AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

[gimmeshelta]

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

He is a controlling fuck.

"His issue is that I agreed not to lock the bathroom door and then did. He said I should have told him then and there that I would not be locking the door. Because now I’ve betrayed his trust."

he has betrayed your trust by being an arse!

gimmeshelta

He wants you to have sex so he plays better?

Where did you find this prince!!

He sounds like cock.

I've only read your replied. And from those it's very clear you are in an abusive controlling relationship. Leave. It will not ever get better.

OP - do you want this to be your life story?
’ Yes, I’m 96, married for 60 years to a controlling abusive fuckwit. Ah well…’

Something I’ve learned from the past 2+ years recovering / extricating myself from a sexually abusive relationship is that women with severe trauma in their lives send out some kind of bat signal to predatory manipulative men who ‘rescue’ us and give us ‘stability’ via controlling us. We feel safe and stable because they’re very rule driven. But they’re attracted to our weakness and chaos. Get as far away as you can.

He's abusive, you have every right to your privacy, furthermore he's incapable of reasoned discussion and prefers to shout and scream? As Mn often says, read your post back as if someone was asking your advice, what would you say?

He is an abuser and is controlling you.. 💯 percent. This is not acceptable behaviour in 2026. "I am Nicola" with Vicki McClure might be worth watching..itv player I think..he's definitely well out of order. All that shouting at you when you have PTSD. U probably would find u have a lot better mentwl health away from him.

How long have you been together? Has he always been like this, I bet he has other “rules” that he makes you follow even if you are unaware they are a rule. He is abusing you, I know that is hard to hear and many people don’t realise abuse isn’t just the physical kind - control, gaslighting, silent treatment, monitoring your movements, lack of privacy are all abusive. You do not have to put up with this, you do not have to remember silly “rules” you are an adult with your own mind and can decide for yourself how you want to live.

I'm so sorry, my ex was like this. One of the reasons he would be mad with me for locking the door was because if I locked the door, he couldn't invite himself in to my shower to grope and paw at me. A man who doesn't allow you any physical privacy is not a man worth having... The fact that he complains about sex is also very concerning. Is he quite manipulative and sulky about this?

Wow that's controlling and abusive he doesn't give a shit about u !! If he did he would let u be, and be supportive of anything that made u feel safe !
Absolute wanker sorry if that's rude but I can't understand why your putting up with this x

What a weirdo.

I paused half way through your post, where you said " DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough" - thats bollocks.

The rest of it is just sheer manipulation. Of course you can lock your bathroom door if you like. He is absolutely not to demand you keep it unlocked.

Why did you ever agree to that the first time he said it? I'd think my DH had gone mad if he started saying things like that!

How is your relationship generally? He sounds awful, honestly.

Dear God - you're married to an absolute cunt.

If schools aren't teaching pupils the importance of bodily autonomy for everyone regardless of relationship status, they should be. Some of the posts on this thread are truly chilling.

I bet this is just the tip of the abusive iceberg. You're like the frog that's just realised they're sat in a pan of boiling water.

Has he always wanted the door left unlocked? That is NOT a reasonable request. Everyone is entitled to privacy.

The sex stuff you've added in further comments demonstrates this.

I would bet my first born child that if you weren't living with him your mental health would be SOO much better.

You are in an abusive relationship. You need to make a plan to leave safely.

In the immediate, are you both still at home together? Could you leave the house safely and go somewhere else for the night?

Jesus. Your vagina is not a public convenience to be used by your husband when he feels like it. He is treating you like an object if he wants to have sex to improve his football results.

I think it is no surprise that you are a woman with mental health problems with this kind of controlling husband. I bet if you sat down and started thinking about it there would be lots of examples of him treating you badly, exploding eith rage for small things, controlling things that seem small and innocuous.

You don't have to tell us. But please contact a woman's charity

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

08082000247

He’s horrible.

He sounds vile. The fact that when you asked why he was upset at you locking the door and his response was that because he’d told you not to is all you need to know. He does not seem to care about you at all. It is very weird to make people feel uncomfortable about locking the bathroom door. Honestly op, no wonder your mental health is not good. He is a major factor. Start making plans to leave. You deserve better.

LTB - you are in a seriously emotionally abusive marriage! Your mental health will miraculously improve when you are rid of him! Please speak to womens aid ❤️

It is hard to believe this is real. Seriously OP why are you still with this absolute knob of a man.

You're in this state because you're living with an abusive man. It's not about the bathroom door - he just wants you to do as you're told. If it wasn't locking the bathroom door it would be coming straight home from work without stopping off at the supermarket or wearing perfume/makeup to work.

He's an abusive dictatorial arsehole.... and a bully.

Everyone is entitled to privacy, especially in the bathroom.

Tell him to get to fuck.

It makes me so sad that in this modern age, in a developed country, there are women who feel their choices are still so limited that they have to live like this.

No one has a right to see you in the shower or on the toilet. OP do you realise how abnormal this is? Please tell me there aren’t children growing up in this dysfunctional environment.

Divorce your abusive husband.

Its normal to want to poop or shower with a door locked.

And while id understand if there was a self harm risk or medical reason (I had heatstroke living at my parents once and agreed for 48hrs not to lock the bathroom door in case i had a funny turn) otherwise its your choice

He doesnt have a reason for wanting this so its just a control measure. Id seriously consider leaving in case his behaviour escalates