Neighbour calls at 8:30 am on Saturday to tell me she is stressed?

[Kate011]

And by neighbour I mean lady in my building two floors above me. Who says hi and stops to make small talk/chat with me sometimes.

I answer phone call at 8:30 am because I think it’s an emergency.

she starts telling me how she’s under a lot of stress right now because she lost her keys?

I ask if she wants me to let her in building, she says no, she’s in her flat, she had spare key to her flat and someone let her in building.

and asks me if Tesco does copies? (Tesco is like 3 minutes away by bus) And where she can get replacement?

I tell her council does replacements as it’s a council building. she then asks how to contact council to get replacement.

She knows I rent privately in this building from private landlord so don’t have contact with council and been living here much, much less than she did? So how would I know?

she lived in building 16 years, how does she not know how to contact the council about lost keys?

and what does she expect me to do?

Or was she expecting me to offer one of our keys while she waits for council key replacement??

She keeps ranting and complaining about how she’s so annoyed.

She has a close couple friend living in the building. They always hang out together.

why not call and tell them this?

she also has a daughter and two 18 year old grandkids who she says are super close to her living nearby.

she told me she has so many friends. Why contact me this early out of all people??

sometime ago I remember she knocked on January 1st on my door asking if my daughter can help connect her to/figure out her problem with her tv. I barely knew her then.

another time she kept complaining how she has no heating nearly all winter and doesn’t know how to complain to the council repair team. And asked if I knew how to. When she asked I suggested she ask her daughter for help she said “oh I don’t want to bother people, they have their own lives and problems” .

but calling at 8:30 on Saturday is bit ridiculous no?

Manipulative people will pick out people they think they can exploit.
They will make you feel guilty. Or feel slightly threatened by them.
You have to keep communications short, brief and to the point. No explaining. No lifts, nothing. Keep them at a distance.
And care not a jot what they think of you.

Sad that the OP can't see that this is not normal behaviour and can't make an allowance for someone who reached out to her once even if it was inappropriate.

There are two ways of reacting to this- getting mad and ranting for hours, prolonging the event, or shrugging it off as someone who was annoying but who may not be very bright, has poor judgement and reached out to the wrongperson.

She's making it all worse by spending the day reliving it.

Far better to move on and (literally) MOVE if she's privately renting in a block where most tenants aren't and appear to have poor social skills.

You’re too nice. Sounds silly but it’s definitely possible to be too nice. You’ve let people take advantage of you so much that they now expect it.

See my first post a page or two back and practise simply saying No.

So say: "No, I need my keys and I don't appreciate being called at 8.30am on a weekend about this. Get your family to help if you're stressed. I have too much to do and can't help you. Only ever call me in a genuine emergency. Thank you."

No point stewing and ranting. Be firm and clear then stop engaging with her.

I've totally met people like this - they want someone to organise their life for them, to help them out with every perceived drama and it will only get worse from there. I had neighbours I felt sorry for, I was aware that I was a lot better off than them. I gave them some things I knew they needed. I went out of my way to chat to them. I was asked for a lift to a job interview, which I agreed to but was then left hanging around (and late for work) while they sorted themselves out. Then they wanted to borrow my internet connection for a couple of days to do some job training - I noticed a week later that they were still using it and had every device under the sun connected to my router.

Then it was money for tobacco. Then it was money for rent. Then it was getting nasty because I changed the router password and refused to lend money.

There are people in the world who genuinely need a bit of help sometimes, who would never take more than they needed and would respect personal boundaries. And then there are people like OP's neighbours - and mine - who will lean on you, take everything they can and have their hand out for more. These people I keep firmly at arm's length now.

Reach out when you need help - yes. When something is seriously wrong, if you're depressed, if you're desperately lonely. Reach out - to your friends and family.

Surely we don't need to "reach out" because we were locked out, but now aren't, and because we can't be arsed to Google "key cutters locally"? And to a virtual stranger?

Exactly.

Once? Reached out once?

I have helped her many times before. I have given her lifts.

she asked me to loan her friends money. People I have never met!

