AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

[gimmeshelta]

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

this! living with someone who screams at you and refuses you privacy is probably a huge exacerbator of your stress, if not the main reason for it in the first place!

You can't stay with him, OP.

Oh op how awful you need to tell him you done it by mistake but you are no longer willing to do what he has asked of you. You are a grown up. Also I would suggest counselling this can be a safe and non judgmental place. You have every right to privacy and he’s controlling you this is not acceptable if he has insecurity issues this is on him. Please always lock the door you’re not a child. It’s not about you doing any harm it’s him wanting you to do as you are told. Don’t put up with this crap.

Poor Op, he's doing a number on you, making every tiny thing his decision not yours. You have PTSD, that makes you more vulnerable and men like your Husband like that, if you're already more fragile it makes it easier to make you his victim, the woman he controls and abuses.
Run Op, run away

Exactly what I was going to say after reading the OP.

this is NOT normal. It’s abusive and controlling.

OP you really need to GET OUT of this awful relationship.

Neither me or DH have ever locked the bathroom door in 46 years of marriage. Just do not see the need.

This is deeply disturbing, controlling, prurient and screams of a fetish for perverted surveillance. I have zero doubt he’s a controlling domineering arse. I say that from bitter experience.

I'm not surprised you're under stress. You're living with a controlling abuser. Refusing a person privacy for anything, but especially bodily functions is pretty hard core abuse.

Tell him you have decided to lock the door as you are entitled to privacy
If he yells or spases out prehaps he needs seen with his underlying issue whatever that is.
I hope you both have good outside support because it must be difficult for you.
Yelling is probably heightening your ptsd? Stop that as an accepted behaviour from him.
No one has acess to us 24/7 of we choose not too.

Call the police.

That works for you and your DH but the OP wants privacy which is her right .

He sounds vile and controlling and the fact that he cannot even conjure up a sensible and rational reason for you to lock the door confirms that. He wants you to do as you are told.

My darling, your mental health will not improve in this relationship.
Every person, married or unmarried, is entitled to privacy. The fact he doesn't even respect your need for space, is awful.
I hope you'll be free of him soon, otherwise he'll ruin you completely.

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door.

He made you promise - how did he make you do this? Are you not able to safely say no to him?

Definitely ring Women's Aid.

If you get rid of your husband, I suspect a lot of your anxieties will go with him. He sounds horrible. Honestly. I’d bet you’d feel 5 stones lighter without him breathing down your neck.

If you’re suffering from trauma, it sounds like he will retraumatise you. You’re absolutely entitled to lock the bathroom door on him. He sounds very problematic. Do you have children together?

So he has given you a clear and direct order to not lock the door.
He offers no reason for his order. When you inadvertent locked the door he reacted in a very extreme way.
This is abuse. LTB

This! We are all entitled to our privacy, especially in the loo!

OP this is not about whether you lock that door or not, its about control. And he wants that control.

What do you know about domestic abuse, or abusive behaviour?

No wonder you have ptsd. Does he look at your internet history?

Ever adult I know, whether they are in a relationship or not, lock their doors when going to the loo. Its normal. What your DH is saying and doing is not normal. He wants to control you and mess with your head, he is gaslighting you into believing you are wrong, and he is right.

I would take a closer look at his actions and make an exit plan form this marriage.

He's nasty and this isn't going to change.

I think you need to leave him.

This is domestic abuse. No wonder you have PTSD. Contact Women's Aid or the National Domestic Abuse helpline.

Do you have ptsd and need a ‘safe space’?

So what? OP does. She wants privacy. Her husband wants to remove her right to it.

So he's playing you and playing with you. Locking the bathroom door is a non issue, which he has made an issue and escalated by saying oh you said you wouldn't. Tell him to do one and I bet you will be amazed by how much better you feel. Life is too short to subject yourself to someone so toxic.

He just sounds worse. Please consider leaving this wanker

Well that's just fine and dandy - if you are both happy with it. The OP is not, so it's not fine and dandy for her.