Neighbour calls at 8:30 am on Saturday to tell me she is stressed?

[Kate011]

And by neighbour I mean lady in my building two floors above me. Who says hi and stops to make small talk/chat with me sometimes.

I answer phone call at 8:30 am because I think it’s an emergency.

she starts telling me how she’s under a lot of stress right now because she lost her keys?

I ask if she wants me to let her in building, she says no, she’s in her flat, she had spare key to her flat and someone let her in building.

and asks me if Tesco does copies? (Tesco is like 3 minutes away by bus) And where she can get replacement?

I tell her council does replacements as it’s a council building. she then asks how to contact council to get replacement.

She knows I rent privately in this building from private landlord so don’t have contact with council and been living here much, much less than she did? So how would I know?

she lived in building 16 years, how does she not know how to contact the council about lost keys?

and what does she expect me to do?

Or was she expecting me to offer one of our keys while she waits for council key replacement??

She keeps ranting and complaining about how she’s so annoyed.

She has a close couple friend living in the building. They always hang out together.

why not call and tell them this?

she also has a daughter and two 18 year old grandkids who she says are super close to her living nearby.

she told me she has so many friends. Why contact me this early out of all people??

sometime ago I remember she knocked on January 1st on my door asking if my daughter can help connect her to/figure out her problem with her tv. I barely knew her then.

another time she kept complaining how she has no heating nearly all winter and doesn’t know how to complain to the council repair team. And asked if I knew how to. When she asked I suggested she ask her daughter for help she said “oh I don’t want to bother people, they have their own lives and problems” .

but calling at 8:30 on Saturday is bit ridiculous no?

Just block them and move on. You can find a better tribe than these peopke.

So the OP has already been good enough to give lifts, which means she's now on call for the slightest minor problem?

Time to nip this in the bud.

How's she got your phone number ?
Log her number in your phone as mental neighbour and don't answer next time,or better still block her number

now way I am giving my number to anyone just cause of emergencies … ask neighbours to set up what’s app groups to help each other

But this IS the OP's neighbour. If she sets up a WhatsApp group for the neighbours, surely OP will be on it?

She said lets exchange phone numbers in case of emergencies

And now block it. End of early morning calls.

You know she doesn't use in for emergencies. Block her.

Sounds as if she panicked and was scared about getting locked out again. Is there a caretaker or maintenance dept in the building or a procedure to follow if someone loses their keys? As it was a weekend maybe more difficult to contact Council. If getting in the building is a problem maybe offer just once to let her in after she goes to Tesco or wherever to get duplicates. That's it.

There appears to be something about your demeanour that attracts this behaviour. I would have a think about what this could be and make a few changes. Maybe be a little more direct and less apologetic when turning down CF requests - and rejecting more initial requests before they ramp up into complete unreasonableness. If you have bent over backwards before, people are more likely to find it unacceptable if you won’t do it again and even bad mouth you - in their eyes you ‘let them down’ in comparison to their expectations - it’s human nature.
In this instance, ‘No, I can’t, I don’t have any keys not already in use’. (No ‘sorry but’, no ‘I’m afraid that’…)
And the first time she called at 8:30 don’t get into the debate about the issue and listening about how she is stressed - cut it all short. She called at an unreasonable time on a number given to her for a building emergency. ‘Do you need my help to get in the building? No? Ok that’s good at least. Now, to be honest you’ve called me at a bad time and I’ve got to go…’. How do I get a new key? Hmm, I don’t know either’. Offering up any suggestion to ask x or that she should contact the council gives her an ‘in’ to tell you why x can’t help or to make another demand about how to contact the council. Just practice shutting it all down for a while.

She was 13 having her daughter and her daughter was 13 having her 2 children?!

That’s what she told me yes

but I could be remembering wrong, maybe the boys were 16.

At 8:30am on a Saturday the only people I’m in community with are my immediate family, and maybe someone in a genuine emergency. I don’t think that makes me a bad person or anti social, I think it’s just normal.

Just save her number under do not answer . She will get bored of trying and move on to someone else .

OP there are clearly two issues here.

The first is you have a neighbour who has no social skills and is a bit weird. Maybe she's very low intelligence. Maybe she has MH issues. Because she doesn't appreciate boundaries. She's deranged so accept that.

Stop expecting her to change. YOU need to change. Be less available. If it arises, tell her politely and kindly that you cannot do XYZ and you aren't there as support when she also has a family.

The second is that somehow you have given the impression to a number of people that you are available- for whatever the want to ask. You've said people say you are too nice.

I don't know you- maybe you are bubbly, outgoing, chatty- who knows. But there is something about you which means people feel ok about asking for unreasonable favours. Maybe you strike up a type of friendship which they think means you are there for them and will do them favours.
And also they think they can be rude to you when you say no.

People who kick doors when they aren't happy are not behaving normally. That's a reportable offence. So, unfortunately you seem to live in a 'rough' block of flats with a lot of anti social behaviour.

But when it comes to friends of family etc, there must be something about how you behave that makes them think you are a soft touch. If this happens a lot it's not all THEM, it's you too.

I'd suggest you think very hard about how you relate to people and if there is something in your manner that projects more intimacy and care than is the case.

If you draw a blank, then you need to change your friends and acquaintances. And if they ask unreasonable favours, dont just apolgise, but tell them politely they are asking something that is unreasonable.

I would've waited longer to contact someone about a non-emergency on a weekend morning, but 8:30 doesn't strike me as particularly early, tbh.

That aside, I'd be less helpful. Tell her you don't know and say you have to go back to bed. Tell her she woke you and you would rather not be contacted before X o'clock in future. She'll think you're impolite, but that's probably the fastest way to get her to back off and stop asking you for things, which seems to be the goal, anyway.

This I have my phone on at night because there is one person who might need to contact me. Anybody else and I don't answer. I belive there is a setting that will only let your phone ring for certain numbers but I have never bothered with it

People in this building very frequently lose or forget their keys. Including myself.

they either wait for someone to come open door (it’s usually few minutes till someone appears as people are always entering or leaving) or they ring someone’s flat and someone will buzz them in.

she said the back door was broken and open that’s how she got in.

she also has close friends in building she can ring.

I would not mind if she called at least an hour later and said can you open door for me if I ring as I’m scared I’ll be locked out.

OP, honestly this is a you problem and if you don't like it you need to sort it.

Why did you give her your phone number? I don’t give mine to any of my neighbours . Only to people if I don’t mind hearing from them..I don’t ‘chat’ on the phone. There has to be an emergency / good reason

you frequently lose your keys?

she said let’s exchange phone numbers in case of emergency

OP you have spent 6 hours here moaning about this event. what is that achieving? It's a lovely day- go for a walk and work off your anger.

Your neighbour is clearly odd but at the same time you give the vibes that you are there to help (and not just with your neighbour.)

Learn to set boundaries and accept you are part of the problem- not so much maybe with your weird neighbours but other people in your life.

i just really don’t want to be rude or upset someone especially if person seems nice

I also really don’t mind helping others, but lately I had people making unreasonable demands and get angry if I don’t when I genuinely couldn’t help I am starting to feel used.

I know, I’m a huge push over.

If she is 45 and has a grandchild 18, she and her daughter/ son would have had a child at 16 (each) and that would make her 50.

Read my longer post for you, 10 minutes ago.

If you let someone talk to you for 8 hours and couldn't find a reason to ask them to leave, you have a boundary problem.