AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

[gimmeshelta]

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

Are you physically safe? Or have any reason to believe he’d harm you?

If he’s not prone to physical threats or intimidation I think you should start pushing back.

”That’s a strange request and I’m not comfortable with it unless you have a valid reason.”

”I’m your partner, not your child. Where does this idea that I should obey you even when it makes me uncomfortable come from?”

This is abusive OP. Do you have a good friend or a family member that you can confide him? It's not ok and not normal for someone in a relationship with someone else to behave in such a controlling way, nor is it ok or normal to scream at their loved one. Please find some support, either in real life or online. You are worth so much more than this x

You know you need to leave him

Why shouldn't she post about it if she wants to?
It sounds like she is coming to terms and adding up the behaviour and very much wants to tell someone. If it is helping her realise that she's not over reacting that his behaviour is not normal, then why shouldn't she?

So you are not only not allowed to lock the toilet door but you aren't even allowed to shut it? Your husband is trying to humiliate you by exposing you when you are on the toilet. He's an abusive controlling pervert.

So….. when are you filing for divorce?

"I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”"

Why are you policing OP on her own thread? OP should be able to post as many times as she wants to provide further information or clarification.There is value in her adding more examples of his abusive behaviour as she might not have anyone to speak to about this irl and it's probably quite cathartic for her to confide in complete strangers.

Sounds like he thinks he's entitled to your body in any way he wants. And he's making sure you font even have physical privacy. I do think thats a good reason to split up.

Abusive and controlling. LTB

Throw the whole man out

Good grief, this man is an abusive prick!

Leave him and your ptsd will improve

We don't lock the bathroom door because neither of us would intrude on the other's privacy. As others have said, you need to rethink your relationship.

"DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough"

I'm thinking, your mental health issues are more likely due to him being a controlling b@stard!

What would he have done if you had stood your ground? Is it possible you relented because you feared his reaction?

You seem to need those locks because he doesn't respect your boundaries and you struggle with setting them so you need those that are physical. If he's unwilling to understand or unable to feel compassion or you feel unsafe around him then this relationship is not good for you.

I rarely comment but this is an awful read. I really hope you're reading all these comments and able to take it all in that his behaviour is appalling and wrong. You DO NOT DESERVE this treatment.

So coercively abusive.
This is a women's aid and absolutely a police matter.
He sounds unhinged and dangerous.
You need advice and support.
This is not normal at all.

Page after page telling the OP he’s abusive but not even an acknowledgment of this by OP.

Oh I’m so sorry OP. Your first post was bad and your updates have made it worse. Be clear about this: he is emotionally abusive.

The initial demand to not lock the door is oddly controlling in and of itself, his reaction to you doing so is another level. The fact you are unsure if you are being unreasonable shows how far off your perception of normal healthy relationships has been manipulated.

Take a good look at the rest of your relationship for signs of control too.

Be very careful if you do decide to leave. Controlling men are the most likely to k*ll their partners during or after a split, even if there has been zero violence up to that point.

This Isn’t ok - you are entitled to lock the door if you wish.
If I were you I’d suggest talking this issue through with a third party, I suspect he knows what he is asking of you isn’t reasonable but if he doesn’t know, maybe hearing it from a third party would help.
I do suspect he is contributing to your poor mental health though, you deserve so much more than being controlled like this.
I know it’s scary and unknown but life is too short to waste. Be brave and start a new life free from control.

Your husband is abusive, controlling and likely a key reason you are stressed. I would suggest you approach citizens advice whk can put yoh in touch with a local women's support group.

Fully agree with the above ⬆️

What a horrible man.

Fuck him off; if you’ve no history of self harm he’s being controlling.

I could not live like that . Leave him he sounds absolutely awful.