Keep a note of her number and dont answer again x

Being a cheeky fucker isn't an "issue". The woman has family and multiple friends, including friends in the same building. She barely knows OP. People who have issues and need to reach out have multiple channels (including a council support service and a housing officer in this case) that don't involve a practical stranger in the building. Sounds like @Kate011 has issues of her own and could use support to not be a doormat or be guilted into helping all and sundry.

Make a decision. Say no. Block her. Move on.

You’re not serious?

I’d find it weird for a friend to text me about something that’s bothering them instead of phoning me for a chat, to be honest. Texting is so impersonal and unfriendly.

There are any number of reasons why someone might not be up at 8.30 on a Saturday. They might have been up all night with small kids/an elderly relative and trying to grab a few zeds while they can, a late night out on the Friday, also some people have sleeping difficulties and the weekend is the only time they are actually able to get enough sleep. I'm the latter category myself and would be mighty unimpressed if I was disturbed before 9 on a weekend.

And have you read all OP's posts? If so, do you really think she is in any way obligated to be a 'kind neighbour' to someone who would have the nerve to ask a neighbour to loan them a few thousand?

Block her

Then it really is high time you told her to Fuck Off - literally or "nicer" if you couldn't be so blunt.

But you need to start saying NO in such a way that these fuckers leave you alone!

I've helped people like this before. I just Google the answer in front of them.😆

OP's already said this woman asks for lifts and all sorts.

Because she doesn't value the OP's time.

Otherwise she would ask her friends and family, whom she doesn't want to bother because "they're busy".

But inconveniencing the OP and expecting her to do without her keys is apparently fine.

We all have odd requests like that , you’re not the only one in UK!

learn to set boundaries

now way I am giving my number to anyone just cause of emergencies … ask neighbours to set up what’s app groups to help each other

just set boundaries , don’t be angry at people cause you have zero control

Maybe she’s got dementia or similar. Or shes just nervous/anxious/not as capable as you. I imagine she probably leans on her existing support network a lot and she’s had push back, hence she’s trying to find new people to help like you.

It’s not virtual stranger

apparently she’s given lifts, had lots of interactions in the past etc … just read OP’s drip feeding …

Yes it's annoying but if you don't want to be disturbed at 8.30 on the weekend, have your phone on silent until whatever time you are up and about.
You have it in your power to prevent unwanted phone calls at unwanted times.

Nobody disturbs me at those times because my phone is on silent.
When my parents were still alive their numbers were added to the list of allowed callers during do not disturb times. But randoms? At 8.30 in the morning. No.

Somehow I doubt it.
Asking for a few thousand pounds when she doesn’t know her. For friends. Nervous she is not. Anxious she is not.
She gets push back because she uses people. And has identified the OP as someone to exploit. Potential money, lending for anything, sort things out. Yeah, get her to do stuff. I wonder what she has in her flat ? Perhaps get hold of her keys and get them copied…..
Nervous and anxious my foot.

Well that's ridiculous. Just reply "Well obviously I can't do that, or how would we get in and out of the building?". Then mute her.

I can symphathise OP, my neighbour is the same. Her electricity goes out, asks me to help, I flick the fuse back on. Fair enough but surely you can do that yourself? Locked out of her flat, asks me to help despite me not having a spare key or any way of accessing one. Her window wasn't closing, I also couldn't get it to cose and she asked me to call 'the window man'? Okay, do you have his number because I sure don't!
It's just all these little things that could easily be resolved without bringing me into it, I do try to help but my well of sympathy has runneth dry at this stage.

Odd requests yes. Of course every one gets them.

anger and demanding for you to do it though? How often?

like I said earlier I did set boundaries and I met with people getting angry. E.g kicking my door, insulting me, badmouthing

a few months I get text from someone I met 3 times in my life that she gave my phone number to someone I never met and that I should wait for them to call all day and give them pension advice. No please, no thank you. No can you.

last year I had my moms friend demand I pick her daughter from airport and a how dare you not help your moms friend lecture when I said no.