had to pay for every driving lesson, test, buy my first car, pay for the insurance etc alone, whereas DH had everything paid for him. I feel that buying DSD and DS a car is something that I never had and would love to do for our children, and DD had a lottery win so although we were not in a position to buy her a car, she was lucky enough to buy herself one with her lottery win.

are we being unreasonable to buy the younger 2 cars when we were not able to do the same for older DD?

If you can give dd1 the same go ahead. But best be careful about treating each other differently due to good fortune. What if one of them marries into money? Less entitled to inheritance?

As the child that got treated differently. Treat them equally. It will get noticed and it will get remembered. Believe me

Totally not getting it. They each have the same money. Why are you saying they’ll be hard done by?

I think 8k is quite enough to play with at that age.

When i was 18 i was in a car accident, i pursued an injury claim which took about 4 years to resolve. In that time my mum bought me and my brother our first car which was of equal value (it was a gift) When I got my payout of 10k my mother demanded I give her the money for my car back along with some other bits she had paid for, I had to handover over half my payout. She never expected my brother to give her a penny. Im in my 40s now and there have been so many examples of her favouring my brother.
I've never forgiven her.
Treat them the same.

I’ve got a huge age gap between my youngest and oldest so what I can provide for my younger children may be very different from my older children, my parents had me quite young and were not able to provide me with much financially as a young adult but I’m very grateful for having that extra 20 years with them, it’s all swings and roundabouts

Trust me, if you do this your eldest daughter will always remember and it hurts deeply. Don't do it. You may not see it as favouritism but that's what it feels like. You're also setting up for bad feeling/resentment between the siblings.
Just treat them the same.

I used to find that my parents treated things I had done things to gain as "just a bit of luck" and then tried to "equalise" by giving my younger brother the same. It made me feel pretty rubbish in all honesty, because it felt like an excuse to give my brother things there was no way they'd have got me.

Although tbf I'm not talking about winning the lottery, it was more working out who I needed to speak to to get something, speaking to them, working it out with them etc. So I didn't feel it was "just lucky" which is what they said, I'd often worked quite hard to get it, and to see him just get it without doing anything was hurtful

As others have said, the lottery win is completely irrelevant.

Regardless of what happens now, if you help with your other children with their cars, then the eldest will feel resentment for sharing the news of her lottery win. If you don't help your other children, then they will feel resentment.

I reckon if good fortune continues to find your eldest, she is going to keep quiet about it, which is what she will now learn that's what she should have done in the first place.

What are you going to do when they start earning different amounts, if one of them has a richer partner, if one gets a bonus at work?

It's right that they get the same support and opportunities from their parents, but also learn that life isn't always fair and some people will have more luck than others.

I do think it's best to treat all children equally. But it is very understandable that at different times of life you can just afford more or less.
It's a lovely generous gesture to want to buy their first car. I do think if you do so for child 2 and 3, you should approach your child 1 with an equivalent £ cheque and a heartfelt explanation about how you wish you could do this for her at 18 and are so proud of all she's accomplished.

So older one used ctf to buy herself a car. Younger two get 8k and you will buy car on top? Why cant they use some of their 8k?

You need to treat them all the same.

Just put savings in a savings account and keep moving to good deals.

I treated both my DC very differently but they both understand why (14 year age gap). I don't think id treat your children differently.

Yeah my youngest got a car and the other 2 didn't. Difference was his dad contributed to it, unlike the elder ones dad

So, because cars lose value, no-one should ever buy one at all because apparently its a terrible financial decision? What strange logic to have, totally ignoring the purpose and uses for cars.

No. If they want to spend some/all of their £8k on a car, they will.

You would be unreasonable trying to manipulate the situation now.

By unnecessarily taking into account and considering the lottery win, you've just introduced a valid life-long lesson to all your children (especially the oldest), not to disclose their financial details to anyone especially your own family.

Moving forward, it won't be surprising when they're older, get jobs and get married, that they'll keep their financial affairs private from you and each other.

The CTF did not provide £8k, it gave them £250 from government then was supposed to top up another £250 when they were about 6 or 7 but the second payment did not happen as they stopped doing them, so my DS got £250 and I changed my DS' to a Junior ISA ince they stopped the CTFs - he had just over £10k once he turned 18 but that was because £45 a month was put in since he was about 6 months old by 2 sets of grandparents.

I opend a junior ISA for my daughter when she was born but only £20 a month was paid into it by one set of grandparents, I also add to it, but didn't for my son. I'm hoping to ensure she has £10k when she turns 18 (she's 11 now)

You can definately start saving now for your 11 year old

Even though they are quite close age, you might want to consider at least increasing the £8k by inflation.

Treat them all the same. Her lottery win was a bonus. Yes the odds aren’t high but what if the younger ones also won the same amount? And you’d given them a leg up, it wouldn’t be fair. Same argument transfers to when they’ll all be warming when they are in their 20’s. It’ll all be different, so a never ending issue

Personally I’d say you need to be fair. They can buy a car out of their money if they want to.

Cars are expensive to maintain and run, now more than ever. Maybe they’d prefer not to have one? Or if they’re both living at home they might want to share one or just borrow a parent’s car occasionally and use an alternative form of transport when one isn’t available?

I think this is fairest. If you can save £7k to split between the 2 you get then just split that in 3. So around £2300 each. The younger two get a big contribution to their cars and it’s all fair.

God no please don't do this. My parents bought my sister a car for her 21st birthday, I already had my own car at 21 so they paid for my insurance, MOT and tax for 3 years (which was the same cost as the car they bought for my sister). If you want to do it then I'd suggest doing something like this so it's fair to all 4 children. You can't be leaving one out like that even if she did win the lottery.